BAMF

Man oh man, I can’t get enough of that Joanna Krupa and her mystical funbags.

There’s a new photoshoot of her from the latest Maxim in there, I highly suggest you check it out at work, with the lights dimmed low, and a glass of fine Port in front of you. Because if you can’t enjoy your work, why the fuck do you want to be there?

Oh shit son, it’s new Superman Returns trailer time, and it has daddy very, very horny.

Kevin Spacey as Luthor is fan-fucking-tastic. And regarding any people who have issues with the pretty obviously gay crew (Supes/Lex/director) I say fuck you. If they pull this off and make a decent flick, I don’t care if they’re in a buttfucking conga line at the premiere. Besides, it just gives cynics something else to mock, and considering all of the internet sensetivity regarding Christover Reeve, I’d say having a faggot Supes is just adding fuel to the fire. Be thankful, see the flick, rejoice with me.

…unless it sucks, in which case, I smell a hate crime coming on.

Next-gen technology, sweet lighting demos, and the occasional bodily fluids joke. Now that’s what I call a tech demo.

Wii need more cowbell.

X-3 Danger Room footage, or so it would seem. The forced humor has Ratner written all over it. The CGI has “cheap Thai slave labor” written all over it as well, mind you. But still, it’s kinda neat to see ahead of time. …if you’re drunk.

Oh and by the way, Megaupload fucking sucks. Just before the countdown button reaches zero, the site pops an ad over that space. So if you’re like me, browsing off screen while waiting, you come back to find that real estate totally gone. Pay attention to where the countdown is, and [X] out the non-popup popup that covers it. Then you’re good to go.

Denise Richards has been all over the news lately, what with her accusations about Charlie Sheen and her frolicking (with clothes, damn her) with Richie Sambora. Now Sheen has been fighting fire with the best kind of fire: the subversive kind. If he can chip away at her credibility enough, he might just come out as the hero in this whole thing. If that’s the case, we may as well enjoy the Denise of today, before she has to do softcore porn flicks to survive.

… I feel bad for wanting Charlie to win now.

So after yesterday’s episode with the floor, I figured I’d call my doctor to see if he could get me some lovely antibiotics or something. Maybe some sweet painkillers to pass the time, if I’m nice enough. His office was, of course, closed for the day. I suspected this, so I browsed around looking for a walk-in clinic.

The website was quite vague, so I just called back the doc’s office and hit the urgent option button. I’ll spare you the 8 phone calls I had to make, with not much of a voice left mind you. It’s not that it wouldn’t be comical, or that I lack the literary faculties to convey said comedy, it’s just that I became so enraged during that series of phone calls that I began hacking up foreign substances that I’d never seen before. Rather than rile myself up again, suffice to say that I told one guy that his name would replace “Wii” as my final words of spite were I to expire thanks to his indifference, and told another woman that I’d be by to cough into her non-whip half-caf mocha latte (really hard to say when your voice is gone) if I didn’t see results.

So after all of that, the doctor on call told me (secondhand) that he wouldn’t see me, and that he wouldn’t authorize a walk-in visit. His reason? I belong in the ER. That’s right. The fucking ER. He said that my symptoms warranted a trip to the hospital (to which I’d have to drive myself) rather than an easy office visit and some antibiotics. I told the receptionist that I’d sleep on it.

Still alive bitches. Not only that, but the receptionist at my actual doctors office gave me the walk-in referral immediately because, according to her, they were taking off early today. I’m glad its such an easy breezy afternoon for them. I’m going to go sit in a walk-in lobby for awhile and make people vaguely uncomfortable with my angry presence.

So if you’re wondering why the posts have been so sparse the last few days, it’s because I’ve been home sick with the flu. Now I’m normally not a puss when it comes to illnesses, but this one hit me kinda hard. I didn’t really realize how hard until I sucked it up yesterday, and went to work because we’re on some pretty rough deadlines. Sadly, the office is a fucking icebox and I apparently made the situation way, way worse.

So today I stayed home, tried to get some R & R in before the weekend. I passed out somewhere around noonish, due to exhaustion and the copious amounts of nighttime flu medication in my system. I had drank at least five tall glasses of water prior to passing out, so at least I’d be properly hydrated during my slumber.

…or so I thought. I woke up at 4:30, feeling like I had to piss like a racehorse. So I got up to use the can, and as I stood there draining fluids out of me I started to feel incredibly lightheaded. I’ve never really been dehydrated before, but I immediately realized that my decreasing grip on reality was directly proportional to the amount of pee that I was emptying into the toilet.

So naturally, I finished up as fast as I could, and ran to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. No bottles left, so I nabbed the Brita filter thingy and attempted to raise it to my lips. I got about an ounce of water into my mouth when my legs started to wobble, and I put my head on the counter. I fumbled around above me, hoping to magically open the cabinet and retrieve a tall drinking glass, but alas, it was going to be more of a battle than that. So I lifted my head, defiant to the illness, and reached for the cupboard. That’s when the legs completely gave out, and I began my descent towards the cold kitchen floor. And as I plummeted to the tile, I still had the mental capacity to realize that I might need to pop out a final cry of anger and disdain, so I went with the one thing that made me angriest today:

“Wiiiiiiiiiiiiii!” (wheee)

Damn right. If I’m going down, I’m going down cursing Nintendo for tarnishing my childhood. Thankfully I was able to muster up the strength to get up, pour myself a dozen glasses of water, and subsequently sweat more than a marathon runner on crystal meth.

So yeah, I’m thinking a doctor visit is in order.

Wow. Nintendo just wants us to mock them openly, don’t they?

For those of you too lazy to open the link, the Revolution has been renamed to:

*drumroll*

The Nintendo Wii.

Pronounced “We” by the way. And no, it’s not a joke.

While we’re on the excellent Youtube video subject, here’s one that I just cannot stop watching over and over again. And for the curious, here’s the best story I can drum up on the video thus far:

I remember this from a real crime show–whether A&E, Court TV or Discovery, couldn’t tell you. The name was Teri (some version of it) and it is filmed in a courthouse at some point in a murder trial. The woman punched is a relative of the defendant, and she is saying that the murdered girl was not so innocent as she has been portrayed. Basically, saying because she had been smoking weed she was a somehow “deserving” victim.

If that’s the case, she deserved the pop in the mouff. If not, I don’t care. She took it like a horrified champ.

This one goes out to all my USC alumn friends.