Science Just Keeps Making Me Happy

[ Forbes: Is Sex Necessary? ]

Wow, they really got in-depth here. Virgins, pay attention, because this is the part that pertains to you…

Fans of abstinence had better be sitting down. “Saving yourself” before the big game, the big business deal, the big hoedown or the big bakeoff may indeed confer some moral benefit. But corporeally it does absolutely zip. There’s no evidence it sharpens your competitive edge. The best that modern science can say for sexual abstinence is that it’s harmless when practiced in moderation. Having regular and enthusiastic sex, by contrast, confers a host of measurable physiological advantages, be you male or female. (This assumes that you are engaging in sex without contracting a sexually transmitted disease.)

Heh, it’s funny because I went to religious school for years, and to this day I don’t know anyone who actually stuck to their guns with the whole “saving yourself for marriage” thing. I mean with guys, it’s damn near impossible, unless you’re too ugly to procure any vagina that isn’t paid for or mail-ordered from Russia. Our version of “saving ourselves” means hypocritically spouting holier-than-thou rhetoric until a willing female graces us with her naked presence. Then all moral inhibitions go out the window once natural instinct kicks in. With women its all about saving yourselves until one of us gets you drunk enough to remember that you have a warm liquid substance pumping through your veins.

Now the scientists run down a pretty list of the benefits that come from getting your swerve on. The top contenders are obviously better fitness, longer lifespan, and less depression. Some of the more surprising benefits are better teeth and a better sense of smell. I would imagine that you don’t actually have hightened olfactory system, just that you get a good whiff of the sweatyness that has just occurred. Shower, and possibly use some mouthwash, and I bet your mutant sniffing power dissipates a bit there, Wolverine.

BTW ladies, here’s an interesting footnote for you:

Women who abstain from sex run some risks. In postmenopausal women, these include vaginal atrophy. Dr. Winch has a middle-aged patient of whom he says: “She hasn’t had intercourse in three years. Just isn’t interested. The opening of her vagina is narrowing from disuse. It’s a condition that can lead to dysparenia, or pain associated with intercourse. I told her, ‘Look, you’d better buy a vibrator or you’re going to lose function there.'”

Remember that word boys, its called “dysparenia”, and it’s far more frightening than saying “baby, if we don’t it might hurt later!” Why let your little prom date wait, if its only going to cause her pain and suffering later in life? Don’t you care about her? No? Well you care about you, right? If so, you might want to take this into account:

The penis, says Eid, is wonderfully resilient. But everything has its limits. Penile tissues, if given too roistering or prolonged a pummeling, can sustain damage. In cases you’d just as soon not hear about, permanent damage.

“I see it in pro football players,” says Eid. “They use Viagra because they’re so sexually active. What they demand of their body is unreasonable. It’s part of playing football: you play through the pain.” This type of guy doesn’t listen to his body. He takes a shot of cortisone, and keeps on going. And they have sex in similar fashion.”

Hear that fellas? Pre-workout stretching and warmup is key in all professional sports and activities. So do yourself a favor, have a pregame sports drink of your choice, have yourself a light pregame workout, and select a proper glove. Because remember brother, it’s your health.