BAMF

Buttah. It’s like buttah. As in, Stacey Ferguson has a face like buttah. And I’m not talkin’ smooth, creamy, and delicious.

…that’s how I’d describe the rest of her, though.

Little known facts about Fergie: she was on “Kids Incorporated,” was the voice for Sally in many Charlie Brown cartoons, and was also featured in the amazingly informative video Mr. T’s Be Somebody… or Be Somebody’s Fool. True story. Almost makes up for that trainwreck God slapped across her mug.

So while I was off yesterday, the Internet just kept on chugging. How rude of the Internet. By now you may have already heard about the booth babe ban at E3 this year, but if not, here’s a synopsis:

Material, including live models, conduct that is sexually explicit and/or sexually provocative, including but not limited to nudity, partial nudity and bathing suit bottoms, are prohibited on the Show floor, all common areas, and at any access points to the Show. ESA, in its sole discretion, will determine whether material is acceptable.

For 2006, The Board has adopted an amendment to the current Character of Exhibit/Attire Policy enforcement. Exhibitors will receive ONE verbal warning when a violation of the policy is encountered. Should another violation occur, the ESA will impose a $5,000 penalty, payable immediately on-site and require that models comply with the dress code before returning to the floor.

So basically, they’re requiring a little more of a threadcount on these ladies. Not the worst thing in the world but… well yeah, it fucking sucks. I mean sure, the show should be about the games. But unfortunately, over time, it’s become a spectacle. An event. An experience. Sweaty fanboys have come to expect that this is the one time each year that they can have a hot, scantily clad woman touch them without having to pay for the adventure. Now it’s like the new California laws on strip clubs. No touching, no nudity, no excitement. Poor sweaty fanboys.

Apparently the ruling is nothing new, simply an enforcement/modification of pre-existing regulations. Whatever. Note that the show’s director is a woman. No doubt one who went post-menopausal this year and realized that her figure was never going to come back, and that her husband would always prefer the company of his secretary’s firm-yet-supple bosoms to her own, which require opposing adjectives. Tragic that Mary has to take out her sexual frustration on us, by simultaneously stripping away our freedoms and clothing women. Perhaps she should ride a couple of industry interns when they roll (or waddle) into town. They’d relish the company, and she’d appreciate someone clearing out the cobwebs in the undercarriage. Problem solved.

Pixar Approves Disney Buyout

The board of Pixar Animation Studios, the digital animations company, is set to meet tomorrow to approve the company’s $7bn (£3.9bn) takeover by Disney.

The all-share deal will make Steve Jobs, the chief executive of Apple, around $3.5bn and the single largest shareholder in Disney. Jobs created Pixar in 1986 when he paid $10m for the computer animations division of Lucasfilm, owned by Stars Wars creator George Lucas.

…the giant entertainment company has failed to produce a hit animated film of its own in years. By contrast, the six films that Pixar and Disney have made together since the 1995 release of Toy Story have grossed more than $3.2bn.

Well if you didn’t see that coming a mile away, you’re about as thick as J-Lo’s ass, and twice as jiggly. Disney and Pixar seem to work well together, hopefully the ownership by the big D doesn’t stifle their work.

Theres a new gallery of Joanna Krupa from Stuff magazine up over at SOTD. I don’t really know much about her, but holy Hell, she is just disgustingly hot.

Whoa wait… Playboy? Juggy girl? Sign me up, son.

Cops’ Computers Interfere W/Dunkin’ Donuts (thanks Bongy)

KEENE, N.H. (AP) — It turns out the officers’ in-car computers interfere with Dunkin’ Donuts computer system. Police using the drive-through have to disconnect their computer modems to avoid clashing with the restaurants’ system.

Keene’s City Council is looking into getting the police a faster, more extensive wireless network to make things better. Other departments and Keene’s school system might also be able to use it.

That means police could have better access to drivers’ records and Dunkin’ Donuts.

Mmmmm… delicious irony.

I hate my cousin for getting me addicted to “Lost.” I mean I love it now… but when that fucking season 2 cliffhanger comes along, I’m going to want to stab him with something rusty, possibly containing bits of uneaten food at the ends.

… anyway, Evangeline Lilly…

Deee-licious.

Too bad I kinda want to hit Kate.

Half the damned people I know were born in January. What the shit is that? I’m going to get a few birthday wishes out of the way here, because I want to mock some people and the respective anniversaries of their dates of birth seems to be an appropriate time for such endeavors.

• Raygun – Today is his actual birthday, so hit up the forums and pick on his temporarily de-modded ass. Then watch Trial of Raygun and remember the good ol’ days. Or the low budget ol’ days, whatever.
• Floyd – Today is Floyd’s birthday, and he’s supplied me with slices, news, and more A/V hookups in my life than I knew what to do with. He was also prominently featured in one of our banner ads, which he graciously forgave me for.
• Bud – Budley is one of my only friends to successfully procreate, and considering my friends… I’m grateful for that fact. Still, Bud is an evil man, which is why he gets a belated birthday greeting. I’m taking one back for Lincoln.
• Mr Mabs – Our wayward director of online content is also a proud parent, and living out in the boonies somewhere. Hopefully his kid has shoes. Happy belated birthday, until you move back to civilization, you’re a complete fucking hick my friend.
• Billy Ray – Billy Ray isn’t for another couple of days, but I may as well get it out of the way now. He’s got baby fever, which I find hilarious, because the man should really learn to chug a Goddamned beer before he tries his hand at procreating. If you’re not man enough to pound, you’re not man enough to parent, in my opinion.

Alright, now stop getting older you fuckers. I can only muster up the initiative to say Happy Birthday every so often.

I normally don’t like when the same chick is a slice twice in the span of a month, but did you get a load of Scarlett Johansson at the Golden Globes this week? I didn’t… but the wonders of the internet allow me to ogle in the privacy of my own… office.

Anybody catch her getting completely groped by red carpet commentator (and flaming homo) Isaac Mizrahi? Lord alive, the weird shit that gay people can get away with. It might be worth it to fake the funk, just so I could slap Jessica Alba on the ass, cop a feel, and play it off as comical because I enunciate with an effeminate lisp. Jesus, if I grabbed Scarlett’s tit in public, security would have my arm snapped in two before I could get full mast. Some ass-yodeler does it, and everyone is delighted by his antics.

It’s just unfair.

I’ve always thought that she looked like the hottest downs syndrome case on the planet, but that doesn’t change the fact that Devon Aoki is hot.

…it just… makes it a little more messed up.

Her part in Sin City was absolutely perfect for her. No speaking lines, stand around and point at things… sadly they didn’t leave in all the nudity that her part should have included.

There’s nothing hotter than a naked retard, right? …right?

*sigh*

Parrot Blows A Perfectly Good Affair (thanks Dave)

The African grey parrot kept squawking “I love you, Gary” as his owner, Chris Taylor, sat with girlfriend Suzy Collins on the sofa of their shared flat in Leeds, northern England.

But when Taylor saw Collins’s embarrassed reaction, he realized she had been having an affair — meeting her lover in the flat whilst Ziggy looked on, the UK’s Press Association reported.

Ziggy even mimicked Collins’s voice each time she answered her telephone, calling out “Hiya Gary,” according to newspaper reports.

That’s a real kick in the balls. Not only are you dating a bitch who’s too stupid to cheat properly, but… the stupid bitch thinks poorly enough of you to fuck another man in your bed. Thankfully you’ve got your trusty parrot to help you through these hard times, right Chris?

Taylor said he had also been forced to part with Ziggy after the bird continued to call out Gary’s name and refused to stop squawking the phrases in his ex-girlfriend’s voice, media reports said.

“I still can’t believe he’s gone. I know I’ll get over Suzy, but I don’t think I’ll ever get over Ziggy.”

Oh… guess not.

Maybe if he’d spent more time making the bird listen to “Oh Chris” this wouldn’t be a problem. If it’s any consolation, most British chicks are ugly anyways, bad teeth or not. And… she probably had bad teeth to boot. Move to So Cal Chris, your accent will be “cute” here.