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Holy Hell, Bruce Willis pulls down some serious trim. His latest piece is the stunning Petra Nemcova.

For a chick who survived a tsunami, she’s in pretty good shape. Too bad for the poor sap who was dating her at the time, he got obliterated. But still, what a way to go. He probably hadn’t even showered after their last sweaty session.

Hell, if I had one sweaty session with her, I wouldn’t touch water to my hog ever again. Matter of fact, it would take a tsunami to get moisture anywhere near that sucker. Irony.

I’ve gotta be honest with you, I have no friggin’ clue who this girl is. A quick google lookup tells me that she’s the star of the show “Veronica Mars.”

…yeah, I still have no idea. But Kristen Bell is extremely hot nonetheless.

I don’t really need any more info. The resume slapped across her chest is enough for me.

Had to steal this from the forum. Ridiculously funny, and I can’t really figure out why. Just… just watch it.

Pimp smack yo ass, bitch! You mah hooka now… time to take mah priiiize.

Spidey. Black costume. Confirmed, bitches.

click for the big-ass poster

Sony says it’s real, and that makes me happy. I guess I’d rather it were a solid black, like in the comics, rather than a greyscaled version of his regular suit, but whatever. It’s fucking Venom, and that gets me all horny down south. I’m wishing upon my star of twinkly little fucking stars that Eddie Brock/Venom doesn’t show up in this flick. I know that everyone seems to think that Topher Grace is playing Eddie/Venom in the flick, but check out the cast list, ladies, because it doesn’t say who he’s playing whatsoever. The rumor mill has been buzzing that he’ll be Electro, and that Venom won’t show up until Spider-Man 4. I like that idea. I likes it a lot.

Oh, and as cool as Venom was, let’s all remember where the fuck he came from: a crossover story where a bunch of heroes flew home on the city of Denver. Yeah, whole goddamned city, no foolin’. And everybody died, but didn’t, but did, and then… didn’t. And somehow, some way, Dazzler was not completely fucking useless. Venom was our tasty treat for enduring all of that.

“Spider-Man” Robs Comic Book Shop

You have to see the video on this one. This lil’ fanboy grew himself a pretty hefty pair.

A robber wearing a Spider-Man mask was caught on surveillance video Tuesday stealing a set of rare comics from a store in Culver City, Calif. Among the issues stolen were Fantastic Four #1, X-Men #1, and the comic in which Spidey first appeared, Amazing Fantasy #15, valued at around $2,500 an issue.

The man walked into the shop around 11:30 a.m., but store employees thought nothing of a customer dressed in partial costume, reports KCBS-TV’s Suzie Suh.

“He’s wearing a Spider-Man mask, he must like super-heroes,” said Alan Gardner of Dream World Comic Books.

While browsing the store, the man took out a hammer a smashed a glass display case housing some of the store’s more expensive items. The villain grabbed several comics and fled on foot.

Maybe he shot his web fluid inside some little Mary Jane and now he’s gotta support his eggs. With great power comes great responsiblity, or so I hear.

God, I’m so sorry I typed that.

Super Monkey Poop Fight

Fuck those gorillas. Fuck em.

Oooooh boy, who’s excited about the new Milla Jovovich flick, Ultraviolet, which opens tomorrow in a theater near you?!? HUH?!!!

*crickets chirp*

Yeah! That’s what I’m talkin’ about! I am so fucked up right now, I can see through time. And do you know what I see? Poor reviews and some Milla nudity that is only necessary to keep male’s brains from having access to their full supply of blood.

You know what I love about Milla’s boobs? She’s willing to share what little she has with all of us. She’s a giver. She gives. And we should be thankful.

Awesome.