Honest Mistake

6 Comments on Honest Mistake

by on @ 10:46 am

What kind of parents must you be for your 16-year-old son to misinterpret you screwing your wife as abuse? Not only that, but abuse horrifying enough to put a bullet in you?

“During the course of love making, the wife was evidently being somewhat loud … loud enough to where it woke the children up,” Harris County Sheriff’s Department Sgt. Mike Smith told Local 2.

“The children interpreted the noise as their mother being in danger,” Smith said. “The 11-year-old went into the room, forcibly went into the room, to protect his mother. (The child) observed his parents making love and got the 16-year-old. The 16-year-old came back in and fired the shot.”

Officials said the children feared their mother was being hurt due to their father’s previous convictions for abuse and that is the reason the oldest son shot his father.

OK, something else is going on here. I’m guessing that we’ve got four possible explanations for these shenanigans:

  1. He’s a 16-year-old with no idea what sex is, or what it looks like. He’s never seen porn, never imagined what he could do with his wang, and never touched himself. So yeah, this theory is pretty much out the window.
  2. The kid spent a lot of time at Neverland Ranch as a child.
  3. The mom is into some really messed up pillow talk.
  4. The kid is retarded.
  5. The sex was really dirty. Like my kind of dirty.
  6. Surprise anal. See above.
  7. Midgets.
  8. I can’t count, and I refuse to learn.

I’m guessing a little bit of #3 and #5, with a hint of #4.

Movin’ On Up

1 Comment on Movin’ On Up

by on February 14, 2005 @ 6:28 pm

You will notice, my new best friend, the lack of posts recently. Or to be more specific, the lack of quality posts recently. I’ve been really busy at work, which has led to a dramatic delay in the server move. It looks like we’ll be able to move tonight, after I clean up the forums a bit. I don’t feel like doing a MySQL export of about 400 Megs again.

After that, new pie poster, new articles system, and hopefully all of the videos (OTP included) will be back online. I know, exciting.

You and I in a little toy shop

1 Comment on You and I in a little toy shop

by on @ 4:14 pm

Department store chain JC Penny decided to use ’80s German pop star Nena‘s song “99 Red Balloons” in a recent Valentine’s Day jewelry ad. The opening lyrics go as follows:

“You and I in a little toy shop
Buy a bag of balloons with the money we’ve got.
Set them free at the break of dawn
‘Til one by one, they were gone.”

That makes sense for the ad. The ad’s a jewelry sale ad for V-Day, so they show a guy giving a girl jewelry as they let all these red balloons go. The whole thing’s shot in the vague soft-focus sort of way, and it seems all happy and romantic. Ideally, I suppose it also makes you want to buy your woman a heaping of gems and precious metals to dangle off her body. There’s a problem with the whole thing, tho’. See, the whole song is actually about nuclear war. The remainder of the song talks about “the war machine spring[ing] to life” and “call[ing] out the troops” and so forth. I don’t exactly bloom with warm fuzzies when I think about a city turned to dust.

Two other examples of idiotic commercial song use include Lou Reed‘s “Perfect Day” in an NFL ad (the song being about dying from AIDS). There is also my personal favorite: Iggy Pop‘s “Lust For Life”, in a commercial for Carnival Cruise Lines… “Lust For Life” dealing pretty much exclusively with drug use and abuse.

For more info on such cultural disjunction, check out Rob Walker’s article “The Commercial Clash.” He mentions the songs I’ve covered, as well as a healthy slant towards the Clash‘s use in advertising.

Woo-Hoo! Spite!

1 Comment on Woo-Hoo! Spite!

by on @ 12:29 pm

[ Resignation at CNN Shows the Growing Influence of Blogs ]

…

I feel so much better after reading that sentence. It reminds me of that episode of “Ren n’ Stimpy” where Stimpy built the happy helmet to suppress Ren’s anger. Then in the end, Ren realizes that he’s happiest when he’s enraged. A valuable lesson to us all, indeed. That’s what I get out of this story, because it makes me want to stab every shitkicking high-and-mighty blogger right in their fucking corneas with a rusty gardening tool. And it makes me happy to feel this way. Rage is my valentine this year, and I’m taking her to a fancy dinner.

White Trash Lovin’

8 Comments on White Trash Lovin’

by on February 11, 2005 @ 1:21 pm

It’s rare when you can warrant a link around here based on the dead-on appropriateness of an article’s title, but Sears Portrait Studio Presents: Britney & Kevin’s Wedding over at Gawker achieves just that.

Oh sweet Britney Spears, what a catch you’ve landed. The man doesn’t even feel the need to shave for the wedding. That’s how you know its forever. That, and God’s law, sinners.