Month: December 2004

Right now I’m packing up my things, and tomorrow morning I’m driving back down to Savannah, GA. Since I’ve got a good 15 hour drive ahead of me, and I unfortunately won’t be able to get back online again until Sunday night, I wanted to wish you mofo’s a Happy New Year before I go.

So have fun tonight and drink to the new year! ( and hopefully to a more reliable server )

Stupid server! If I wasn’t in Edinburgh, I’d have half a mind to kick it in the balls. And another half a mind to contemplate why I beleive that a server has balls.

We all love when little kids say the darndest things about getting married or what mommy is doing with the mailman after daddy leaves for work, but what about their thoughts on old videogames?

Garret: That’s not Tyson. Are you kidding me? Mike Tyson does not have a handlebar mustache, and he’s not white.

EGM: So those are the two things that make you think that’s not Tyson?

Garret: Yeah, plus he’s wearing pants.

Oh that Garret, what a character. He also thinks that Mike Tyson is bad publicity for the game ‘Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out’.

Dillon: And to think 20 years from now, people are going to think, “Oh, you’re playing [GameCube Zelda game] Wind Waker? That’s boring.”

EGM: What will you say when your kids say Wind Waker looks boring?

Parker: Get out of my house. You’re out of my will.

And I thought the older generation today had a certain distaste for kids who do not respect the old school games. Shit, Parker is already kicking his unborn children out of his will and his house, and he’s only 11.

Great! And just before I have to use the damned things, the Euro bitch slaps the dollar even harder.

This is a big change from my last European trip in 2002, when the Euro traded at 98 cents. I hope the Scottish like not getting tips. Or paid.

*Edit* I meant Ireland. …bitches.

As Sharkey mentioned earlier, he’s taking a much needed vacation over in Europe for a couple weeks. While he’s gone I’ve been asked to help keep you mofo’s entertained as he’s busy drinking and picking up many hot European women. To buy myself some time, since I am not entirely sure what I am going to do to keep you kids happy, I will simply distract you with videogames.

Bontago is best described as a 3D real-time strategy game with physics-based gameplay. The goal of the game is to encompass all of the flags on the game field with your area of influence. To do so you must expand your area of influence by placing differently shaped blocks ( which appear at your cursor every few seconds ) in your control area. As your stack of blocks grows taller your area of influence expands. Different specialty blocks can also be obtained which contain powerups such as a rocket that can be thrown at an opponent’s blocks or an earthquake which will tilt the entire game world. Bontago can be played both single or multiplayer ( both over the internet and LAN ) and is a very unique and fun game.

Counter-Strike 2D is a great top-down 2D version of the very popular multiplayer game Counter-Strike. It is playable both online or offline ( with bots ) and contains a large selection of maps. There is even a built-in map editor, giving the game even more replay value.

Crimsonland is a top-down, action-packed survival shooter featuring old school gameplay. You must battle off swarms of enemies with a variety of different weapons and powerups at your disposal.

Gate 88 is a multiplayer space combat game with many elements taken from the real-time strategy genre. You control a small spaceship, which you use to both attack the enemy and build up your base. You can create several building types and perform research to unlock more buildings or upgrade stats. Even though the goal is similar to most RTS games, where you must protect your command center while trying to destroy all of your enemies, Gate 88 is not your typical RTS game.

N is a 2D platformer created in Flash that is similar to the game old game ‘Lode Runner’. You are a ninja that is trying to escape from a world full of very dangerous, homicidal robots. As you avoid all deadly enemies you must collect gold to give yourself enough time to reach the exit of the level. The game features ragdoll physics and over 300 levels. It also includes a built-in level editor allowing you to easily create more. Despite it’s rather simple graphics it is very fun and can be insanely challenging.

Stunt Hamsters is a very small game that was created during the Indie Game Jam 2 ( which is an event that is designed to encourage game designers to experiment by having them create as many innovative games over a 4 day period as possible ). This game has you firing hamsters out of a cannon in an effort to have a certain amount of them reach the goal. The game basically treats the hamsters like a fluid. Once you pack a lot of hamsters into an area you can set them on fire, creating a rather violent explosion. This explosion will then push and move different physics-based objects in the level, allowing for some very interesting gameplay.

Warning Forever is a unique game that adapts to how you play it. It is a vertical shooting game, but instead of fighting through hundreds of enemies to reach the final boss, the game consists of only you and a boss. Depending on how you destroyed the boss in the previous level, the boss in the next level will have upgraded defenses to protect itself from a similar attack. As you progress in the game the boss will become increasingly difficult and force you to change your playing style to defeat him.

Many of you have probably already heard of and played most of these games, but if you haven’t I highly suggest you try them out. And while you’re busy doing that I will try and find something worthwhile to post to keep everyone amused ( although it’s very difficult as I keep getting distracted by all great slices that have been posted recently ).

I left today’s slice up to Bolt, who wants to see more of the chicks from “The OC”, and that’s something I can get on board with. Today, we’re highlighting the delicious Rachel Bilson, who plays Summer. She also played Summer playing Wonder Woman, which was like a cumulative geek orgasm exploding across the country.

By the by, I’m looking for pictures of Olivia Wilde that are not paparazzi shots. So if you’ve got magazine scans or whatnot that aren’t in the gallery, send ’em in.

I’m certain that by now, you’ve heard about the massive destruction due to the tsunami that hit Asia.

Amidst the tragedy, a little bit of horrible comedy is born.

More than 200 prisoners escaped from a jail in Indonesia’s restive Aceh province Sunday after a tsunami knocked down the prison walls, a police official said.

Ali Taruna Jaya, police chief in the town of Pidie, said a few of the 204 inmates who fled from the coastal jail had given themselves up.

“The prisoners escaped from the jail. It appears some did it for their own safety after the tsunami crashed into the jail,” Jaya told Metro TV.

Honestly. If this doesn’t turn into a Spike Jonze flick or something, I will be sorely disappointed. Hollywood will have failed.

Just so that when I get back from the UK, I don’t have to listen to my pal Billy Ray (who supplied new pics) bitching like a little girl who didn’t get a pony for Christmas, here’s Melissa Joan Hart.

Just goes to show that you can take any chick, throw her into some sort of Star Wars related fantasy, and Billy Ray will get a Viagra-like hard on. Not that he can see his dick anymore when he looks down, the fat bastard. Disgusting.

Well, my plane leaves in about four and a half hours, so I guess I’d better make this short and sweet. I’m off to Europe for some hard-earned R&R for the next couple of weeks. Not to worry, the slices will be a-comin’ and I’ll be able to post from the UK. There will also be some other help in entertaining you bastards around here, so don’t worry about it.

Wish me luck at St. Andrews, it’s going to be one cold motherfucking round of golf.

Just wanted to wish all of you a Merry Christmas. We wound up raising $1,500 for Childs Play, which is pretty damned amazing. I wound up throwing in a few bucks and some change to make it an even amount. I also took into account the folks who donated through the mail, so dark_sitha, lucius, and the others, don’t worry, I got the donations. Thanks again to every one of you who pitched in to help, it’s a great cause and we helped buy a lot of cool stuff for these kids.

We also earned your promised reward. And since you guys doubled the amount that I asked for, we’re going to start No Newbie New Year a little bit early. Like, oh I dunno, now.

Enjoy guys, you’ve earned it.