BAMF

I’ve heard a lot of buzz surrounding this little article over on VG Resource, which discusses a Gamespot review of Zelda: Twilight Princess that was not as favorable as most people would have liked. The big fella gives Link’s latest outing an 8.8, which was received rather poorly by the rabid masses. A lot of curse words were thrown around, the reviewer’s Wikipedia entry was repeatedly vandalized, and a lot of comments were made regarding his heritage and girth.

The initial article is a well thought-out little piece on how it seems that opinions no longer matter on the Internet. It is suggested that these days, agreeing with the masses is more important than formulating your own conclusions. Dare I say, that the author insinuates for just a moment that the Internet is almost entirely comprised of a bunch of mob-mentality cretins who viciously troll any sort of opinion that would have the audacity to directly contrast their own?

Wow. It’s a real fucking think piece.

Don’t get me wrong, the guy has a point regarding the nature of these trolls, and how they essentially invalidate the opportunities that the Internet represents. They destroy any ability for opinions or intellectual debate to take place by angrily seeking retribution against anyone who opposes their beliefs.

To the author I say this: Guess what numbnuts, those trolls are the internet. They are humanity. And you are an idiot for expecting anything more.

Let me break it down for you in simple terms. The trolls across the internet are a direct representation of what humans would be like if there were no consequences for their actions, and they didn’t really have to fear getting their asses kicked for acting like a complete fuckwit. It’s the truth, and you know it. If there were no police, no rules, and complete anonymity in real life… there would be a lot more atomic wedgies taking place across the globe. Definitely more murder and rape as well, if the forums are any indication. So arguing that humans, when given this sort of freedom, should do anything but act like… well, humans? That’s just as illogical as the troll mentality itself. This is the way humans are. You seem to think that we’re some enlightened race that allows anyone to state an opinion, engage in a reasonably intelligent debate, and never fear persecution for it. But if it doesn’t happen in real life, why the Hell would it happen online?

It’s like arguing with a woman when she tells you that she “feels” angry at you for something that doesn’t make any fucking sense. She’s a woman. They don’t ever make any fucking sense, they only feel. A lot. So just say “I’m sorry you feel that way” and go have a fucking beer.

From Klippoth:

I just thought I would let you guys know, not only do I have Fedora Core5 for PPC installed on my Playstation 3, but I actually ran through theboot loader and demonstrated how it works, whilst simultaneously videocapturing the results. I edited it a little bit to reduce redundantframes (frames of just watching a cursor flash) so the whole thing comesin just over 3 minutes. I have posted a low-rez version at Youtube ifyou would like to check it out, and if you believe it to be newsworthy,you can use the high-rez footage I took. Just let me know, I’ll be happyto contribute! (I could also give you my ever-so humble opinion on thewhole Linux-on-PS3 concept, after I have given it a bit more of athorough inspection.)

See the video here on Youtube.

And yes, I am selling it on Ebay, although that was not my original intention. But hearing about people making ten grand…well, let’s just say my love for my PS3 is NOT unconditional. Metal Gear Solid 4 doesn’t come out for another year anyway! (Although it seems that sales for PS3 are starting to slow down…oh well, I can think of worse things to be stuck with!!)

It’ll be interesting to see what kind of benchmark results you can get out of that sucker…. inbetween checking on your eBay auction stats.

Speaking of unique eBay PS3 auctions, Farticus sent in this entry. I guess when you don’t have a hot girl to put her boobs on your console so that your auction stands out, you have to improvise. **Update** Looks like the link is down. But did you really want to see a dude fucking a PS3?

I know you did. Sinner.

Well, I had this entire story posted about my first experience with a Wii, and Internet Explorer 7 completely cocked it up with its ridiculous settings. If I allow popups for a site… maybe you should save THE FUCKING FORM DATA THAT I SEND TO THAT POPUP, YOU PIECE OF SHIT BROWSER!

*sigh*

Anyway, Microsoft just convinced me that I shouldn’t abandon Firefox, because they are a bunch of talentless cocksuckers, so lesson learned. Now on to the post that I had written out in detail, which is now lost due to their complete ineptitude.

I touched a Wii tonight. I haven’t been able to get it out of my mind since. Even my girlfriend, a staunch opponent to all things gaming, was quite enthralled by the experience. We played ExciteTruck… and it was fun. The graphics aren’t anything to write home about… but it is fun. That’s really all that matters, right? Some people would argue, but who gives a shit about the elitists who can only enjoy a game that utilizes the latest technological innovations. Look at Bongweasels “Game Of The Week” and tell me that graphics are the be-all/end-all of qualitative factors when it comes to video games.

Matter of fact, I mocked such idiocies while destroying my gf at ExciteTruck. Some group of little junior-highers came strolling in, with the obligatory braggart idiot who droned on and on about how he was only there to shop for a PS3 game, and how the Wii graphics (and 360, for that matter) sucked in comparison. Oh help him kind merchant, he needs a PS3 game and now! Save him from graphical mediocrity before he crumbles into low-resolution pixels!!!

Except the little prick admitted later that a “friend” was going to “send” him a PS3 later in the week, which was believed as much within his group of friends as it was in my group of… me. When he insulted the Wii and told his friends how awesome his phantom PS3 would be, I had to speak up. I loudly asked Ms Sharkey if she found the kid behind her as annoying as I did.

The kid was mocked out of relevance, and we continued our game, which is really what this thing is all about. After an hour or two with the Wiimote, I think everyone is going to fall in love. No joke. It’s just fun all around, and it doesn’t discriminate amongst the hardcore or the technologically inept. It does exactly what Nintendo sought to bring to us at the last E3… and I am happy.

I can’t wait to own one tomorrow. I’m a man who mocks mere children out of the room, and I’m proud of it. Yatta.

Tales of PS3-related violence and hilarity. Help me keep this list updated, mail any good videos or stories to sharkey[at]badassmofodotcom.

• Student Robbed Of Two PS3s
• Police Use Batons To Sedate Angry Best Buy Crowd (with video!)
• PS3 Buyer Shot As 15-20 Are Robbed
• Violence Breaks Out At West Covina Circuit City (with video!)
• Video: Crazed Raffle Outside Santa Ana Circuit City (I used to live a few blocks from there)
• Smash & Grab Yeilds No PS3s
• Gamers Plan Ahead To Avoid Robbery
• EB Games Robbed of Five PS3s
• Police Use Pepper Spray On Unruly Crowd
• Suspected Rapist Found In Best Buy Line
• Riot At NY Best Buy
• Riot At California Best Buy
• Youtubed PS3 Riot
• Idiotic Musical Chairs Idea Leads To Injuries
• Shots Fired In Gainesville Line
• Stoner Robs PS3 Line – First-Hand Account

O.J. Simpson, bringing himself back into the limelight by fully embracing the situation which dropped him out of said limelight. He’s writing a book and doing a 2-hour TV interview regarding the deaths of his ex wife and Ron Goldman… both of which will revolve around how O.J. would have slaughtered them had he been given the proper chance.

No foolin’.

Fox will slaughter the competition the final week of the November ratings sweeps when it airs a two-hour interview in which O.J. Simpson details how he would have murdered his wife, Nicole, and Ronald Goldman more than 10 years ago.

Had he done it.

Which he didn’t.

Just ask him.

He is, in fact, looking high and low for her killer as we write.

“O.J. Simpson: If I Did It, Here’s How It Happened” will be broadcast over two nights, Monday, Nov. 27, and Wednesday, Nov. 29. Fox airs “House” on Tuesdays and nobody messes with House. Not even O.J.

Look forward to next spring’s followup novel (and subsequent interview) entitled “O.J. Simpson: And Assuming I Did Do It, Here’s How I Would Have Gotten Off Scot Free.” Which, of course, will simply be the entire transcript of the 1995 criminal trial, accompanied by a few photos of himself posing with his wayward Heisman trophy.

Simpsons Movie Trailer

Homer: Awww, twenty dollars! I wanted a peanut!
Homer’s Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.
Homer: ‘Splain how!
Homer’s Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.
Homer: Woo-hoo!

I miss the days of internet past. When I first started BAMF, a major function of the web was to keep me informed of new and upcoming movies, especially the prequels to the Star Wars flicks. I used to sit online waiting for new information, salivating for that next crucial bit of spoiler knowledge that would make me feel all warm and fuzzy regarding Episode 1.

…then, of course, Episode 1 came out.

Now I’m not deluding myself, I know that making fun of the Star Wars flicks has become fairly passe. Once Weird Al has made the move to parody the franchise, the ability to mock the films with impunity has all but dissolved. But I felt compelled to revisit the subject thanks to the marathon that Cinemax has decided broadcast across two separate channels all weekend. It amazes me that Lucas allowed such a thing to happen, as the original trilogy brings an amazingly sharp focus upon any of the millions of horrible atrocities that exist within the prequel trilogy. I feel the need to discuss a couple of particular gripes that revolve around plagiarism. Completely idiotic plagiarism, but plagiarism nonetheless. I’ll stick to these topics and not move past them, just to keep things on target.

Ripoff Source Material:

1. Wayne’s World: We all cringed when Jar Jar said “Exqueeze Me.” It hurt. It hurt real deep. Tragically, there was no Garth to retort with “Sheeyah… right” and bring emotional closure to the scene. Instead we bled profusely from the soul for the duration of the film. And all for… the kids? Except no kids circa 1999 were old enough to see the Mike Meyers classic so… it was fairly useless. Unless Lucas mean to appeal to the child inside of me, in which case, the child inside of me calls him a dirty faggot, because faggot was an acceptably innocent phrase at that point in my life.

   Future me calls him a faggot too.

2. Stephanie & Michelle Tanner: “How Rude” was used so many times, I’m surprised that the Olsen twins don’t just retire as wealthy whores and begin dressing in large and obnoxious clothing in order to disguise their cocaine and diet pill addictions.
3. Looney Tunes: Damn near anything that the robots say in this trilogy is a direct ripoff of some old Warner Bros animated short. “Roger Roger” is a prime example of a way that George Lucas wants to cause us physical harm. Not to mention the fact that robots do not say “Um…” repeatedly throughout the duration of a conversation. Unless they run on 386 processors, and are trying to run Monkey Island 2 along with the program that allows them to say ridiculously uncharacteristic things. That’s Windows bloat for you though.
4. Mexican Jamaicans: Nossa woman nossa cry. Es muy malo.

Thankfully, Rifftrax is taking on The Phantom Menace, which I still found to be considerably better than Revenge of the Sith. Even though Obi-Wan defeats Maul with a move that was considered the kiss of death at the end of ROTS, which makes it hard to decide which film is lying to me about basic lightsaber based combat, especially in regards to high-ground situations. But why bother arguing at this point. It’s all terrible, and there’s nothing we can do about it. Like my grandmother always said, “you mix 5 gallons of shit and five gallons of ice cream, you get 10 gallons of shit.”

She’s still mum regarding which parent she considers to be the “ice cream.”

Voltron is coming to Adult Swim.

The Spider-Man 3 trailer.

So wait… The Sandman killed Ben Parker now? How many fucking liberties is Raimi going to take with this shit? I was in the first Goddamned movie, I refuse to allow him to sully the rest of the series.

My girlfriend is mad at me for hating Spidey 2. But she’s a woman, what the fuck do they know?

It’s been awhile since I’ve said that, but we have good reason to make Mischa Barton today’s SOTD… she finally got naked.

Sorta.

Tragically, it looks a bit like a set of pasties to me. Boo on that. But you never know, she just might have a near-invisible set of nips that will only be revealed with the DVD release.

Or we’ll be sadly disappointed again. Either way, new pics and higher res shots in her gallery. Enjoy.