Save Frances Bean

In case you hadn’t already heard, Moby is a complete douchebag. I feel bad, because the guy looks like a leukemia case and I’m pretty sure I liked one of his songs like 8 years ago, but he just won’t shut the fuck up. A random visit to his journal turns up any number of factual errors and email forwards disguised as psuedo-intellectual bluster mixed with the odd self-promotional fluff piece. Now it seems that the guy is going to possibly produce Courtney Love’s next album. I’ll spare you the contents of the article, in which he makes every attempt to showcase the fact that he is blissfully ignorant of the actual status of his production possibilities, and skip straight to the bits that made me want to take a crowbar to his “I’m not going bald” bald head.

He added: “It’s actually really well-written songs that are very earnest, very passionate. So I’m sure she’ll make a wonderful record. It’s got a humble strength to it.”

Moby, who will release a career-spanning Best Of compilation later this year, is currently working on two soundtracks – ‘Southland Tales’ and the big screen adaptation of the classic Eighties American cop show ‘Miami Vice’. Speaking about the latter, he said: “It’s very dark and it’s got a lot of pathos to it, so the music is dark and laden with pathos.”

Wow. I respond to these two paragraphs with a quote from one of my favorite compromise chick flicks:

“Where do they teach you to talk like this? In some Panama City “Sailor wanna hump-hump” bar, or is it getaway day and your last shot at his whiskey? Sell crazy someplace else, we’re all stocked up here.”

Someone get this blowhard some fucking pills and tell him to calm down. There’s plenty of ten dollar words to go around, he doesn’t need to showcase his “versatility” every time someone shoves a microphone in front of his mug. Earnest and humble my ass, she shows her tits at every available moment and sold Kurt’s livelihood to the highest bidder after she blew his legacy on coke and liquor. That’s how you retire, not how you raise a child. Silly bitch.