BAMF

I want this shirt. And this one. And one of these while I’m at it.

And while I’m shopping, this would make a great new hat.

McFarlane Starts Writing New Spawn Movie

“Spawn” creator Todd McFarlane has announced that he has officially begun writing the screenplay for a new movie based on the character.

“The story has been in my head for 7 or 8 years,” McFarlane said. “The movie idea is neither a recap or continuation. It is a standalone story that will be R-rated. Creepy and scary.”

He added that “the tone of this ‘Spawn’ movie will be for a more older audience. Like the film ‘Departed.'”

So the old weary artist inside regrets cashing in and making that first piece of shit flick, and now he wants another shot at glory. That, or he hopes that the lingering stench of John Leguizamo has cleared out, and the public will have forgotten his past filmmaking sins. Either way, it should be a spectacular piece of garbage, and I can’t wait to get exceptionally drunk and not watch it.

If he really wants to get my attention, he should make a movie about what a good investment those home run baseballs were.

Yes, yes, yes, fucking yes. A thousand times yes.

Sheeni isn’t quite what I imagined, but Steve fucking Buscemi as George F. Twisp? Genius.

Swedish Lesbians Suck Sperm Banks Dry

Sweden’s fertility clinics are racking up a serious backlog of people waiting for artificial insemination, due in part to a “spike” in demand from lesbian couples for vital supplies of man juice.

So bad have things got that prospective customers at Sahlgrenska University Hospital in Gothenburg are now forced to wait 18 months for treatment.

Those guys at the Register are always good for a laugh.

In the last year or so, I’ve seen close to 1000 ads for different medical weed spots crop up in just OC and LA counties. With Obama saying basically that he won’t bother with potheads, these shops have been popping up with more frequency than Starbucks or McDonalds. That said, it looks like someone is capitalizing on the new basically legalized weed production in SoCal in what I tend to refer to as Stoner Stimulus:

Residents of Newport Beach, Costa Mesa and Huntington Beach will reap the rewards of late-night delivery that will last until 3 a.m. Sunday-Thursday and 5 a.m. on Friday and Saturday.

Beginning tonight, Midnight Muncheez will sell sandwiches (”fat” sandwiches, says co-owner Jared Jones, pictured left) with such fillings as pastrami, turkey, meatballs and roast beef. They’ll be available hot or cold for about $7.

There’s also a king-size hot dog with a smattering of toppings that can be ordered.

The real highlight, which Jones said is expected to launch Aug. 21, is the 14-inch pizza, eight slices per pie, that will cost $11.99. Each topping will cost $1 and there’s a normal selection of meats and veggies to choose from.

The idea is that not everybody drinks late into the night, but even non-drinkers have to eat, Jones said.

I remember during the dotcom boom sites like Cosmo and PinkDot would deliver pretty much anything at any time. This idea sounds like a pretty good one for wacked out people who shouldnt be making a taco bell run at 4 am.

You are never macho when posing shirtless with any animal that lives on a farm.

All he needs to do is grow a beard and he can be the 5th member of Bear Force One.

Who doesn’t like burnt jew cookies? Is it just me or does she look more like Saddam than Hitler? Next week she will probably be performing a Bris dressed as Goering.

Batchelor Parties usually should not involve anal rape

When the man, who was on all fours and naked from the knees up, asked her not to go near his anus, she allegedly said: ‘‘Not a problem. Relax. It’s only fun. I won’t go there.’

But Mr Gilligan said that soon after Naggs applied cream or lubricant to his buttocks, he felt a sharp pain, a thrust and the dildo ‘‘go right into his anal passage’’.

He said the man was hurt and shocked and after Naggs allegedly told him not to worry because ‘‘only you and I know’’, he said: ‘‘What the f— did you do that for, you stupid bitch.’’

One made of pink, right in the stink.

Pedobear!