BAMF

Oh God… why didn’t this happen like 6 years ago? Seeing a twice-preggified Britney Spears naked in Harper’s magazine just isn’t the way to start my day. It’s a way to end it, along with me jabbing sporks into my eyesockets to prevent the visions from recurring.

On that note, enjoy the pics.

So on that note, I’m going to go throw up a little in the sink and then be right back with you.

Myspacer Robbed By 14-Year Old Girls (thanks FaaQ)

Even better, the fucker didn’t have any money on him.

That is when two girls who were 14 and 15-years-old, approached him saying they knew Natalia, the girl he thought he’d be meeting. They also said they knew where he worked at what car he drove.

Now sensing something was wrong, he was ready to take off, but was stopped by a shocking discovery.

“[One of the girls] took [a] gun out and put it to my head and told me to empty my pockets.”

Haha, “shocking discovery.” I highly recommend reading this article for the writer’s ability alone. Based on the story, this guy gets shocked so often that I’m surprised that he didn’t keel over and die of a heart attack.

Oh and a word of advice to the rest of you, if you’re going to meet a chick off of the internet, be the one with the gun. Especially if she’s 14.

Super Mario World Room.

You could have some really oddly fucked up sex in that room.

Spider-Man 3 trailer. Bootleg, but who cares?

Oh, and some snakes on a mothafuckin’ plane.

As soon as she said the word “drool” I lost all ability to stiffify my wang for at least the next few hours. I think I’ll take a nap until this is rectified.

Jon Stewart on the House & Violent Video Games

Why the Hell did nobody laugh during that multimedia presentation?

[ Toshiba Unveils 1TB HD DVD Recorder ]

And it is fucking sexy.

Anybody here make it to the theaters to see Mission Impossible 3? I didn’t, and sadly I missed out on the fantastic Michelle Monaghan, who was apparently quite hot in the flick. But now that I’ve seen her bare-ass nekkid in Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang, I don’t really need to see that Tom Cruise shitfest, do I?

Let us all revel in this fact by partaking of her gallery.

How many times do you think that a poorly-conceived “I’d like to Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang her” joke has been made since she took her top off in that film? I could attempt to figure out a rough estimate, but no doubt the US government has given a grant to a team of crack scientists who will not rest until a proper equation is formulated, tested, and formulated yet again. I’m guessing it’d be something like:

(Box Office Dollars / Average Ticket Cost) / (Douches Who Saw It – Nearby Women) = Why the fuck did I bring this up?

Pitchfork put up this list a long while back (pretty sure I linked to it) describing their list of 100 awesome music videos. Note that they don’t use the words “best” or “top,” just 100 of their personal favorites. Well, thanks to the venture capital draining power of Youtube, they’ve given you the ability to watch every single fucking one. I was quite pleased to see Electric Six in the mix, but especially tickled to see this Blur video, which Bud introduced me to back in the days of BAMF’s infancy.

I particularly appreciate the fact that Blind Melon’s video for “No Rain” featuring the Bee Girl did not appear on this list.

So last week I did a favor and went down to this Catholic school (K-6, hot!) to help them out. As I walked into the teacher’s lounge area, I paused at a particular image of Jesus with a group of children. I stood there for a few seconds staring, trying to comprehend what I was seeing.

I had to snap a photo. Maybe it was the fact that I’d just watched The Longest Yard two weeks ago, but I definitely see the divine presence in this imagery. I can almost hear the conversation.

Child: “Jesus, why do you let bad things happen to good people?”
Jesus: “Yeah, that’s not my name.”
Child: *sighs* “OK…. Turd Ferguson.”
Jesus: “HA HA! Heh, yeah, whadd’you want?”

Heh, dammit, now I want to watch Celebrity Jeopardy. Here’s that particular episode I was quoting, just in case you need it.