BAMF

I’m sure everyone will complain about the components used and whatnot, but fuck you, this is a pretty decent starter’s guide to putting a bitchin’ Touchscreen Media PC in your car. I’m like, perma-hard at the idea of this. Although I’m surprised the fuckers didn’t pop a wifi card in this sucker. There’s so much free wifi in my area, I’d definitely want the ability to just pull up alongside a coffee shop and get some news updates or download some new songs.

Speaking of hard, btw…

Holly Valance. So fucking hot.

I just crashed into the Matterhorn thanks to this clever little game that lets you fly a plane over specific coordinates of Google maps. Im gonna go crash into my house right now.

Anybody seen this spread of Heidi Klum from Esquire magazine? It’s… fantastic. I mean we’ve all seen various parts of her anatomy that are barely covered up in this spread, but this shoot is just excellent. Especially when you consider that she’s given birth to the seed of Seal, she’s still got a body that makes normal men hand over their wallets with a slight jiggle of her ass.

Little known fact: I keep a maximum of $20 in my wallet at all times, just in case I ever do run across Heidi on a busy Los Angeles street. If I’m gonna lose, I’m gonna lose small.

Ever heard of a “bumpkey?” A lot of you probably have at this point, but the rest of you might want to check out this video. It’s basically a filed down key that you bump with a slight bit of force, and it pops open a wide majority of locks. Pretty neat stuff, I suggest you start stealing from your neighbors and sending me a 10% cut for turning you on to this amazing technology.

Starfox Command DS Review

It’s got strategy and action elements, which makes me wonder if they’re listening at all. Give me Starfox for the SNES and Starfox for the N64 rolled into one radical explosion of gaming orgasm, spitting spermlike projectiles of mission-based goodness right into everyone’s faces. Mucking things up with land-based vehicles, getting out of the ships, and strategy… that’s a surefire way to piss me off. And when I get pissed off, my disposable income shifts heavily from the “games and dvds” arena to the “booze and strippers” section of the budget.

I’m still going to buy this though, because I have booze and a girlfriend, who is like a stripper, only more expensive.

I know that I’ve turned quite a few of you literate sons of bitches into Nick Twisp fans, so it behooves me to inform you that there are two new Twispian novels available for your mental consumption.

The first, “Youth And Revolting: The Continental Journals of Nick Twisp,” chronicles the next phase of Nick’s adventures after the events of “Revolting Youth.” There’s a keen sample up on C.D. Payne’s website. And just for good measure, you can order it here.

The second was a bit of a surprise when I first heard about it, but I totally support the idea of C.D. Payne writing more in the same genre because the dude fucking owns it like a racist southern landowner before those damn yankees came along and ruined everything. It’s called “Revoltingly Young:The Journals of Nick Twisp’sYounger Brother” (the guy comes up with some original titles, no?) and what do you know, there’s yet another sample, you lucky prick. And of course, because I’m nice, here’s a spot to order the sum’bitch. I’ll be doing so in just a moment.

Thirdly, Harold “Egon from Ghostbusters” Ramis co-wrote the shitty Weatherman song from Groundhog Day. True story. Slap him if you ever see him.

I’m about to run out of the office right now, but I couldn’t deprive you from Jessica Simpson’s nipples for even 2 mere hours.

Top row of pictures, blue dress, see through excellence. I’ll update this post when I get back, I trust that you can handle things without a thumbnail and an adequate description until then.

Cue Nelson: “Ha-Ha!”

So I waited to discuss the whole E3 fiasco because I wanted more information, and I’m very very lazy. It’s kind of a good thing and a bad thing for the industry. Good because it’ll try to restore E3 to it’s roots, which is continuing good business amongst game developers and publishers. Bad because… because I probably won’t be invited to the next one. And my wrath is quite terrible.

The lack of E3 will probably upset some really… really fat people out there, but it’s for the best. Los Angeles didn’t need another reason to smell like a wet armpit, and E3 gave it about 30,000 reasons every spring. And let me tell you something, on a bad windy day, that shit wafts down towards Orange County like the fog of war from Warcraft. Except instead of fog, it’s ass smell. And instead of war, it’s more ass smell.

Bongweasel, thoughts on the ass?