Fuck the Fucking Fucktards

by on March 5, 2006 @ 7:25 pm

Most of my rants are generally me bitching about fucktards. This is no exception. I’ve sort of been holding off on ranting like this, because frankly it gets old. However, I’m pretty pissed off right now.

D&D Online came out a week ago. Well, officially Tuesday or Wednesday, but the head start thing started a week ago Friday. I got two pre-order copies so that I could 2 box it and see about maybe making money at it. I also sort of wanted to play out of just nostalgia for D&D. I pre-ordered 2 accounts, costing me $12 online. I made a rogue and a cleric. Actually, technically my GF made the cleric and just got bored of it pretty quickly, but anyway. There is no /follow in the game. This becomes annoying and makes it more difficult to 2 box. I’m pretty spoiled with the way EQ is, and how easy it is to bot a full group there. Anyway, DDO has this thing where you can’t “grind” to get exp. All exp comes from completing quests. Most of the quests are pretty much go-into-the-instance-and-scorched-earth-the-place, but it’s still a bit annoying. Now here are some of the fun facts. If a quest is worth 500 exp, then it’s worth 500 exp if you do it solo, and it’s worth 500 exp to EACH person if there is a full group. That’s a pretty big incentive to group. Further incentive is that almost all of the missions are near-impossible to solo. They are rough even with a bot cleric. I made a rogue for the main box, btw. It turns out that since rogues can disarm traps and pick locks, they are almost more wanted for groups than clerics are. So I have the top 2 classes for what people want for groups. There is another feature that I DID actually like, in that if you are looking for more people, instead of you sending an invite to someone, they can also send you a reverse-invite where if you’re group leader you get a popup box “Lamertard wants to join your group.” with yes and no boxes to click. So I was just out 2 boxing an instance. I get about halfway done and I get 2 people wanting to join. Sure. I tell them both up front that I’m botting the cleric and that botting in DDO sucks so if they have a problem with it they can leave. I’m polite about it, though. So they join me in the instance and we get to the end.

This next part I’m partially at fault for, but it’s still almost entirely this fucknut’s fault. I accidentally click out of the instance, thinking that I was clicking the win condition item. I say this in group chat. I say I’m running the cleric back. This fucknut then clicks the win condition. I start yelling at him in /g asking him what the fuck? You ONLY get exp if you are inside the instance when the win condition is met. This guy has just fucked me out of a few hours’ worth of exp. I’m pretty pissed. When I told him cleric was running back, he replies that “Oh yeah, I know, that’s happened to me where I wasn’t inside and didn’t get exp.” Alright seriously. If you KNOW that it fucks someone to win without them inside, why do it to someone else if you know firsthand? I start screaming at him (as best I can) and just tell him that since he fucked me I no longer wish to group with him ever again, and I’ll make sure others know that he’s a fucking retarded fucknut who doesn’t know how to make sure his whole party is ready for exp. I kick him from the group. Then I take it as a huge sign about this game. I exit the game on both toons, uninstall the game on both computers I had it on, and am suddenly glad I dropped $12 instead of $100 on this piece of fucking shit.

So this brings me to today. I’m in arguably the top guild (serverwide) in EQ. Yes, I know, EQ is so three years ago, but it still makes me a bit of money and I still enjoy the progression and such. That and I got bored shitless with WOW and re-read previous paragraphs if you want to know about DDO. Other games have similar themes. Boring, or so full of fucktards that I can’t stomach playing. Or both. Like WOW. I hate that most games that come out now are so dumbed down that any retard can play. I mean it’s great for business, but it sucks if you are NOT one of the aforementioned retards. Oh, and by the way, if you have a problem with my referring to people as retards and think that it’s insensitive can just fucking blow me. Anyway, so tonight for whatever the fuck reason we’re in Devastation killing (ahem) TRASH trying to get this dagron to spawn. We don’t know for sure how to spawn it, so we’re just randomly scorched earthing the zone. So skins drop for the new L70 spell quest. They used to be one-per-person-per-raid, and then the new rule is FFA. So I swear this one person who probably hax, had been first on EVERY corpse I tried to get on 4 times in a row. I needed a first skin to START the damn quest, she’s been looting all day and loots every one she can without even an attempt at sharing. Finally I got one since they are lore and she had one that dropped again. This at least starts me the quest. I’ll stop stressing and just come back another time with my bot army and get the skins for myself. That and as soon as all 6 toons have the quest started, I can move into the higher level zone and farm there.

OK, so killing trash is getting boring so I park myself at the zone in to Stronghold and just wait for pulls or for the door to respawn to break it down again. This FA fag comes up and sees the corpses and starts opening them. He finds a skin for spells and asks in open chat if it’s rotting? As I’m typing to him that no it’s not, he loots it and gets off of the corpse. Fuck ninjas. Fuck them in their stupid assholes. Fuck FA. I got that skin later, but it’s the principle of the matter. If something is going to rot that people would want, we’ll call it in /shout or /ooc. Why in the fuck is this assclown even ON a corpse that belongs to another guild? Seriously. Have I just been so spoiled with my guild and my farm team that I didn’t notice how prevalent these fucktards have become? Did I miss when the short bussers all got issued computers with cable modems? Do they let the special ed kids play online games while they are at school? It sure as fuck seems like they do. I bet they have computers set up in the special ed classrooms to try to teach them computers and instead all they learn is how to piss people off in MMORPGs. Maybe the special ed teachers are spiteful at their lot in life so they release their students onto the rest of the world?

I’m sick of venting, and you’re probably sick of it, too. I’m going to probably play some Auto Assault beta when raids are done, since I don’t talk to anyone there, I’m not forced to group with anyone, and I can just drive around and blow shit up and run people over. The game has no content that I’m aware of, and the novelty at retail won’t last longer than a month (just like COH) but it’s gosh darn fun right now to just drive around and kill shit.

IMDB Editors Have A Retarded Sense Of Humor

by on @ 10:35 am

Please ignore the actual content of the story I’m going to quote here, I’ll bold the bit that made me raise an eyebrow.

Rocker Courtney Love and Oscar-nominated Capote director Bennett Miller have sparked rumors they are a couple after being spotted together at a recent Hollywood party. The pair – who were introduced by Capote star Catherine Keener – were “all over each other” at the event, reports gossip site PageSix.com. However, a representative for the film-maker has denied the relationship is anything but platonic, insisting, “They’re not an item. They’re just friends.” Love was previously married to late Nirvana legend Kurt Cobain.

Um… shouldn’t this have read as:

You’ve only ever fucking heard of Love because she was married to late Nirvana legend Kurt Cobain, so why even bother with this goddamned sentence?

Much better.

He’s In For Some GizMONDO Trouble! HAHA…ugh.

by on March 1, 2006 @ 3:47 pm

More information on the Stefan Eriksson (CEO of Gizmondo) car crash story that I neglected to post this week… seems that the “mysterious Dietrich” who was supposedly driving the car might have been strapped at the time.

A week after former Gizmondo executive Stefan Eriksson’s Enzo Ferrari was destroyed on a Californian highway, police have announced that a gun magazine found nearby may be connected to the crash.

According to the LA Times, detectives are attempting to determine whether the magazine is linked to the incident. They are looking to interview a person who they think was in the car with Eriksson – presumably the mysterious ‘Dietrich’, who Eriksson has previously claimed was driving at the time of the crash.

Sergeant Phil Brooks also told the LA Times that the vehicle was one of two Enzos imported into the US by Eriksson, along with a Mercedes SLR. Brooks said that police have not been able to find the correct papers for the car, meaning it was not “street legal” for driving on Californian roads.

I’m sorry, but how did this shitbag ever get his hands on enough cash to import two fucking Enzos and an SLR? Did he embezzle the cash that should have been put towards picking a suitable name for his shitty handheld?

Oh… right.

Jack Daniel’s Grandpappy

by on @ 1:57 pm

[ 184-Proof Whiskey ] – Oh… oh good lord, I want some.

Managing director Mark Reynier says the Bruichladdich distillery on the Isle of Islay, off Scotland’s west coast, is producing the quadruple-distilled 184-proof – or 92 percent alcohol – spirit “purely for fun.”

Whiskey usually is distilled twice and has an alcohol content of between 40 and 63.5 per cent.

In 1695, travel writer Martin Martin described it as powerful enough to affect “all members of the body” and wrote, “Two spoonfuls of this last liquor is a sufficient dose; if any man should exceed this, it would presently stop his breath, and endanger his life.” Reynier actually tried three spoonfuls and says, “I can tell you, I had some and it indeed did take my breath away.”

The rest of us will have to wait however, since the whiskey will not be ready for at least 10 years. Reynier says, “You get a better drink if you wait because of the basic oxygenation through the oak barrels.”

Dammit. I want a bottle of this whiskey for when I go over the hill. I want to guzzle it down and just end it right there before my penis becomes useless.

Drowned in his own addiction, they’ll say… that’s… well, yeah there’s no irony there. That’s kind of the opposite of irony, right? That’s Tuesday.