BAMF

[ Calvin & Hobbes Snowmen Come To Life ]

Gold.

Hey, you there. Guess what? Science has taken time out of it’s busy schedule to prove that women are bad drivers. Yeah. Shocking.

Map reading and parking may prove difficult for some women because they were exposed to too little testosterone in the womb, researchers suggest.

The study, in the journal Intelligence, fuels the age-old male myth that women are deficient in these skills.

Scientists from the University of Giessen, Germany, found a lack of the hormone affects spatial ability.

Wow. Thanks for clearing that one up for us, professor. Tell you what, I’ve got an idea for some unnecessary research that the government should pay me for doing. Here are some examples:

• Do black people like fried chicken?
• Are asian people shorter than whitey?
• Is Harry Knowles the fattest webmaster on the planet?

Where’s my grant, fuckers?

I’m sure that by now, you’ve heard about the super-smokin’ Eva Longoria, who currently stars on the TV show “Desperate Housewives.” I’ve never seen it, but I’ve seen enough of Eva here to know that I like her. So should you. Be sure to thank Black Dragon for providing this set.

I don’t really appreciate the “Desperate Housewives”, since it has stolen well-deserved awards from “Arrested Development.” But if the judges were men, I suppose they could have been easily swayed by the eye candy. That crew of talent could turn Kevin Spacey straight.

…oh shut up. Yes he is. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

The adorable little Frenchie Audrey Tautou (whom you probably know from Amelie) is currently in a flick called A Very Long Engagement and has just signed to do The Da Vinci Code, so I figured it was about time we have an Audrey gallery. Enjoy.

Also, today is the birthday of “O.C.” vixen Mischa Barton. I know that she’d like nothing more on her 19th than to have thousands of sweaty net-nerds touching themselves while staring at her picture, so visit her gallery and make her birthday wish come true.

Hey Apple users, today’s the 21st birthday of the Mac. Without the hard work and dedication of pioneers like Steve Jobs, you wouldn’t be sitting there, playing the hottest PC hits of 2001 on your vanity mirror. Go ahead a pour a Mickey’s (actually, a diet Red Bull and Grey Goose seems more fitting) into your iMac, it will still function as a paperweight tomorrow.

Just in case you don’t want to get laid this Valentine’s Day, there are some bitchin’ (in a manner of speaking) Star Wars Valentines to help ward away evil vagina. Or, perhaps you’re a gay robot, you might like to send your “partner” the C3P0 valentine. If there was ever a doubt that Lucasfilm purposefully touted the gay aspect of those droids, that little card eliminates it.

The worst weatherman on the planet.

This really is hard to watch. I bet he cried after this broadcast. I think I’d rather watch puppies getting strangled by a naked “Before” Jared than see this miserable performance again.

[ Grandparent’s Post-Abortion “Healing” Kit ]

Your heart still aches for the grandchild you’ll only hold in heaven. This kit will help you to identify and overcome post-abortion syndrome in your daughter and in your family. Embrace forgiveness and build a biblically based and restored relationship!

…what the fuck?

[ Johnny Carson Dead ]

But we’ve still got Ed McMahon. Who will pass out those large novelty checks when he’s gone? That’s going to be a rough void to fill, especially considering he’s so goddamned fat.

[ NESSIE! NOOOOOOO! ]

“Sir Court Godfrey of the Nessie Alliance summoned the help of Scotland’s local wizards to cast a protective spell over the lake and its local residents and all those who seek for the peaceful existence of our underwater ally.”