The Lengths People Go To

So the little woman and I are going on a 1-week cruise on Monday, a Christmas present from her mom (I got her a bike radio, mind you). This, coupled with the impending summer months, has caused my girlfriend (along with the rest of her womanly ilk) to undergo that hurried ritual of last-minute dieting. While we fellas would like to believe that women are rushing to improve their aesthetic value for our benefit, the truth is that deep down they only care what other females think. While we do get the added bonus of their asses looking that slight bit more delicious in those thongs, “involved” (aka “sentenced”) men like myself also have to deal with the added bonus of frantic mood swings due to food deprivation. I call this the “I can’t have-a da cookie, you don’t getta no nookie” syndrome. A curse, a pox upon mankind, says I. But that’s the price you must pay if you stumble upon one of the good ones.

Anyway, this pointless bit of rambling has led me off the topic of my original pointless topic. And that is the absolutely fucking disgusting stuff that these women are drinking in order to lose weight. Now as an on-again/off-again weightlifter, I partake of protein drinks all the time. Through the miracle of modern science, my weightlifting shakes are delicious (somewhat) chocolatey treats with minimal calories and maximum efficiency. However, the drinks that they seem to feed these women taste not at all unlike ass-sweat (as I would imagine that ass-sweat tastes) mixed with V-8. How do they make money with something so vehemently repulsive? Not only that, but they trick these women into believing that if they drink this crap all day long, with no contact between their lips and actual comestibles, they will somehow lose weight and actually keep it off?

This is why I am absolutely convinced that women were born without the actual “logic” gene that we males were seemingly cursed with. They were given the “gift” of childbirth in exchange for a million raging emotions that follow no rational pattern and a black whole where logic would normally exist. Perhaps that’s the spot where we possess a wang, who knows.

There’s really no point to this, I just wanted to impart to you the repulsiveness of that god awful drink, and a little knowledge for you younger MoFos that may save you in Tylenol sometime in the future. That knowledge is this, kiddies: women are all crazy, they will never be understood, and they don’t like sex as much as we do. Deal with it now, and you’ll be a lot happier later in life. Especially when your girlfriend asks you to taste her ass-flavored diet drink. Fuck the red pill, ignorance is bliss.