BAMF

Bongweasel let me in on the fact that Denise Richards has filed for divorce, but then I forgot to copy the link. So now CAd gets all the credit. Sweet, glorious credit.

Oh right, speaking of credit, we gotta give thanks to the man:

That magical vomit-borne space cowboy rides for us all, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Excluding holidays, of course. I think we need some more strips about his adventures, he’s a fascinating sonuvabitch.

Here comes another slick update from Frozensoulx. This time he decided to beef up our Alyssa Milano gallery. I was curious as to what Alyssa had been up to recently, so I checked IMDB to catch up with her career.

…yeah. Don’t bother. Her career is deader than Johnny Carson.

Hey, there’s always the possibility of a “Who’s The Boss?” reunion, sweet cheeks. Featuring you know who.

I think everyone should take the Flaming Carrot’s advice and eat pie whenever the opportunity presents itself. For instance, I had a run-in with a hooker last week. I gave her twenty dollars and she gave me chlamydia. I think I got off easy (get it?!) in my opinion. Anyway, if you can’t don’t have a girlfriend or have access to disease-addled hookers, maybe these villainous motivational posters will help you get off your arse in search of the finer things in life. And by finer things, I mean the girls willing to go home with just about anybody when last call hits.

Frozensoulx comes through again, as he noticed that somehow our Lindsay Lohan gallery was non-existent. Not anymore, so chisel away, you little perverts.

I guess she should be all excited since that new Herbie flick is finally in post-production. Now her career can really take flight. That is, unless her father decides to have her killed. Something tells me that rich little chick oughtta realize the problem, cut her losses, and pay to get the man some help. Either from some large men with nightsticks, or large men with machetes. Either way, she’s free to make more hit albums.

Wait, fuck! No!

Almost anyone could wear this t-shirt with pride:

I’ll be taking orders very soon.

OK. Bongweasel does have posting rights, but he’s too busy… yeah shit, what does that motherfucker do all day? Anyway, he sent me a soul-angering link, wherein Nintendo President Satoru Iwata gives a glimpse of the future of the Nintendo DS. And it’s real pretty. Pretty like a shot in the junk.

“In a time when people are saying to themselves, ‘We aren’t playing [many] video games, compared to the old days,’ I’m always thinking and working on ways to increase the population of gamers. And that’s also the reason behind the development of the DS. In order to get those [nongamers] to play games, we need to make video games that…relate to those people. If we only keep making games that fit in existing categories, like action games, racing games, role-playing games, sports games, adventure games, strategy games, and puzzle games, people won’t turn around to look, because they already feel that those kinds of games have nothing to do with them.”

“For that reason, we need to come up with new ideas that will expand the definition of video games. Our [game] Puppy Times, which is slated for release in April, is one example of a product that will expand the definition of games. It’s meant to be enjoyed by all people who love dogs, unlike traditional dog-breeding simulation games.”

Please. Please. Please tell me this is a joke. Please tell me that the man is joking. Please tell me that he doesn’t actually beleive that he needs to ignore the gaming base that pushed the industry beyond fucking FILMS last year!

They really hate us. I mean, I was joking around with this image the other day, but they really want to make us suffer! It’s like we’re Tina, and Nintendo is Ike. And he’s just reeling back saying “baby, why you always gotta make me hit you!?!”

And we just cry, put some makeup over the bruise, and give the motherfucker more money. GET SOME STRENGTH GIRL, LEAVE HIS ASS!

[ Student Arrested For Zombie Story ]

Braaaiiinnnnnsss…..

Winchester police say William Poole, 18, was taken into custody Tuesday morning. Investigators say they discovered materials at Poole’s home that outline possible acts of violence aimed at students, teachers, and police.

“My story is based on fiction,” said Poole, who faces a second-degree felony terrorist threatening charge. “It’s a fake story. I made it up. I’ve been working on one of my short stories, (and) the short story they found was about zombies. Yes, it did say a high school. It was about a high school over ran by zombies.”

Even so, police say the nature of the story makes it a felony. “Anytime you make any threat or possess matter involving a school or function it’s a felony in the state of Kentucky,” said Winchester Police detective Steven Caudill.

Wow. The fact that this kid is in prison, and Paul W.S. Anderson is free and roaming the streets (not to mention sleeping with Milla Jovovich) just makes my blood boil.

Frozensoulx delivers yet again, with an update to the Mila Kunis. You probably know her from “That 70’s Show”, but I know her from… well, the same thing.

…you’ve won this round, fucker.

Some of you may not know that Mila here is Russian. That means that her parents were probably goddamned dirty commies. This fact just makes her more hot to you little pervs, what with the whole forbidden aspect of Eastern Bloc. Any time you drop the K from a word, it becomes 73% more sexy. Scientific fact.

Our new pie guy, frozensoulx (who I’m still trying to get access for, please be patient) has given us a gallery of Kelly Clarkson. You might remember her from the award winning film From Justin To Kelly, or from her stint whoring out American Idol. Or maybe you don’t.

I think I’m going to take a little nap now.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I fixed the archives. Shut up. February is now active. I’m working on the new layout, etc. as well, it’s just been a busy… year.

And since this post is already about stupid crap that 99% of you don’t care about, let’s talk about something that I care about. Confusion, as in mine. Confusion as to what the Hell this is all about.

Much like any previous speculation ushered forth by what the finest analysts have to offer, we take this with so much salt we’re already writing our last will and testament, as the report aims wildly vague with the suggestion that the GameBoy Advance 2 could offer a graphical leap forward like the next-gen consoles *or* merely an incremental step that slightly improves upon the current GBA.

Of course the news that GameBoy Advance 2 is in development and is coming can hardly be counted upon as new, but to start talking about it at this stage when the Nintendo DS has yet to see a release in certain parts of the world is absolute pointless and futile; we fully expect details to emerge across the coming months, but would hang-off putting this one on your Christmas list just of yet.

What… what the fuck? If they put out another GBA when I’m still sitting playing Mario 64 again and again on my DS, some little Japanese motherfuckers are gonna die. Except for Miyamoto. Him, I’ll kidnap, and force him to do things.

…video game related things. I swear.