BAMF

Saw the following over at Magic Box:

Hironobu Sakaguchi, the father of Final Fantasy, said his new company Mist Walker is working on a new simulation RPG title for Nintendo DS, which can be played with just the stylus.

…

My new company, Funny Walker, is working on a new simulation game for the Nintendo DS stylus where it finds itself within the confines of Hironobu Sakaguchi’s ass. The monkeys will do much beta testing on this product.

[ Britney Spears Topless On Balcony ]

…and it isn’t exactly flattering.

I’m calling bullshit on that last “nipple” shot. Unless, of course, her nipples decided to take a dramatic turn to the east when she got married. Either way, what the fuck is she doing? I mean, if it’s a publicity stunt, why not gussy yourself up a little bit first?

**Edit** Uploaded the pics to Slice of the Day because that other server sucks.

Rapper Houston (yeah, I don’t know either) has had a fun week. The guy has been undergoing treatment for manic depression, and thanks to the wonders of PCP, beleives himself to be Jesus. So what would any guy who thinks he’s Jesus want to do? You guessed it: attempt suicide and pluck out his own eye. Because as it said in the book of… Apostle Guy… “Let he who is without sin cast the first eye.” No. No that wasn’t it. It was “Let he who is without eyes cast the first stone.” Because if I’m blind, I’m hitting someone with a big fucking rock.

After being thwarted in a suicide attempt in a London hotel room, R&B singer Houston gouged his own eye out.

On Thursday Houston attempted to jump out of a 13th-floor hotel window but was stopped by his security personnel, sources close to the singer said. He was moved to a lower floor and locked in his room, where he injured himself. Additional details are still coming to light, and photographs of his injury are circulating online.

“I was told he wanted to commit suicide and stabbed his eye out,” K-Sly said. “He was telling people he was Jesus and wanted to go home to his Father.”

And if that didn’t make your mouth water for lunch, why not check out a snapshot of the injury! Hours of fun for the whole family.

The Academy of Interactive Arts & Sciences has posted the winners of their 8th Annual Interactive Achievement Awards. The results can be found here.

Some awards to note:

Game of the Year: Half-Life 2
Console Game of the Year: Halo 2
Console Action/Adventure Game of the Year: Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas
Console Racing Game of the Year: Burnout 3
Outstanding Achievment in Game Design: Katamari Damacy
Sports Simulation Game of the Year: ESPN NFL 2K5
Massive Multiplayer/Persistent World Game Of The Year: World of Warcraft

In the end Half-Life 2 took home 9 awards, and I am very glad to see Katamari Damacy receiving 2 awards. Overall I think most of the winners deserve it, but there were still a number of amazing games that deserved it just as much, if not more. Now if you’ll excuse me, there are a few great games already in 2005 that deserve my attention…

[ Millennium Falcon X-Box ]

So… you ladies like Star Wars? …and video games? …I didn’t think so.

The delicious Kristanna Loken is apparently signed on to star in the Bloodrayne flick. That’s good, because she laid down a really good foundation of shit with that Terminator 3 nonsense, so she may as well build her shit house on shit… sand. Plus, it’s being directed by Uwe Boll, who is having his own problems with the critics right now.

By the way, did you hear that Keanu Reeves got a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame yesterday? Apparently his work as an EFF…BEE…EYE……..AGENT has merited him such accolades. And as a bonus, the fellow let everyone know who is to be held accountable for his rise to stardom:

“When I was 15 years old in Canada, I did a play called `Romeo and Juliet,'” Reeves said. “`I asked my mom if it was OK to be an actor, and she said, ‘Whatever you want.’ So thanks, Mom.”

Wow. That is touching. Congratulations, Mrs. Reeves. You’ve earned an all-expenses paid trip to Horribly-Painful-Simian-Induced-Death-Land. Be sure to try the soup in a bread bowl, it’s delicious.

(AP) – C.O.B.R.A. militants claimed in a Web statement Tuesday to have taken a G.I. Joe soldier hostage and threatened to behead him in 72 hours unless the Americans release C.O.B.R.A. mastermind DESTRO from prisoner. The U.S. military said it was investigating, but the claim’s authenticity could not be immediately confirmed.The posting, on a Web site that frequently carried the terrorists statements, included a photo of what that statement said was an Joe soldier “ROADBLOCK”, wearing desert fatigues and seated on a concrete floor with his hands tied behind his back. The figure in the photo appeared stiff and expressionless, and the photo’s authenticity could not be confirmed.

A G.I. Joe commanding officer Clayton “HAWK” Abernathy, said he had no information on the claim but “we are currently looking into it, and remember kids, knowing is half that battle!”

“Our serpentine heroes of C.O.B.R.A’s Snake Battalion were able to capture American military man Marvin Hinton after killing a number of his comrades and capturing the rest,” said the statement, signed by the “Snake Battalion” “God willing, we will behead him if The Baroness and DESTRO are not released from Joe prisons within the maximum period of 72 hours from the time this statement has been released,” the statement said.

The posting did not show any ID card for the alleged captive and no organization’s name was written on the black banner, as have appeared in some past claims of kidnappings. The man’s uniform had no U.S. insignia or names visible.

You may have noticed a lag in posting for the last few days. This is due to the fact that I’ve been on the phone with various tech support representatives from various companies for the past five days or so. Sure, there have been breaks, but they were mainly used to drown my own hatred in a pool of soothing Jack Daniels®. At this point, I can honestly say that SBC has far and away taken the crown of “Most Fucking Useless” in the field of so-called “technical support.” Let me give you a hint as to what I’ve been attempting to accomplish:

Friend runs a company. Friend asks for help with a mailserver. I set up the mailserver, and figure that it’d be nice to have SBC (their T-1 provider) act as a backup DNS server, in case of a problem with their primary DNS server. Simple. Add a few records, take three minutes out of your average techie’s day, and it’s done. Finito. And for a company that’s used to dealing with $39.95/month customers, they should be able to handle a simple request from a client that’s spending upwards of $500/month for their dedicated connection. Or so you would think. Here are a few highlights from my journey into SBC’s bowels:

• Spent ten minutes explaining to a phone operator the difference between a DSL connection and a T-1. “About $450 dollars per month” was not an acceptible answer.
• Was hung up on by the billing department 8 times.
• Spoke to an automated person who couldn’t understand when I said the word “two” about a dozen times.
• Spent five minutes explaining the concept of DNS to a phone operator. I used phrases such as “when you type www.yahoo.com, magical things happen…”
• Spent ten minutes explaining the concept of DNS to a tech support representative. The phone operator got it in half the time.
• Number of calls it took to actually get someone on the phone who knew what I was talking about: About 15

Mind you, SBC was not the only place I was on hold with. I had three seperate companies regarding three seperate issues to speak to, and none of them had what you would consider “competent” support departments. Thankfully, it looks like I’m done. So now I guess I can die in peace.

I can’t imagine why we haven’t yet had a decent gallery of Abi Titmuss. After all, she’s done pretty much nothing in her career aside from starring in a raunchy sex tape. Perhaps she and Paris Hilton should get together and swap tips… and maybe bodily fluids.

In other pie related news, I also uploaded a pic from some new Lacey Chabert flick that’s got a nice side shot of her funbags. Not exactly what you’d hope for, but it shows that the girl is open to new experiences. Good for her.