Author: Sharkey

[ Pentagon Planned To Develop “Gay Bomb” ]

Most bizarre among the plans was one for the development of an “aphrodisiac” chemical weapon that would make enemy soldiers sexually irresistible to each other. Provoking widespread homosexual behaviour among troops would cause a “distasteful but completely non-lethal” blow to morale, the proposal says.

Non-lethal blow, eh? I bet.

Hey, there were a million bad puns circling this thing like a pack of vultures, I just shot randomly into the air.

Hoo boy, we’ve got a couple of real prize winners today. First up is a granny who reached for a bottle of eyedrops and accidentally superglued her eyes shut.

The 78-year-old Wurtulla resident was defrosting the fridge when her eyes started watering and she reached for a bottle of allergy eye drops.

But instead of grabbing the medicated drops she got Loctite 401 instant glue. The powerful adhesive was being kept in the fridge to avoid heat damage.

“That second my eyes were glued shut and I realised the glue was next to the drops in the fridge,” Mrs Horder said.

I like that the husband’s first idea of trouble came when his wife stopped bitching. He probably wishes the old bat would superglue her eyes shut more often, so that he can enjoy Judge Judy in peace. Which, by the way, is your future. Invest in a gun.

So if we follow the old axiom of age before beauty, we’re in for a little beauty. And this fucking story? Terribly beautiful. But that’s what you get when you cross an Amish with a downed power line.

A 17-year-old Amish boy was electrocuted trying to remove a power line that got tangled in his horse-drawn buggy’s wheels, authorities said.

The boy drove over a power line Tuesday that had sagged down within a foot of the road after separating from a pole, authorities said.

The line got stuck in the wheels and stopped the buggy. The boy got out and grabbed the 4,800-volt line in an attempt to remove it from the wheels, the Geauga County Sheriff’s office said. He died at the scene.

I feel like a right bastard for laughing at this, but come on. Shunning technology, I can understand. But for crap’s sake, if you’re going to shield your children from the blight that is electricity, you might want to let them know that it’s dangerous to more than their immortal soul. I leave you with the last quote of the article, just to chew on:

The horse pulling the buggy was not injured.

Of course not! My nigga Clip-Clop knows not to touch a goddamned power line!

[ Times Online – “Plea by Snow as US deficit hits monthly record” ]

I know it’s a serious topic and all, but I was very disappointed that this article didn’t discuss “Informer” whatsoever.

So yeah, as much as I hate the battery life claims, I’m pretty much sold on the idea of the PSP. Especially now that Rockstar has officially announced their Grand Theft Auto title for the little bastard. It’s going to be based off GTA 3’s Liberty City, and will feature new missions. No other word on the storyline, or engine modifications.

Shit in my cornflakes, piss on my pillow, whatever it takes karmaically speaking to get Jessica Alba into my bed. Have you fuckers seen the Sin City trailer? It’s like viagra found a way to inject itself through my occular cavities.

So I threw up some new pics that were stolen from the pie forum, which I would imagine were stolen from elsewhere. So you see, it all cancels itself. Not that you’re even bothering reading this. If you can look at that image above and continue listening to what I have to say, you’re the gayest thing since gay hit Gaytown.

Yeah, I know. I’m like a day late. So the fuck what. I told you that I smelled Unidor’s space dust a month ago. And now, just as we all figured, Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt have formally broken up. What can I say, the flying blob in a sombrero does good work. Now say thank you to the man properly.

I think we should all get together and send Unidor a letter, asking him to break up a nice young couple. Who’s Keira Knightley doing right now? I think Unidor oughtta have his space unicorn trample the lucky prick’s nuts.

So I guess we all have to deal with the new Elektra flick in our own way. I will do my best to refrain from seeing it, since I wanted to gouge out my own eyes with a used soup spoon after seeing Daredevil. However, I am constantly aware of the fact that Jennifer Garner is hot, and that I would like to do naughty things to her. Sadly, the theater is the closest thing to me accomplishing this at the moment, at least as soon as that ban is lifted. Fucking nazis, we all do it.

Oh yeah, new pics in the Jennifer gallery. Enjoy.

Oh yeah, you can see the first five minutes of Elektra over at Yahoo Movies.

I won’t though.

Hiroshi Yamauchi, the man who’s heavily responsible for the fact that we even have a gaming industry, has done a hilarious Wired interview in which he rants about fat Americans, Microsoft’s secret offer to buy Nintendo, and Canadians. Well worth your time, the man is crazy in the best way possible.

*Edit* Ha! Farked! Whoops.

Decided to pop in a few color shots of Kirsten Dunst and her now-famous beach nipple slip incident. Kudos to the photographer, that’s some good work.

Take a look in your wallets fellas, because those rubbers might not be as sturdy as your… yeah.

[ Consumer Reports Rates Condoms ] (thanks Grant)

The consumers group best known for rating cars and washing machines has turned its testing prowess to condoms to find out which ones measure up best and how other birth control methods compare.

The nonprofit Consumers Union says in a new guide to contraception that the seven top types of condom they studied did not burst despite vigorous testing, and all models met international standards.

A melon-colored model distributed by Planned Parenthood performed the worst, bursting during a test in which the latex condoms were filled with air.

*thinks*

*checks wallet*

Oh right, the whiskey flavored ones from that vending machine in Edinburgh. I’m safe.