BAMF

That’s really the only explanation for her latest blog post:

I apologize to the pap for a stunt that was done 4 months ago regarding an umbrella. I was preparing my character for a role in a movie where the husband never plays his part so they switch places accidentally. I take all my roles very seriously and got a little carried away. Unfortunately I didn’t get the part.

What makes it even better is knowing that Britney must have done the initial post on her own, as she left in a few hillbilly-identifying misspellings amidst her lies and vacant apologies.

So considering the fact that Ms Spears-Federline-Alexander is a method actor, much like her contemporaries Brando and Deniro, one must wonder if she’s currently studying for a role as a fat, washed-up coke whore. If so, this is going to be one fan-fucking-tastic flick.

There’s not much one can say about Megan Fox, other than “she’s a stone cold… uh… sex panther. yeah, that’s it.” Honestly, I’m usually too hard to say anything, what with the blood loss and all.

For those of you living in a cave without internet access, television, or fully functioning private parts, Megan here is the smokin’ hot babe in Transformers. Go ahead and check out Megan’s full gallery over at SOTD.

Really, no shit he is. I was downright stunned after I read his review of Fatburger Customer of the Month, Michael Moore’s latest propaganda film Sicko.

Unfortunately, Moore is also a con man of a very brazen sort, and never more so than in this film. His cherry-picked facts, manipulative interviews (with lingering close-ups of distraught people breaking down in tears) and blithe assertions (how does he know 18,000* people will die this year because they have no health insurance?) are so stacked that you can feel his whole argument sliding sideways as the picture unspools. The American health-care system is in urgent need of reform, no question. Some 47 million people are uninsured (although many are only temporarily so, being either in-between jobs or young enough not to feel a pressing need to buy health insurance). There are a number of proposals as to what might be done to correct this situation. Moore has no use for any of them, save one.

As a proud socialist, the director appears to feel that there are few problems in life that can’t be solved by government regulation (that would be the same government that’s already given us the U.S. Postal Service and the Department of Motor Vehicles). In the case of health care, though, Americans have never been keen on socialized medicine. In 1993, when one of Moore’s heroes, Hillary Clinton (he actually blurts out the word “sexy!” in describing her in the movie), tried to create a government-controlled health care system, her failed attempt to do so helped deliver the U.S. Senate and House of Representatives into Republican control for the next dozen years. Moore still looks upon Clinton’s plan as a grand idea, one that Americans, being not very bright, unwisely rejected. (He may be having second thoughts about Hillary herself, though: In the movie he heavily emphasizes the fact that, among politicians, she accepts the second-largest amount of political money from the health care industry.)

Awesome!

Chris Benoit and his family were found dead at their home in Fayetteville, Georgia. That’s pretty tragic. I actually saw that guy wrestle one time, at the one and only wrestling match that I’ve ever attended.

Investigators have not disclosed exactly how the three died. But Fayette County District Attorney Scott Ballard said investigators were not seeking any suspects outside the home where Benoit apparently took his own life after killing his wife and son.

“We’re viewing it at the moment as a murder-suicide,” Ballard told CNN.

“We aren’t foreclosing the possibility that it might be a triple murder but our belief at the present time is that there is no killer at large,” he added.

Benoit’s employer, World Wrestling Entertainment, said in a statement on its Web site that he canceled two events in Texas over the weekend, citing an undisclosed family emergency.

It took sifting through the first five articles on Google News before I could find one that didn’t use the word “bizarre” about fifteen times throughout its body.

My cousin will be devastated if this is all true. Though he admits is a “reformed” WWF/E fanatic, he can still be found watching the latest episodes every week when he thinks nobody is around.

Ohhhhhh God no.

I had always heard that the bigger changes in life have a habit of blindsiding you. Never before has this been illustrated for me than right this moment, watching late-night television. Lindsay Wagner came on the ol’ TV to hock some of those fancy foamy mattresses, and after a few seconds I started to realize that I had no fucking clue what show Lindsay Wagner was on from my childhood. I know her face, I know her name, but the only other fact I know for certain is that her only purpose on the tube over the last fifteen years has been to shove shit that I don’t give a shitting shit about down my throat. ….which I hope was enough double-negatives to keep my tonsils clean.

It must really chap her ass that she gets most of her airtime at the hour where I actually get too tired to search for skinemax porn, yet Paris Hilton gets a spot on Larry King to discuss her non-visit to non-jail.

BTW, If there was some non-lesbian sex going on behind those bars, you have full permission to wake me up. Please address any smarty-pants retorts about Lindsay Wagner’s legacy towards the nearest brick wall.

I couldn’t let a Peaches’ post remain at the top of this site for much longer. Especially one where she gripes about ordering a TV online. I mean cmon, I’d buy them tits online long before I let those greasy Amazon fucks touch my television. Especially not after I ordered Tiger Woods for the Wii from them, and they sent me the DS version. That wouldn’t be so bad, if they hadn’t broken down their “product shipping process” to me. I had asked why, if my order clearly said “Wii”, that the shipping department would be able to mistakenly throw in a DS cart, as they’ve clearly seen the difference while working there. The customer service rep replied “oh I wouldn’t think so, they just walk up to whatever drum has that name on it, yank out your item and then throw it in a box.” This procedure definitely turned me off from buying any of the higher ticket items.

This new Simpsons trailer can now enrich the top spot.

I don’t really have anything to say in closing here, so why don’t you just remember something funny I might’ve said like four years ago, and pretend that I said it right now. Make it really a really funny one though, if you would. I’ve been feeling a bit self conscious lately, and could use the kudos.

Anyone who watched the series finale of the Sopranos will enjoy this rather long analysis of the last episode that points with near certainty that Tony got wracked in the final moment.

I’m sorry to say, but Mr. Wizard passed away. Though he hasn’t taught me a lesson in nearly two decades, I still remember many of them fondly. For instance, that one where he tied the bowling ball to a swingset, held it up to the kid’s chin, and let go. That simple demonstration of gravity helped me dupe dozens… dozens of other kids on the playground as a child.

Young Acquaintance: “I dunno about this…”
Young Sharkey: “It’s ok, just hold Billy’s feet up to your face, let go, and when he swings back they’ll just barely miss your mouth. It’ll be so radical!”
Young Acquaintance: “OK, here goes!”
Young Sharkey: *swiftly pushes acquaintance forward*

Watch and remember.