People with appropriate portfolios should be doing a dance of glee. And many people I know who keep forwarding me those “Boycott Exxon OMFG!@#$” emails will probably throw their arms up in disgust, and suggest some other ridiculous protest that targets companies who are not part of the problem. Since I’m in a feisty mood, let’s throw out a few fuck you’s to people I deem worthy of them.
- My friends who drive hybrid cars. Don’t kid yourselves. You’re not really getting much better gas mileage, you bastards, but you do get to drive in the goddamned carpool lane. And for that, I say “fuck you.”
- Anyone with a corporate gas card/car. The company I work for can barely pay my ass, and you’re zipping around, bobbing your head to “Uptown Girl” with the A/C at full blast on someone else’s nickel. Fuck you.
- Mexicans who pack like a dozen people to a car. If it isn’t enough people to hang off the sides and give me a good laugh, then stick to the standard four or five. Twelve people in a 1987 Dodge pickup does not give you the right to drive in the carpool lane, because those excess burrito-ladened bodies cause your heavily descended vehicle to top out at a whopping 29 MPH. Ditch some weight and put your zapatos on the accelerator. Andele!
- My girlfriend, for having a father who gives her a gas card that he pays for. And one to her Dad, for being too conscientious to let an extra couple of tanks to fill my tiny car slip by on the bill every month.
- Hippies. This isn’t a holly jolly 4/20 is it, you beatnik fucks?
- People who pull up too far at the gas station at one end, when someone has done the same thing at the far end, leaving the middle area not only unused, but impossible to get into without owning a VW Bug or a clown car. I hope a passing spark from that cigarette blows you and your Escalade into a smoldering heap. …after I fill up.
- High-strung investors. This is partially your fault. Try decaf.
- Me. I think I’m so fucking high-and-mighty. What a pompous prick.
I would like to extend the opposite of “Fuck you” to Iran and Venezuela. Let’s all play nice with ourselves and our neighbors so I can drive my shitheap in peace.
ExcellentWell done sir. I caught 3 seconds of O’Reilly last night who’s still calling for some kind of gouging tax on the big oil/gas retailers. There’s a similar movent among the S. American commie governments. I can only imagine this will make gas prices go up should something actually take hold. The open market price of gasoline is easy to find (e.g. check nymex.com). The diffence in that price and what you pay is distribution and TAXES. Someone recently suggested that the oil co.s separate the price of gas from the taxes added,list both prices and watch what happens. If anyone reading is close to writing their reps, tell them to cut spending and lower our taxes instead of penalizing companies for running a good business.
…If anyone actually believes the oil companies are turning these insane profits, they should ask themselves, where do these profits go? Thats right, the shareholders. So walk on over to your local stock trader and try buying a few shares. Chances are, you’ll be pretty disappointed with the results.Also, on hybrids, not only do you spend an extra 10k on a car with marginally better gas mileage, but you get to replace the batteries every few years which will cost more than any gas money you might have saved in that time. Also, disposal of those batteries also becomes an issue, much more so that a few gallons more of gasoline burned. So there goes your moral high ground.
HippiesI totally fuckin’ agree with the Fuck You to hippies.
Shitheap?I thought you were buying either a Z or a G35?
TipRemember to empty the hose all the way…Sop up any that spills.