Well, since I’m sitting up waiting to see if a CRON for a customer runs correctly, I may as well bring you some news. The most important piece, of course, deals with murder. To be more specific, our need to murder Mike Nichols, the director of Natalie Portman’s new flick Closer. Allow me to explain why this man is marked for destruction:
FROM IMDB.com
Actress Natalie Portman ordered director Mike Nichols to remove her full frontal nude scenes from her latest movie Closer – despite playing a stripper in the film. Nichols is very protective of the 23-year-old beauty and agreed the topless footage was acceptable, but decided raunchy shots of her fully nude were gratuitous and should be deleted from the drama. Portman explains, “He wants to see my bare ass much less than (even) my father would. He’s as or more protective of me than my parents are. So doing sexual, physical stuff for him felt very uncomfortable.”
…dead. Fucking dead.
As a director, it is your job to make your stars feel comfortable in a situation like that. And it is especially your job when it’s going to ensure that America gets to see Natalie’s thicket of carnal knowledge up on the big screen. Now I have to take time to have this Nichols asshole rolled up in a carpet and thrown off a fucking bridge, so that at least the DVD release will be untainted by idiocy.
Oh, and a quickie from farther down on the IMDB news page, this one’s pretty funny:
National Lampoon’s Van Wilder actress Tara Reid is fed-up with her reputation for being a “retard” and cites friend Paris Hilton as her role model for overcoming her party girl image. The American Pie star, 28, is keen to outgrow her controversial persona and be taken more seriously in Hollywood. Reid says, “I am known as this retard. I want to grow up. I don’t want to be the drunk girl. It hurts my feelings when stuff is written about me. Paris seems to move on from situations all the time, why can’t I?”
MUHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA! Oh man, any time you cite Paris Hilton as your role model, it should involve one of two things: spending daddy’s money, or setting the new standard as the archetype for “vapid.” You certainly don’t want to take her advice on mouthifying a wang, or making a sex tape, because frankly, we all know that she sucks at both.
Just so you know Tara, just because it doesn’t hurt her feelings, doesn’t make Paris any less of a retard. The same goes for you. Now hop on that sex tape bandwagon, please, before you sag in any other places.
this really makes jesus cryWhat is with that Nicohls guy? I wanna see some NP titties…maybe it’ll be on the dvd
this really makes jesus cryWhat is with that Nicohls guy? I wanna see some NP titties…maybe it’ll be on the dvd
blehYou can still see NP titties, just not the bush.
TaraI would actually like to thank Tara Reid for bringing to my attention that she is a reputable retard. Thanks, Tara.
Be reasonable, for the love o…How much is natalie gonna charge for her goods? Did her check for this flick bounce, resulting in my having to keep imagining her snatch for myself…Oh, and even if this Nichols character wants to see her naked less than her father does, he obviously still wants to bang her senseless…again.
natalieFor the love of God I will pay a bounty to anybody who gets me that cropped footage or at least give it to Sharkey to post. You know it will leak out sooner or later a.k.a. cameron diaz softcore bondage.
no biggienat’s got a pretty face, but her bods not all that, imo.
Well…..It was nice knowing you splorkchop, somebody is, of course, going to kill you for that statement.