BAMF

Google Acquires Youtube For $1.65 Billion.

…

Billion.

Google Inc. said Monday it’s buying No. 1 Internet video sharing Web site YouTube Inc. for $1.65 billion in stock. The deal is regarded as a largely defensive one that leapfrogs Google into a leading role in a burgeoning Internet marketplace. Moreover, the Google/YouTube deal highlights how Google and other Internet companies are betting heavily on video to attract more customers and generate more advertising revenue. Indeed, many analysts chiming in on the deal Monday suspect Google’s competitors will now seek to buy YouTube-wannabes in order to keep pace with their rival. On Monday, the boards of directors of both Google and YouTube approved the terms of the deal, which was announced after the market closed for the day.

… 2 owners. Just over 60 employees.

Fucking billion.

Excellent clip from Inside Edition circa 1988, hosted by Bill O’Rielly no less, regarding the “Nintendo phenominon.”

It had Howard Philips (from the Nester comics!) and Bill White, both of whom I am ashamed to know plenty of facts about. Philips, for example, was one of the first people in North America to play Donkey Kong, and was just about the only person at Nintendo of America who thought that the game was any good.

I share these bits of information with you, because if I shared them with my girlfriend, she wouldn’t have sex with me.

Lego® Ice Cube Trays

This is the raddest thing I’ve seen in weeks. They have a lot of other cool stuff over there too, go check it out.

Behind the scenes of Lord of the Rings, had it been directed by George Lucas.

George Lucas seems to think that he’s got the answer to the movie industry’s woes: quitting it altogether. Although he is correct, I’m afraid his heart just isn’t in the right place. See, as opposed to realizing that he’s lost his fucking marbles and just can’t cut it as a creative force, he just merrily comes to the conclusion that the film industry as it stands is doomed.

George Lucas has a message for studios that are cutting their slates and shifting toward big-budget tentpoles and franchises: You’ve got it all wrong.

The creator of “Star Wars,” which stamped the template for the franchise-tentpole film, says many small films and Web distribution are the future.

“We don’t want to make movies. We’re about to get into television. As far as Lucasfilm is concerned, we’ve moved away from the feature film thing because it’s too expensive and it’s too risky.

“I think the secret to the future is quantity,” Lucas said.

Quantity. Yes. Kind of like the latest Star Wars trilogy, where you gave us massive quantities of suck dusted with a few sprinkles of quality glaze. If you can’t even mildly entertain me with a lightsaber battle, you have officially failed at life. I can’t wait to see what horrors he puts the franchise through on the small screen. Considering the Star Wars Christmas special, and the made-for-TV Ewok films, I’m so fucking excited I could shit another prequel.

If there’s one thing that you, the faithful reader, should have picked up over the years it is this: I am a gigantic prick. But coming in with a respectable silver medal is the fact that I cannot, and will not, play any MMO RPGs. The level of nerdiness that it requires is simply too great. And as anyone who knows me can attest, I am proud of my nerdly heritage. I flaunt it. I wave it around in your face and make 8-bit game noises while doing the Mario. Yet somehow my nerd RAM level comes in just below the system requirements to install Everquest and the like.

I did install Star Wars Galaxies one time though, and was amused for five minutes by my girlfriend’s discovery that crouching made it appear as though one were fellating another character.

That said, I’m not exactly sure what to think of Whores of Warcraft, which features WoW themed pornography starring some well-knownish fake-tittied sperm receptacles. On the one hand, you’ve got a fetish that blips onto my Doppler® “What The Fuck” Radar somewhere between furries and girls-wearing-casts. On the other hand, there are naked women having sex which, thanks to the possibilities of comedy and/or hotness, is rarely a bad thing. And having been dragged to a renaissance festival once, I can attest that the chances for hilarity are as high as I was on that horrible day.

It costs $7.95 for each episode, which is sort of laughable considering the audience. Aren’t these a bunch of tubby nerds (or Korean kids) sitting around in a basement somewhere reading BluesNews all day and night? I’m thinking that this will be pirated rather quickly, which is quite humorous considering the heavy piratey themed emphasis of the content. Still, if anyone decides to plunk down the shekels and wants to share this bounty with me, I’ll be much obliged. Especially if you keep your filthy fucking hands off of me.

The official trailer for Frank Miller’s The 300 has been released, and it is fan-fucking-tastic. Standard, HD, iPod video, pick your poison.

Tonight is the season premiere of “Lost,” and I plan to watch it in glorious high definition on the new TV of giantness. I’d imagine that Evangeline Lilly will look ten times sexier in hi-def, as opposed to that episode of “Wheel of Fortune” we caught the other night. Good mother of God, crystal clear picture can be a blessing and a curse, especially when Pat Sajack’s huge fucking noggin’ is involved.

So, “Lost.” There are a couple of spoilerish videos out there for those of you who cannot resist. Here’s one, and here’s another. Go ahead, have a look.

*Emporer Voice* “Youuu want this…. don’t you?”

Either the Brits have no sense of taste whatsoever, or they really hate themselves. There’s no other possible reason that something so turgid and devoid of talent can be the top requested funeral song in Great Britain.

The top 10 requested songs were:

1 – “Goodbye My Lover” – James Blunt
2 – “Angels” – Robbie Williams
3 – “I’ve Had The Time Of My Life” – Jennifer Warnes and Bill Medley
4 – “Wind Beneath My Wings” – Bette Midler
5 – “Pie Jesu” – Requiem
6 – “Candle In The Wind” – Elton John
7 – “With Or Without You” – U2
8 – “Tears In Heaven” – Eric Clapton
9 – “Every Breath You Take – The Police
10 -“Unchained Melody” – Righteous Brothers.

If ever I am submitted to a funeral featuring this song, composed and performed by the most talentless twat I’ve witnessed in many years, then I hope that I was the cause of death for that particular tasteless corpse. That, or some sort of practical joke on a deceased friend with a good sense of humor, are the only two passable reasons that I can muster for such a travesty.

… “I’ve Had The Time Of My Life” made me chuckle though.

It’s sad that school shootings are so “business as usual” in the USA, but they’re becoming far too commonplace for any of us to really stand up and take notice when they appear on the news.

Well, almost.

PARADISE, Pennsylvania (CNN) — A 32-year-old truck driver walked into a one-room Amish schoolhouse Monday, binding and shooting three girls execution-style before killing himself, police said.

Eight other girls were wounded in the attack, which police said appeared to be a revenge killing for an incident that occurred two decades ago.

“It seems as though he wanted to attack young female victims, and this is close to his residence. That’s the only reason we can figure that he went to the school,” said Miller.

It would have made for quite a few punchlines had the shooter actually been Amish, rather than merely crazy. At least with a guy that age, Marilyn Manson is probably off the hook. And come to think of it, so are games like Doom and GTA. They like to state that these school-killers “hones their craft” with such games, but I’d imagine it doesn’t even take seasoned pointing-and-clicking skills to knock off a few Amish schoolgirls. Just shout that there’s an apple pick or a barn raising happening outside and point the futuristic death contraption at the unwitting fodder.

Yeah, I’m a bad man, but they’ll never know. Unless someone transcribes the internet and hand delivers it to the farm.