The Stork Is Bringing You A Redneck

12 Comments on The Stork Is Bringing You A Redneck

by on January 20, 2005 @ 11:09 am

[ Britney Spears Pregnant? ]

Britney Spears has been out shopping in a baby store – and reportedly told staff she is nine weeks pregnant.

The scruffy Toxic babe – who wore a skimpy pink top with no bra – was snapped in trendy Babystyle in downtown LA.

It would hardly be a surprise, as Britney has hinted many times over that she’s desperate to have hubby Kevin Federline’s baby.

Meh. She pretty much flushed her career down the toilet anyway, so why not? Besides, the sooner she shits a kid out, the sooner she can stare longingly at the Britney Spears gallery and wonder what made her ass go from apple to watermelon.

NERRRRRRD!

8 Comments on NERRRRRRD!

by on @ 11:42 am

OK, so the fuck what. I’m a nerd.

Experience my nerd-dom.

Yeah. I just bought a couple of presale tickets, $125 each. I get to meet Nobuo Uematsu, who probably doesn’t speak a lick of English. And I will be the guy shaking his hand, saying “Hi. I spent a lot of money to prove what a Goddamned nerd I am. I love your work. Please don’t tell any actual women that I came here. Arrigato.”

*shakes head*

How I get women into bed is a mystery to me.

Happy Black OJ Did It History Month

5 Comments on Happy Black OJ Did It History Month

by on @ 4:44 pm

I feel bad for the guy, but at least he went out in style.

A weekend television weatherman was fired after he made an on-air racial slur about Martin Luther King Jr., station officials said.

Rob Blair of KTNV-TV was delivering the extended forecast Saturday morning when he said: “For tomorrow, 60 degrees, Martin Luther Coon King Jr. Day, gonna see some temperatures in the mid-60s.”

Jim Prather, vice president and general manager of the ABC affiliate, said Blair stumbled but the excuse was not enough to save his job.

Careful not to mix up words on Valentines Evil Bloodsucking Succubus Whore Day. You might get in a little bit of trouble with the missus.

Split up rock ‘n’ roll

Leave a comment on Split up rock ‘n’ roll

by on @ 2:52 pm

Kitty Play Records will be releasing a limited edition Supersuckers / Burden Brothers split 7″ later this year.

Here’s the official label word:

“Supersuckers either you know them or you don’t. But if you don’t its because you’re head has been under a rock for YEARS. This band from Arizona hails all the way back to the Sub Pop Seattle grunge rock days and they have been touring a city near you ever since. The Supersuckers thought releasing a split with the Burden Brothers was such a cool idea, that they are going to self-release a completely different Burden Brothers split 7” on their own Mid-Fi Records as well.

Vaden Todd Lewis, Taz Bentley, and Casey Orr have been in a lot of awesome bands, but the band that matters most is the Burden Brothers. After a series of 3 amazing box sets on Last Beat Records, the Burden Brothers, have released their full length, “Buried In Your Black Heart” on Kirtland Records. Quit asking for new Toadies, Reverend Horton Heat or GWAR albums and check out the Burden Brothers instead.”

The Kitty Play 7″ will be limited to 1,000 copies, and according to a message posted by the Burden Brothers on MySpace, each artist’s cut will be a live song.

The Burden Brothers also recently released a live dvd entitled RYFOLAMF on Kirtland Records.

Now that is honesty

2 Comments on Now that is honesty

by on @ 2:21 pm

Britain’s Ikara Colt has broken up. This is a good thing.

No, I don’t hate the band. Far from it. As a matter of fact, I consider “Rudd”, off their debut Chat and Business, to be one of my favorite buzz/garage/alt./whatever rock songs of the past five years. What makes this a good thing is the following (summation from NME): “the Colt’s oft-expressed and entirely admirable opinion that after five years, all bands should be taken out and shot.”

That’s right. The band said they would break up after five years, and then they fucking did it. And it’s not like they were doing poorly. All of their albums have received good reviews, and they had a successful US tour. As they put it on their website: “[W]e always said that we would split up after five years and that five years is up, better to go out this way than to turn into some old, tired and jaded outfit.”

Survivor: IRS Edition

9 Comments on Survivor: IRS Edition

by on @ 11:54 am

Here’s a tip. The IRS always fucks you. Always. You can play games with your taxes, and shuffle around bits of money, sure. But you try to fuck them big, and you don’t know what you’re doing, they will fuck you. And with recent budget cuts, you’re looking at Grade D lubrication, friend.

So it should stand to reason that anybody with common sense would not attempt to royally fuck over the IRS without an incredibly good plan, or possibly brain damage. And I wouldn’t imagine that anyone in their right mind would neglect to report over $1 million dollars in prize money, especially considering that person won it in front of 50 million TV viewers. Something tells me that the IRS is gonna figure out that you have the cash, braniac.

Richard Hatch, the first winner of CBS’s “Survivor,” was charged today with failing to report his $1 million reality TV windfall to the Internal Revenue Service. The below two-count criminal information, unsealed today in U.S. District Court in Rhode Island, charges Hatch with filing a false 2000 tax return that omitted his seven-figure “Survivor” winnings. The nudity enthusiast, 43, is also charged with filing a false return for 2001 (he allegedly did not report $321,000 paid to him by a Boston radio station). If convicted of the felony charges, Hatch could face a maximum of five years in prison for each count and could be hit with a $250,000 fine. Hatch is scheduled to be arraigned on the charges in Providence federal court January 24.

And. You’re. An. Idiot.