BAMF

Google Calendar (thanks Bongy for the heads up)

Guess it’s ready for public consumption. So far I think it’s pretty excellent, hopefully they integrate the whole shebang into Gmail. I wonder when they’ll have a tool to pop it into the personalized Google frontend.

Texas Halts Controversial In-Bar Arrests – Another smart move. The bad press shitstorm was pretty overwhelming.

A controversial Texas program to send undercover agents into bars to arrest drunks has been halted after a firestorm of protest from the public.

The Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission has “temporarily suspended” what it called “Operation Last Call” even though it still believes it was worthwhile, commission spokeswoman Carolyn Beck said on Thursday.

I thought that drunkened hee-hawin’ was a rite of passage in Texas. Don’t they make moonshine down there too? I hold Bongweasel personally responsible for all of this bullshit, as he is now our Texas MoFo representative. I would say that Bud is our ambassador for all Texan things boozaholic, but the man is married with a child now, not to mention being 1000 miles away. The guy may as well buy a plot and a headstone and lie down in the casket at this point.

• Final Fantasy III DS – Yet another unknown-to-Americans Final Fantasy game is being retrofitted for mass consumption. I’m stoked on this one, because not only will the game be new to me, but the graphics look fanfuckingtastic. I heard the game was actually very good, so let’s hope that the revamp does it justice.

  Teaser trailer here, just to give you a little more meat on this Good Friday.
  
  A lot of people are pissed that this isn’t Final Fantasy VI, or the American III. I’m not. I’ll be happy with the GBA rerelease coming this year, I don’t need graphical enhancements and such for a game that I have high nostalgic love for. Putting in better graphics and such might ruin the experience for me.

• Ace Combat X for PSP – This just gets me horny all over. I love the Ace Combat series (except for one of em, I forget which) and I’m stoked that I’ll finally be able to play one of ’em on the go.
• Daisenryaku DS: Great Strategy – This one intrigues me greatly. It basically looks like what Advanced Wars DS should have been: a graphically rocking version of Advanced Wars. Instead, it was basically a sequel with touch-screen capabilities. Don’t get me wrong, it was fun, but they could have done a lot more in my opinion. This game, on the other hand, looks gorgeous. Hopefully they decide to release it in the US.

  

• Ubisoft Dumps Starforce – Good move on their part.
• What you’re seeing here is an in-WoW funeral for a real life girl that died. I blatently stole this from the forum, because it’s fucked up and hilarious all at the same time.

  You see, the girl died in real life, and her clan friends decided to have a memorial for her in-game character. Problem is, they decided to hold it in a very PVP-heavy area, and publicize the location. Needless to say, a rival clan decided to turn the service into a massive slaughter. The resulting bitchiness makes for an entertaining afternoon read, especially if you haven’t ever played WoW and find it as incredibly nerdy as I do.

  Messed up? Yes. Funny? Very.

What can I say about Elsa Pataky that hasn’t already been said by her amazing body? Nothing, that’s what. So I won’t. I wouldn’t dare.

If you want to know more about her, try her personal website. It’s chock full of information that you probably don’t care about.

Tiger Woods: Sorry For Saying Something Totally Acceptable

Tiger Woods apologized for using the term “spaz” to describe his putting during the Masters, a remark that was criticized outside the United States as insensitive.

Woods’ agent, Mark Steinberg, said in a statement posted on Woods’ Web site that the world’s top-ranked golfer was “poking fun at himself and meant no disrespect to anyone.”

In several countries, “spaz” is an offensive term for people with cerebral palsy. London-based Scope, formerly the Spastics Society, denounced Woods’ remark as “appalling and insensitive,” and international newspapers also criticized him.

Wow. So he used a word that is perfectly innocuous where he comes from, and a bunch of limeys get upset because the term means something mildly offensive on their rainy little island. Boo-fucking hoo. I don’t hear gay people getting pissed at the brits for calling cigarettes “fags.” I know he’s a public figure and everything, but does the guy have to watch every word that comes out of his filthy rich mouth?

What a retard.

Oh hell yes. Every time Kevin Federline drops a new track, my day is brightened. He’s the 500 watt lightbulb in the cavernous wasteland of my existence.

Oh, and anyone complaining about his tarnishing of Thomas Dolby with his last track should read this. I can’t wait to see what K-Fed wears to court.

Bolt would be happy with this new and improved gallery of Emmanuelle Chriqui if his work didn’t censor what he’s allowed to do. And if he weren’t a raging homosexual who thinks that Emmanuelle is completely unattractive. What a shithead.

Anyway, new gallery for those of you who appreciate it.

It really aggrivates me that he’s such an Emmanuelle hater. Let him know what a fucking idiot he is for me, will you? And his hatred of pirates, that’s just unfuckingforgivable as well, you might want to mention that too.

[ Secrets From Inside The White House ]

This is one entertaining fucking read.

These are some facts I have witnessed and learned through my employment. Take it at face value, believe it or don’t believe it, because I’m not providing corroborating pictures, details, or evidence beyond my own testimony.

Homeland security buys in bulk and at great premium millions of dollars of useless personal appliances from China, such as rice cookers, nose hair trimmers, massage wands, and heating pads, boxes them up, and buries them in railroad shipping containers in the Arizona desert for no reason whatsoever other than to spend its budget and prevent sub-agencies from getting the funds. I suspect that the money goes to a middleman in order to secretly siphon funds into foreign organizations which we can’t support over the table, but this is just me trying to find a justification for this massive and intentional government waste.

Donald Rumsfeld needs to wear iced underwear because of some medical condition, and he has his secret service detail hold his spares. He was recently getting uncontrollable long-term erections and had to change up his medical treatments. The underwear and the erections is why he uses a standing desk, not because he is some super-man. He also wears nylon stockings, not because he’s gay, but to control some vascular problem with his legs which causes him intense pain.

There is a sealed room in the whitehouse which once held a half-ton block of cheese for about 30 years.

Before you call bullshit, take a read. There are a lot of folks who think that this is 100% true. A few of the facts have been backed up elsewhere, like the cheese story. Some of the stuff is scary, most of it is simply hilarious. And it’s exactly what you’d expect from the dude who wrote the greatest story ever told. (condensed)

Personally I don’t care if it’s true or not, especially considering the dude’s own personal politics. I just like the idea of Cheney gargling with a flask of peroxide and passing it around like an Oval Office doobie.

Erica Durance just landed on the cover of FHM, and I’m quite pleased with the results. You should be too. They certainly found someone hot enough to be the object of Superman’s desires. Shit, if I were the man of steel, she’d definitely make me consider using my powers for evil, especially if she played hard to get. I could probably rape the crap outta her and then do that “spin-the-Earth-backwards” technique from Superman I.

Oh shit, what am I talking about. I could just have my way with her and then do the super mindwipe kiss from II. I always wondered what was up with Lois after that whole deal. I mean she essentially added another fuck buddy to her resume and Vegas-ed it out with that smooch. If she had gotten pregnant, would Clark have just kinda stood by and hoped that the bastard couldn’t punch through walls? Or maybe he’d just drop her off a mountain or something.

…oh right, the titties. Sorry, geeked out there for a minute and forgot about the important things in life.

You’ll probably notice me fucking around with the layout and the fonts today. Don’t jump down my throat if you see something ugly, I’m probably right in the middle of a change or something. Comments/suggestions/etc are, as always, completely ignored.

…just kidding. Let’s hear some feedback.