BAMF

Oh man. Oh man oh man. I treat you, my vile and angry hoarde, to Paris Hilton’s music video for the song: “Stars Are Blind.”

You might want to take a shot or swallow some pills prior to hitting the “play” button there. There should be a buffer between anyone’s grey matter and this… whatever the fuck you want to call this. Other than brilliance, son!

Dear America,

Your occular attention span at the supermarket checkout stand for one week costs $4.1 million wholesale, at a minimum.

And then the first taste of Tenacious D: The Pick of Destiny came before us….

And the townspeople were horny. In droves.

Wow, some people have way too much time on their hands. And I envy the product of their respective nerdiness, especially in the case of the Top 10 Strangest Console Mods.

I’ll cut to the chase for those of you who don’t feel like clickin’, the portable PS2 was the numero uno on the list. While technologically impressive, I was more dazzled by the work put into the others, such as the Dreamcast and NES mods. Oh well.

I don’t know why Nintendo has never thought to sell the rights to make a portable NES to some entrepreneurial little company, just to dig into that barrel of nostalgic goodwill. Probably because the fuckers want to rerelease every game for $20 on the GBA, or get me to buy the ROM on the Wii. Fuckers.

Holy boner in Bob Dole’s underoos, did you know that Vida Guerra is going to be in Playboy this month? That’s right, issues should be shipping out to your newsstands as we sweat with anticipation. And I’ll do my best to get em to you as soon as they’re available. In the meantime, here’s her ass with a little more clothing on it.

Apparently the new gallery images are from “Black Men” magazine. I didn’t even know that such a circulation existed. I find it stereotypically hilarious (and hot) that they feature such a huge spread dedicated to one of the hugest and finest asses in Hollywood. Do they have a photo shoot with Keyra Agustina eating some juicy watermelon coming up next month?

The Pirate Bay is back.

In case you hadn’t heard, the Pirate Bay, famous for thumbing their noses at the MPAA and other such organizations, was raided by Swedish police this week. The US government sat down with the Swedes and asked them to have a little “chit-chat” with the server operators regarding the legality of the content. Of course, a few days later the Pirate Bay is back up and running and business is back to normal. Well, most of it.

I’m waiting for the pirates to update the blog. I’m quite interested to hear what’s happened the last few days.

Seems that while I’ve been out doing actual work (I know, it leaves a foul taste in my mouth too) Microsoft was doing some work of their own… by tanking their reputation amongst legacy owners. In an interview with Kikizo, Peter Moore stated that backwards compatibility for the 360 might soon be ditched.

“Nobody is concerned anymore about backwards compatibility. We under promised and over delivered on that. It’s a very complicated thing… very complex work. I’m just stunned that we have hundreds of games that are backwards compatible.”

He added: “more are coming, but at some point, you just go, there’s enough, let’s move on, or people aren’t as worried about a game being backwards compatible – and I like to think we’ve upheld our end of the bargain in making at least two or maybe three hundred games backwards compat.”

As you can imagine, the backlash in the gaming community was received about as well as Tom Leykis at a NOW fundraiser. The outcry was loud and abusive, with seemingly no word to the contrary from the big M. Thankfully, if this story is to be believed, Peter Moore is a fucking idiot:

The entry on the blog said an update was due soon that would add another dozen titles to the roster of those that can already be played on the Xbox 360.

More than 200 Xbox games can be played on the next-generation console. “But rest assured, we’re not done yet,” it added.

The blog entry said too many people cared about backwards compatibility to halt work on the development programme to move old games to the new console.

I read a lot of comments from different users, more than likely a bunch of 12-year-olds with daddy’s credit card, who seemed to think that backwards compatibility is a non-issue. I saw a lot of “who cares” and “why bother” and “you’re a bunch of crybabies” being shouted (in text form) to the masses complaining over the controversial move. It is quite tragic that most of these morons are ill informed to the fact that their opinion does not necessarily reflect everyone else’s opinions. And the fact of the matter is, backwards compatibility has become a huge selling point for game systems since the PS2 and GBA popularized the trend. Families who cannot afford to drop $400 on an Xbox 360, plus the additional hundreds of dollars for games and accessories, are quite relieved to hear that their children will still be able to play older, popular games on the system. And in case you snot nosed little pricks didn’t know, parents are one of the biggest demographics when it comes to these consoles.

I kind of miss the old days, when the web was filled with “internet tough guys” and dudes posing as women. Kids these days seem about as smart as a Pauly Shore comedy.

For an unemployed guy, I sure do work a fucking lot.

I apologize for the lack of updates this week, I’ve been working out in the field since Monday trying to drum up as much business as possible, all the while earning a steady paycheck. Things are looking pretty good at the moment, so I’m quite pleased, but I have been neglecting you, my poor internet lovers. For this, I intend to make things up to you in spades. In the meantime, try to bear with your ol’ pal Sharkey.

The good news is, the new system that will run BAMF is nearly operational. We’re going to be on the lookout for quality writers who want to be part of the new features and content we’re going to focus on here. So if you’re an egotistical prick with a talent for writing, hit me up with an email and some samples of what you can do. If you focus on a specific aspect of the site (music, games, women), even better.

Speaking of which, I’d better upload some game news, humor, and titties before the rest of you get cranky.

Hahahahahahahahahaha (Ghost Rider trailer, in case you missed it)

I get back from work to find a bevvy of Nintendo related news. Every time I post some story about the Wii or the DS, I kind of feel like I am humbly realigning karma, since I so greatly doubted them in the past. That, and the stories make my penis hard in a way that probably makes my girlfriend a bit nervous. First of all, Nintendo finally put an official $250 price tag on the Wii. That’s half the price of Sony’s totally fucking worthless 20GB version of the PS3. That’s $150 less than the 360. And at the moment, the Wii has more titles that I desperately want than the other two combined. Matter of fact, Nintendo’s entire 2006 lineup is shaping up to be pretty fantastic. I am hurt and hardened by this. My wallet is pleased as punch though.

Speaking of which, these Zelda: Twilight Princess screenshots are quite excellent. I’d really like some amazing news on the PS3, PSP, or Xbox 360 front, because I’m really tired of whoring out BAMF to Nintendo and not getting a fat paycheck for it.