BAMF

Holy shit, why didn’t someone tell me that Brittany Daniel had finally done a nude scene? Seems that she did a flick called Rampage: The Hillside Strangler Murders, in which she does some… excellent things.

Excellent… excellent things.

Famicom Band – Punch Out!!

When they did the old running sequence, I fucking lost it. You’d probably do well to check out their other stuff as well.

Brooke Burns… always sounded like a warning, more than a proper name. Still, she’s hot enough for Bruce Willis to have fucked, so you know she’s good enough for a ride around the park. Plus, she probably tastes like whiskey and a used ashtray. I don’t know why, that’s just the scent I imagine Bruce Willis leaves behind on all women.

…anybody get a whiff of Lindsay Lohan recently?

Hey, according to IMDB, she’s been in the hospital since November after snapping her neck in a pool accident. Guess… guess her Baywatch days didn’t give her much of a safety lesson around the water.

Create an e-nnoyance, go to jail

This is quite possibly the most ridiculous piece of legislation I’ve ever seen.

Oh me oh my, looks like innocent little Ashlee Simpson is having her name dragged through the mud with a possible sex tape. Not like her name is anything worth keeping clean, since she’s about as wholesome as my last meal at In-N-Out. And just to clue you in, I wasn’t wearing pants, and I was dining with a couple of hookers of questionable gender.

Now I’m going to go ahead and call bullshit on this supposed sex tape, as the girl looks nothing like Ashlee, and it just seems too convenient. First of all, her overbearing father wouldn’t let her anywhere near a guy who could properly operate his penis, let alone camera equipment. Secondly, I can’t imagine this snobby little bitch putting a penis in her mouth without an insurmountable amount of headache, let alone getting her to do it on camera. Those two feats of impossibility would result in a migraine so powerful that maintaining an erection during fellatio would undoubtedly lead to a lethal aneurysm.

Still, if I had my choice of what to do with lil’ Ashlee, letting her mouthify my business would be on the top of the list. Reason being? She wouldn’t be able to fucking talk. Her voice is like nails on the chalkboard of my soul.

Clerks 2 Trailer

At least the guy is going back to his meat & potatoes, rather than bombarding us with another Jersey Girl.

Still, he spun around pretty quickly from that whole “no more Askewniverse flicks” clause, didn’t he? Somebody want to find me an article where he stated that, I just want to post it for posterity.

Trade Old CDs For iPods

Basically you send these fuckers a box full of your old CDs, and they send you an iPod. First instinct is that they’ll tell you that half of them (or more) are ineligible, regardless of quality or value, just so you decline the shipping charge for the return trip. But who knows, maybe the fuckers are legit, and I’m just eternally pessimistic.

So this is where you, my loyal brethren, go ahead and try the service out (or research it, I’m not picky) and tell me whether or not it’s worth my time and efforts to ship a box filled with old Spin Doctors and Ace of Base CDs.

Nintendo Video Floor (thanks whoslacks)

…*jaw drops*

I don’t really give much of a shit about Haylie Duff, because quite frankly, she’s the poor man’s version of her sister. And in my opinion, Hilary Duff looks like a blonde horse with those Goddamned veneers. A big, goofy, no-nude-scene-having horse.

…

I’d still saddle her up, ride her around a dirty stable, and put her away in the barn soaking wet.