To Find…. A WAY OUT! MUHAHAHAHAHA!!!

You know, as I’ve grown up in the shadow of the Magic Kingdom, I have an incredible amount of affection for the place. I will always love Disneyland, and I will always love the Haunted Mansion at Disneyland. But paying $40 grand for a tombstone in the ride with my name on it? Shit, even if I could afford it, that would sound ridiculous. That’s a down payment on a Viper, honkey.

The winning bidder of this historic auction will become an “honorary” ghostly resident of the Haunted Mansion in New Orleans Square at Disneyland park. Their own personalized “tombstone” will find eternal rest in the final graveyard scene of the beloved attraction, marking the public’s first-ever opportunity to be immortalized in a Disney theme park attraction. As “die-hard” fans of the landmark Disneyland attraction know, the Haunted Mansion is home to “999 happy haunts … but there’s always room for one more!”

The unique gravestone marker will bear the winner’s first name and a humorous epitaph (inspired by the winner’s interests or hobbies) written and personalized by the team at Walt Disney Imagineering, Disney’s creative design organization responsible for the creation of the attraction.

Have you ever met someone who worked at the Haunted Mansion? I would imagine that for $500 you could easily get one of them to let you bring in your own homemade tombstone, that you could shove in the back row. Plus, they’d probably turn the cameras off so you could get laid on the ride without worrying about some jackass scolding you over the loudspeaker.

Same as the jackasses on Pirates. Can’t they see I’m busy? Damn.