BAMF

From Cap’n Terror: Rabbi Yells “Cut!” Over Porn Flick

Yesterday, Tight Fit Productions of Van Nuys, Calif., the purveyors of “Assraelis,” which was shot entirely in Israel with all-local talent, and in Hebrew (with, uh, English subtitles), received a cease-and-desist order letter from a lawyer representing Rabbi Yehuda Rosenbaum of KOF-K Kosher Certification, a New Jersey company that puts its stamp of approval on Kosher goods. Tight Fit’s DVD-cover claim of Israeli authenticity is accompanied by a Hebrew letter normally reserved for rabbi-ordained meats, grains, and other foodstuffs.

KOF-K’s lawyer says that Tight Fit is using the symbol “illegally” in violation of State and Federal Law, and plans to sue “if the situation is not rectified as quickly as possible.” Oren Cohen, the owner of Tight Fit, finds the action “funny,” but will modify the cover art before the film’s release next week — to satisfy what he calls the “very nice” rabbis.

No word from Cohen, who himself does not observe the Kashrut, on whether, despite their Kosher claims, meat and milk products were mixed during the making of “Assraelis.”

OK, you know the drill. Best pun for the situation wins. I’ll start us off:

So was it denied Kosher status because of all the porking?

Now you do better.

Assraelis

These are videos that you must see. I demand it. I figure that since it’s Friday, nobody really wants to do anything productive anyway, so why not collect some diversionary videos to help terminate your employment in a swift an efficient manner.

• No More Kings – “Sweep The Leg”
  Mr. Belding, the entire Cobra Kai lineup, and eventually, Ralph Macchio.
• Idol.
  From Bongweasel. Nothing can prepare you for this. Just watch it. If you watch just one video that I’ve posted here, this should be it.
• College Saga
  From Wrongforum/Jeff. Pretty funny and well done Final Fantasy mockery.
• Woman Drives Through Gate
  Actually saw this on Attack of the Show as I was in the middle of posting it. If I had tits like Olivia Munn I’d give me a show too.

If you’ve got anything to add, you know where to send it.

Anybody remember the Turkish Star Wars knockoff we were all talking about a couple of years ago? Well now you can watch it in full, for free.

God bless America. Or Turkey. Ooh, turkey sounds good.

Wow. Paris Hilton has been caught up in controversy yet again. Not only that, but the scandal revolves around another set of sexually explicit tapes on the internet featuring her naked bits. Oh me, oh my, what a surprise this is.

Wake me up if she ever shows up on video getting sodomized by an elephant while her sister holds the camera, because that’s the only way I’ll be surprised by her whorishness anymore. But, since you guys like nudity:

From what I understand, the videos that have been released are just the tip of the iceberg, so… like I said… let me know about the elephant.

screencap from paris hiltons new sex tape

Tijuana Cops’ Guns Confiscated, Replaced W/Slingshots

The police department has issued about 60 slingshots to officers in the violent border city of Tijuana, where soldiers confiscated police weapons two weeks ago on allegations of collusion with drug traffickers.

Municipal police spokesman Fernando Bojorquez said Monday that the slingshots, along with bags of ballbearings, were given to officers patrolling areas of the city visited by tourists. Tijuana’s police force of 2,000 officers has been without guns since Jan. 5, but some patrol alongside armed state police.

Awesome. Tijuana is already well known for the safety and security of tourists. Now it’s going to be like Candyland, but instead of candy, there’s robbery, murder, and rape.


Speaking of which, does anyone want to take a trip down there? Sounds like much more fun than going down there just to buy cheap fireworks and chiclets.