[Church backs raves to bring in young people]
The Church of England gave its official blessing to alternative forms of youth worship such as “raves in the nave” yesterday as part of its efforts to attract young people into church…Another speaker recalled that his cathedral ran a rave in the nave for young people and a service in a side chapel featuring Gregorian chant for older people. But, he said, the older people ended up in the nave and the youngsters in the side chapel.
Good lord. Now, I know there’s a church in Atlanta that is used by ‘party throwers’ to ‘throw parties’ and to promote ‘happy fun time party land fun happy land time’. It’s called the Tabernacle or the Flabberrapper …or the Crabbersackle…well, something that sounds like -abber and -nackle. ANYWAY, I know for goddamned sure that the motherfucking church is in no goddamned way of supporting any kind of motherfucking hellspawned demon rave. Not that I think raves are demon infested or goddamned in any sense. I just like writing about the church and saying goddamned as many goddamned times as I can. It’s sort of goddamned exciting to say GOD and DAMNED while speaking of the goddamned church. Demon trash talking or any mention of Satan should also be awarded with 20 points, or an honorable mention.
On another goddamned note, I still can’t believe this church is backing it up. Although there is entirely too much focus upon the whole drugs = raves = drugs taboo, I am not naive enough to think that there aren’t some dealers walking around in there with a grin from ear to ear, the light of some Jesus mosaic shining down upon them, and the selling of ‘goodies’ to some good little christian sheep that will have them sitting in the pews in a fetal postion talking some trash like “I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched c-beams … glitter in the dark near Tanhauser Gate. All those … moments will be lost … in time, like tears … in rain. Time … to die.”
Someone actually felt the need to recite that to me one time at a rave in Memphis. After the girl with the fairy wings and a Yoda mask offered me some juicy fruit that somehow turned into a bottle of Sunkist which I drank profusely for 3 hours and then realized that I hadn’t even opened the can yet (about this time my flesh started melting into a drain that was convienantly located in the floor beneath my feet), I realized that it was time to stop doing drugs.
*insert Mr. Mackey voice here*