BAMF

I still haven’t mentioned the details of my departure from work, but until I get the opportunity to put my thoughts down into a possibly long-winded-yet-comically-smartassed tale, suffice to say that I’m better off. Today, for example, I’ll be working for a solid 2 hours instead of the 8 of previous times, and making about the same amount. That means I get to come straight home to you baby, and have delicious comedy dinner waiting for you when you return from your lunch break. The kids will be bathed, the dog will be walked, and I’ll probably slip into something that flatters my ass. No no, you put your feet up and relax… you’ve had a hard day at work.

…chump.

• Miyamoto Shows Off Wii Features – Same old excellent stuff, with one minor addition. Those avatar-like faces that you put on the Wii tennis guys? Apparently those faces (you, essentially) will pop up randomly in other games. That’s… that’s kinda fucking cool. Although knowing the Japanese, they’ll probably make us all into some sort of whining effeminate boygirl, casually flirting with Link while wearing one of those green Hyrulian skirts. And of course, somehow, Nintendo will make me like it.
• Tomb Raider Remake For PSP – Might include a remake of the second one as well. New moves, new graphics, new stuff. It’s sad that this is one of very few upcoming games for the PSP that piques my interest. The device is dynamite Sony, this should have been a slam dunk. Let’s move it.
• Frugal Gamer: Cheap Games @ Circuit City – Ten bucks for a ton of games that I meant to play and never got around to purchasing. Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles, Metroid Prime: Echoes, HL2 (Xbox), Dragon Quest VIII, just to name a few. Might be worth your while to stop by and pick something up, considering there’s barely anything worth playing on the shelves right now.

  Oh, and on the PSP tip, here’s a pretty slick D-Pad cover that comes bundled with Tekken

• DS Vibration Cartridge – Mario & Luigi RPG 2, Metroid Pinball, Shunkan Puzz Loop and Metroid Prime Hunters are the only titles that work with this thing so far, but more are on the way. Hopefully they put out a US version that comes in cheaper, although $25 isn’t much at all. But still, after the exchange, the thing retails for the equivalent of twelve bucks over in Slantyland.

  Oh, and Starfox for the DS is coming out in Japan this August. Hopefully the US version comes out around the same time, so I won’t have to import.

Alright, that’s enough for now. Get back to work, slackers. I’m going to do the same, and come back here in a couple of hours and touch myself before playing Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles or something.

Rest in peace, Paul Gleason.

Now that all of the authoritative executors of scholastic discipline throughout 80’s movies (my formal training for all things in life) have passed on into the next realm, I fear that I may run amok in a fit of egotistical freedom and angst.

…oh, I guess I do that regardless. Carry on.

Dannii Minogue was mentioned on Friday, but not linked to, because she apparently didn’t have a gallery up over at SOTD. This, thanks to my complaints, has been rectified. You may thank me later.

You can probably see Dannii during the soon-to-be-announced tour for her soon-to-be-released album “My Famous Sister Almost Died, Let Me Tell You Why You Should Pay Attention To Me.” You think she’ll play Madison Square on that one?

We all went and saw X-3 last night and tragically, my girlfriend was the only person who actually enjoyed the flick. I spent most of the movie holding my head in my hands as Brett Ratner personally took a shit on the franchise, just as I thought he would. I won’t get into anything spoilerrific here, but I’ll break down some thoughts on the flick in general fashion. Here’s what I thought sucked:

• The drama. Only someone as untalented as Brett Ratner can make me not give a shit when such dramatic and possibly tear-jerking events happen. There are at least four huge moments in the script that are supposed to shock and create an emotional response in the audience… I just sat through them wondering if they were a joke. In fact, during one scene at Jean Grey’s home (if you’ve seen it, you know the scene I’m referring to) something very important happens, and I literally thought that it was going to wind up being some sort of dream sequence, or trick to fool the audience. Not because I didn’t want it to happen, but because it was done so poorly. There seemed to be no setup, no reasoning behind it, and no purpose for it in the movie whatsoever. Dramatic devices with no payoff make for a bad film.
• The characters. It seems like Ratner spent about five minutes on each new character, and that was it. Rogue was in the movie for what, three scenes? And what happens with her at the end of the movie was tacked on, like they realized at the last minute “oh shit, right, we forgot about her.”

  And how about Angel? They feature him prominently in the trailers, but he’s in three fucking scenes as an adult that I can remember. He may as well have not been in the movie whatsoever. They didn’t even resolve his conflict with his father, not that the story had been established enough to make me care in the first place.

  Then you’ve got Leech. A profoundly tragic figure, being utilized to knock out the powers of his fellow mutants all the while being forced to sit and stare as these amazing things happen outside his window. But do we ever get an ounce of character development beyond him putting his hand on the glass and looking sad? No. Why bother, we’ve got 8 other new characters to not develop properly. Let’s move along.

• Jean/Phoenix. If you’re going to make the movie about Jean Grey, and her completely rewritten backstory… how about putting her in the fucking film!?!? If they were going to paint the picture of a tragic backstory of a character, it should have been Wolverine or Storm considering they were the only mutants besides Magneto that had any kind of decent screen time.
• The stunt work. I’m nitpicking now, but all of the wirework looked ridiculous. Every time Storm flew and did her spinny bullshit, or Beast leapt through the air, I laughed.

It seems like Ratner was more interested in giving fanboys a bunch of wet-dreamlike moments (fastball special, stars-and-garters, Iceman’s…iceness) rather than spending time on the actual plot. Not to mention the fact that he was developing about 8 different plots, and didn’t give proper time to a single one of them. You’ve got Jean’s story, Warren’s decision to stay a mutant, Rogue’s difficulties with Iceman, The team’s inability to work together effectively (this lasted a minute, and was brought back at the very end), Leech and his sad existence, Storm being groomed as the new leader, the future of the school, Cyclops and his struggles… it’s just too fucking much. All of these seemingly major plot devices are pared down to about ten minutes apiece and served up like a dinner comprised entirely of appetizers.

I’m sure a lot of you liked the mindless fun and action, and more power to you. I’m glad somebody liked it. But the fact of the matter is, this film did a lot of bad things for the franchise, and I frankly hope that they end it with this film.

I wonder what Bryan Singer has to say about this shitheap?I could go on, but many of the major issues I had with the flick would give away some pretty hefty spoilers, so we’ll just cut it off here.

I’ve always liked Kylie Minogue. Not for her singing career, obviously, as I can’t name a single song from her portfolio. I’ve always had a thing for her excellent little Australian body. It’s sad that she had to go through the whole breast cancer debacle, but she seems to be on the recovery trail. So take a look back with me, internet lovers, and appreciate a time when all was well in the land down under.

I love how her sister has been media-whoring herself around (or at least, that’s what the media portrays) after her sister’s struggle. Yeah, poor Danni. Hard to be the one who, you know, didn’t get cancer.

From: Warzin
Subject: ds lite

Dont know if you are getting a ds lite but Overstock.com has 10% off so you can get it for 117.49 shipped.

I would love to know how this is possible. Somebody please inform me, and I will post it here. Right here. This spot. See this area here? We’re reservin’ this occular real estate for DEALS, bitch.

If you vaguely recognize Zita Gorog, then you’ve probably paid close attention to the Underworld series. If this is true, I pity you. I only recognize her as that nice set of tits that I posted as SOTD that one time. …or this time. Whatever.

I’m so angry at all of the questions at the end of Lost, I can barely get turned on by this fine specimen.

Barely, but still successfully.

So they give us one fucking answer, and 80 freaking new questions.

So… so angry.

Elena Santarelli is some Italian sports show host, which probably means that the only sport she knows anything about is soccer. So basically, she’s useless in any kind of verbal capacity. Although hearing her talk dirty in Italian might make for a good time.

I don’t remember seeing anything close to this while I was in Italy. Just your average every day chicks, and the occasional really hairy broad. Lies, lies, and damned lies!

You lucky bastards. Thanks to my complete laziness yesterday (we’ll get to that) you get not one, but TWO slices today. Try not to asplode.

First up on the roster is Amber Smith.

Amber here has been a model since the tender age of 16. She has now moved on to the admirable B-movie nudie chick milieu, and I can’t thank her enough.