BAMF

Natalie Portman had better not be teasing us like that Closer debacle. She has yet again decided to shed her clothes on film.

The film is a historical drama which focuses on the revered artist Francisco Goya. Portman plays the artist’s muse, who becomes wrapped up in a controversy after being accused of being a heretic by a Monk. Portman will appear nude during the movie’s torture scenes.

My wang remains skeptically optimistic.

…vertically skeptically optimistic.

New Lindsay Lohan gallery from GQ, and it looks like the girl put down the blow and ate a ham sammitch for once, because her boobs are back! Sweet merciful Christmas, it is a good day.

*sigh*

Memories. Now if she’d influence the Olsen Twins to have a panini and ditch the hobo-wear, I’d declare a national holiday and we could all go home for the afternoon. I can do this. Don’t question it.

Zelda on a Graphing Calculator

Pretty fucking rad. Makes me wish I still had one.

Wow, the little red paperclip dude finally did it. (thanks BW)

He bartered all the way up to an afternoon with rock star Alice Cooper, a KISS snow globe and finally a paid role in a Corbin Bernsen movie called Donna on Demand.

Now, the town of Kipling, Sask., located about two hours east of Regina with a population of 1,100, has offered MacDonald a farmhouse in exchange for the role in the movie.

Damn. And the rest of us sit here scratching our balls and wondering where we can get more free porn. Kudos to you, you innovative little shit.

It’s been a busy week, for comedically tragic reasons that I will detail in pictorial form in a moment, but before I get to that and my thoughts on Pirates, let me just leave you all with this thought:

If you didn’t give a shit about soccer before this summer, you have no Goddamned right to speak about it. Sure, we may be in the land of the free and the home of the brave, but it’s going to be the land of the me stabbing you in the fucking mouth if I have to hear one more person tell me their opinion on France, Italy, Germany, or any other fucking country that wants to kick that little ball around for 90 minutes. If you’re an American, you immediately hate France, laugh at the stereotype of national penile abbreviation that plague the Jerries, and… I dunno, lust after the Italians. Beyond that, it doesn’t fucking matter, unless you’ve been a lifelong “futbol” fan, in which case… good for you, and your patience. Have a Newcastle on me.

Thank you for your time. Uh… go Arsenal. That’s… uh, that’s a a team, right?

Even though I could do the job with software and some extra time, I really freakin’ want one of these bitchin’ iPod video docks. Even if it is $200, I think it’d make sweet delicious video love to my Tivo. The video options make me suspicious though, I’d certainly let one of my spend-happy associates pick one up first, so that I can inspect the goods first hand.

Speaking of goods, Microsoft just informed the music-loving populace that they will be offering free compatible versions of any songs that you have purchased on Itunes if you use their upcoming MP3 player. The ability to update the device wirelessly is also a pretty nifty selling point. If nothing else, this will help to push Apple to innovate further. Either way, I get bitchin’ tech at lower prices. Yay capitalism!

I thought the bastard could fly though…

As soon as I saw those blinking KITT lights, I prayed for the button to come into play. And lo, God did heed my humble request.

More for the humor value than the non-existent boner value.

Good work, little one.

New Transformers trailer got leaked this morning. Special thanks to Billy Ray for the heads up. As you can see, the movie looks awesome… based on the fact that you see zero fucking percent of it in this teaser. Oh well.

Anybody have that pic of Bumblebee from the set? I saw it the other day, and figured we may as well have something that resembles what will actually be in the flick around here.

Alright. Lunch expunged, sink befouled, and I’m a little bit happier. So now on a slightly more positive note, let’s examine someone who I will be pleased to see in the buff. Namely, miss Michelle Marsh, of Page 3 fame.

Much better. I think I’m ready for a new lunch now. And by “new lunch” I of course mean “masturbatory work break.”