Will someone please explain to me how it is possible for a person to lose $17,000 dollars at a Burger King? That’s like losing your anal virginity in a Turkish prison: there are some things you just have to cling to for dear life. And those things are precious enough to keep out of harm’s way.
I call bullshit. I don’t care how delicious your fucking Whopper® is, or how crispy and fresh the fries are, you just can’t lose sight of a sack filled with nearly $20 grand in a fast food joint. Like your wang in a room filled with sharp objects, you’re constantly aware of its presence.
There Is No Luthor Soze
by Sharkey on November 22, 2004 @ 4:58 pm
Apparently its been confirmed: Kevin Spacey will play Lex Luthor.
Dude, where the fuck is Mox? He got hit on by Lex fucking Luthor!
Slice Of The Day: Kate Bosworth
by Sharkey on @ 12:17 am
Kate Bosworth has been in a LOT of shitty movies in her time. She’s doing an indie flick directed by (and starring) Kevin Spacey called Beyond The Sea. Good for her.
Personally, I prefer it when actresses like Kate here continue to do crap films, because that just leads to them taking off their clothes on film. But then again, I like it when they do indie shit because that’s usually when they do the disrobing. …you know… for “artistic” purposes. I’m so very torn in this situation, I don’t know what to do. My brain (wang) is being pulled in so many different directions, I’m conflicted on levels that I didn’t even know existed, and I…
Ooh, sandwich.
Slice Of The Day: Jessica Biel
by Sharkey on November 20, 2004 @ 5:14 pm
Jessica Biel is going to be the main hottie in the new flick Blade: Trinity. Hopefully it’s not a complete pile of ass, but then again, I’m a pessimist. Therefore, I know its going to be a complete pile of ass. Meh.
So… I’m posting this a little late, but that’s what the nifty date changer thingy is for. So just pretend like this post has been here since Saturday, and go enjoy the titties.
You Got Your Nerd In My Jock! You Got Your Jock In My Nerd!
by Sharkey on November 19, 2004 @ 12:35 pm
[ New SportsCenter Star-Wars Ad ]
Excellent.
Slice Of The Day: Catherine Zeta-Jones
by Sharkey on @ 2:13 am
The always delicious Catherine Zeta-Jones is going to be in Oceans Twelve along with (yesterday’s quite unpopular SOTD) Julia Roberts. It’s nice to be able to post about a flick that I might actually go see, since a lot of our slices are slumming it (filmwise) recently.
I’m all hopped up on a bottle of Knob Creek whiskey and GTA: SA. I’ll leave you be until morning. Good day.
Beer: Nature’s Perfect Food
by Sharkey on November 18, 2004 @ 3:44 pm
Bolt sent me an e-mail simply titled “YES!” , which contained a link to excellent news for beer lovers (aka: alkies) everywhere: German brewery Klosterbraueri Neuzelle has invented an anti-aging beer. If this is true, I think we should all get together and forgive them for the Holocaust. My Jewish buddies will understand, I mean c’mon, this would repay the debt far more than any reparations ever could.
Klosterbraueri Neuzelle, a former monastery brewery in Neuzelle, Germany, says it has developed a beer named Bathbeer that is designed to slow the aging process. The beverage contains vitamins, minerals and an algae called spirulina.
The beer, which is expected to be introduced this week, claims to provide rejuvenation through either drinking or dabbing on the skin. In addition to Germany, it will be released in the United States, Poland and South Korea.
Why would anyone rub the shit on their skin? That’s like if a magic genie popped a naked and horny Keira Knightley in front of your bald ass, said that your hair would grow back if you had gratuitous sex with her or if she patted your head, and you opted for the pat. What are you, a fucking idiot? I’m frankly disgusted at the hypothetical choice you would make. Chug the beer, bang the limey, and live a good life.
Pat on the head, ugh. You make me sick.
Slice Of The Day: Julia Roberts
by Sharkey on @ 2:27 am
The very preggo Julia Roberts is going to be in two upcoming flicks: Oceans Twelve and Closer. I decided we were long overdue for a gallery of, well, one of the most popular women in Hollywood. Enjoy.
I swear to the godfather of comedy himself, that if the DVD of Closer doesn’t contain Natalie Portman scenes so hot that my wang explosion causes some sort of dimensional rift, bringing forth demons from the crab nebula who wish to feast upon our very flesh, that I will murder the first thirty people I see on the day I purchase said DVD. The second thirty get free ice cream, courtesy of our friends at Baskin Robbin’s.
Cabinet Of Kickass!
by Sharkey on @ 2:04 am
From the folks who brought you the secret identity of DJ Rumsfeld:
…comes the new Secretary of Education, M.C. Margaret Spellings.
Respect to Killbot for pointing out her true calling. Now if I can just get Condoleeza Rice to throw her hands in the air like she’s a true… ah fuck that. I couldn’t stare at a picture of her long enough to Photoshop it, let alone have the gastrointestinal fortitude to animate her.
Slice Of The Day: Mischa Barton
by Sharkey on November 17, 2004 @ 5:11 pm
So by now, you’ve probably seen The OC, which is one of the greatest shows on television. And no, I don’t think that the writing is good. No, I don’t think that the situations are plausible. And no, I don’t think that the acting can be considered anything above your average junior-high-school stage production.
However, the body on Mischa Barton certainly helps.
In case you didn’t notice, that was a new gallery on Sliceoftheday. Solo got the uploader fixed, and now…. now I’ve got a lot of work to do.
Christmas is coming early this year, as I think we’ve got a stockpile of around 100 slices. Happy days for you, late nights for me.