BAMF

I’m up at my parent’s ranch in Washington. Really odd to say that, as my parents are such dedicated city folk. They decided that for their retirement they’d like to spend summers up here on this huge plot of land in the middle of nowhere, and the winters back in sunny So Cal. They’ve been doing it for awhile and love it, so I finally decided to come and see what all the excitement was about. After a day up here, I can see why, with one exception: 26.6k Internet access. I think the tubes for their interweb connection consist of the latest in tin-can-and-string technology. I’ll try to post the SOTD in a little while, if I can get a few hours to dedicate to the effort.

Diane Lane is one of those women who seems to defy time with her fantastic bosoms. She’s gotten more mileage out of that body than the most cautious of Honda owners. And God bless her for continuing to show it off by taking off her clothing.

Updated gallery. You know the drill.

I’m bettin’ the bride who approved of this wedding cake had one hell of a larboard side.

Yarr, it be that time of year again, matey. The hour is at hand where bitches become wenches, and prosthetic limbs are exchanged for peg legs. Aye, it be International Talk Like A Pirate Day. So go out and rape the sauciest wench you’ve ever seen, because today it be legal. Gooood an’ legal. So go steal some MP3s, because we scallywags don’t go in fer’ anythin’ legal.

Wow.

Hey, would you look at that! The Alexis Bledel gallery doesn’t totally fucking suck anymore! Huzzah!

I think I deserve a Coke®.

So as I’m sure most of you have heard by now, a whole slew of Nintendo Wii news hit the tubes of the interweb today. Let’s break down some of the bigger points:

• The system will launch on November 19th, with an MSRP of $250. It’ll come packaged with Wii Sports, which has the tennis game shown at E3, bowling, baseball, golf, and boxing. A pretty good strategy for getting people used to the Wii-mote.
• There will be 25 titles at launch, the biggest of course being Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess. First party games retail for $50.
• The Wii will have the Opera browser (Flash enabled) for browsing on the console, although I can’t ever see myself using it. There is quite a bit of speculation that the browser will be free for a limited time.
• The Virtual Console will work on a “WiiPoints” system, where you purchase in multiples of 2000 points for $20 a pop. They can be spent on any of the NES, SNES, and N64 games that will be available. 30 games will be up for grabs at launch, with 60 on the way before the end of the year. The prices break down as such: NES Games: $5. SNES Games: $8. N64 Games: $10.
• Resident Evil: Umbrella Chronicles. Damn near everyone’s favorite characters are back, including Jill, Chris, and Leon. No official release date, although they did push Metroid Prime 3 back until 2007.
• ALL first-party games will be widescreen.
• There will be no online titles at launch, none scheduled until Pokemon on December 2nd.
• The Wii will be region-free. Play Japanese imports to your heart’s content.

Sad that the Gamecube version of Zelda won’t be out until Christmas, but who am I kidding, I’ll have a Wii on launch day. And, for the twelfth time, I will re-purchase all of my old favorite NES games because I must have them in every available format. It’s a disease, and you can’t blame me for having a disease, you insensetive pricks.

Finally, something to brighten the day for my penis. After unflattering nether regions and unflattering facial regions, my boys could use a little bit of Jennifer Love Hewitt to boost morale and lift um… spirits.

That girl needs to stop doing shit like Garfield and move on to shit like Poison Ivy 12. Anything to free those puppies before they start sagging down to her ankles.

OK, I’m going to insist that if Lindsay Lohan is going to go around flashing her vagina to everyone that she at least has the common decency of giving us a shot worth violating ourselves to.

It’s like someone slapped Fergie’s face inbetween Lindsay’s thighs. Still no word on whether or not this sucker is legit, but there’s no word discrediting it either, so why not?

For those of you who didn’t stop watching anime around the time the dot-com bubble burst, there are going to be 4 new Evangelion movies to satisfy that partially dead otaku inside of you. Hopefully it involves less whining and more animated boobs.