BAMF

Expanding upon the Portal linkage from yesterday, here’s the trailer for Team Fortress 2. I’m quite pleased…

Bongweasel has requested that I mock anybody here who does not appreciate the art style of this game, and dammit I’m going to fulfill that request. Any of you crybabies who are upset at this wholly appropriate and downright genius changes to the art style can go eat a dick. The kind of cookie-cutter shit that you seem to appreciate usually goes completely unnoticed by me, and considering the fact that rarely does a game actually succeed without me giving a shit about it, that makes you a complete waste of carbon. It’s the truth, ask any game developer. Somehow, like my ability to solve Wheel of Fortune puzzles without any letters being turned over coupled with my inability to keep my shoes tied, I am the idiot savant of the gaming industry. My reliance on these off-kilter gut instincts have led to numerous Scrabble victories, not being killed in a wheat thresher, and having sex with… well, women in general. You whining bitches, however, more than likely complain when a female starlet gets an ass wrinkle, or cry to the heavens when your favorite sports team loses asking “Why have you done this to me, oh Lord?!?” You must realize that these things have nothing to do with you, because you are the steaming pile of horse shit in the gastric ballet that is life. You have no room to complain, because quite frankly, nobody asked for your retarded fucking opinion.

I’m pretty rad though. I dunno if you picked up on that general theme in this post but… yeah. Rad. All those who support this theory should buy Team Fortress 2.

*This message brought to you by Valve Software. Keep gaming, bitches.

Holy shit. Watch this demo video for Valve’s “Portal.” (courtesy of Bongweasel)

I hope that the game has more to it than just the portal system, but damn… it’s awesome nonetheless.

Bongy informs me that this is actually just a small game that’s going to be included with Half Life 2: Episode 2, and also Half Life 2 (w/Episodes 1 & 2) for the Xbox 360 and PS3. Team Fotress 2 will also be included, effectively ending any free time you or I will have around the time of its release.

There are new pics of Summer Altice up over at SOTD. Her ass flabbergasts me. I can’t think of another word that accurately describes my feelings towards her caboose, all that really springs to mind is a series of lewd gestures that would get me thrown out of most respectable establishments.

I have to go hump some sort of inanimate object for a bit, you understand.

You’ve got to appreciate the excellence that is a well-timed nipple slip. Say what you will about the intrusiveness of the paparazzi, those fuckers have catching nipple slips down to a science. Speaking of which, there’s a nice one of Mischa Barton up right now. Not perfect, but it kind of helps when you consider what an uppitty bitch she is.

No well bred British chick would ever model her linguistic skills after Paris Hilton. Paris can’t even suck a dick properly. Why would you trust what comes out of her mouth if she doesn’t know what to do with whatever you put into it?

The bright side is, Chappelle’s Show will never have the chance to jump the shark.

Watch the first 25 minutes of A Scanner Darkly.

Bongweasel saw it, says it’s pretty excellent. The book is fantastic, and this excerpt gives me high hopes for Linklater’s vision of the flick.

Glad to know that I’m not the only one who finds these commercials annoying. Shame really, since Justin Long is a pretty funny guy. I hate to associate him with such a douchebag image.

There’s not really going to be Plinko on the PSP. God doesn’t like us that much. But we do get this bit of excellent news, which really revs my engine.

Welcome to 2.71, oh wait you haven’t updated yet? That won’t matter anymore with the latest release of Devhook 0.44 Booster has enabled emulation of the full PSP 2.71 firmware via Devhook which can run on your 1.50 PSP. This amazing update will finally allow you to run Flash on your PSP (flash 6) not to mention the full support of all 2.71 features and games. What a trip. Thankfully with developers like Booster, the PSP community can rest assured that our 1.50 PSP’s will be “feature friendly” and compatable with everything that Sony currently has to offer… at least until the next firmware update…

Fanfuckingtastic. Like I need something else to keep me from posting.

Who doesn’t love a nice eyeful of the delectible Gisele Bundchen? Gay people, that’s who. And you’re not one of them gays, are you? Are you? ARE YOU?

…except for Baaron. And maybe my cousin, but we haven’t confirmed that yet.

Speaking of gay people, what the shit is this all about? (thanks Bongy)

A leaflet distributed in several neighborhoods in Jerusalem offered NIS 20,000 to anyone who kills participants in the International Gay Pride Parade scheduled to take place in Jerusalem next month.

Look, sexuality doesn’t even come into play in this matter. Gay, straight, black, white, martian… if somebody pays me the equivalent of $5K US for killing anonymous douchebags in another country, my only question is “How much is a fucking plane ticket?!?”

I don’t care how fucking cool the device is, it can suck my dick and cook my dinner for all I care. I am not carrying around something called the “Zune”.

Now if it sucks my dick and plays with the balls, I’ll consider it.