I received a pleasant piece of electronic correspondence yesterday afternoon. However, it was sandwiched (like all other e-mails) inbetween 637 pieces of SPAM I received yesterday, most of them containing virii. God bless the Internet, where every message contains A Very Valuable *insert retarded noun*
Anyway, spite and hatred aside, the link was from $nowman, letting me know that Rosie “LOOKITMEIMGAY” O’Donnell has dumped “Rosie Magazine” over problems with the publisher. What with the recession and all, they probably had to cut back on their hourly tributes of ham-cheese-and-Indonesian-waif sandwiches.
“I’m sorry to have to tell my readers and my staff that my involvement in the magazine is ending, but my integrity and name are at stake, and that price is too high,” O’Donnell said at a news conference. “I cannot have my name on a magazine if I cannot be assured that it will represent my vision and ideas.”
A legal battle is a possibility, although no lawsuits have been filed yet. Both sides have hired lawyers, and in a memo sent to employees, Gruner + Jahr indicated it blames O’Donnell.
“It is truly shocking and disappointing that Rosie would walk away from her obligations to her staff, her business partner and her magazine audience. In doing so, she destroys the value of the business we created and violates the conditions of our binding contract,” the memo said.
Fat housewives everywhere will be mourning, I’m sure. Where will they get their information on… come to think of it, what the fuck kind of content could that woman actually cram into a magazine sporting her monicker? I’d wager that the majority of her knowledge revolves around the following:
- Getting media attention for coming out when everybody already knew that you were a big fat box-muncher.
- What Nell Carter was really like…underneath the muumuu
- What K-Mart has on Blue Light Special this week
- The number for Penny Marshall’s personal line, where the answer machine only contains muffled sobbing
- Why so many children have gone missing lately. *hint: check her fridge*
Well, now that I’ve slacked around my last ten minutes of work, I’m going to do something constructive. If any one needs me, I’ll be at the urinal.
