BAMF

A Canadian father is suing the New Brunswick Amateur Hockey Association after his 16-year-old son failed to win the league’s most valuable player award.

Michael Croteau is seeking about $200,000 in psychological and punitive damages from the association. He also demands that the MVP trophy be taken from the winner and given to his son, Steven.

Be aware that I posted this story solely because it takes place in Canada, proving once again that the only things our friends to the North care about are Hockey and Beer. *wipes tear from eye* God bless.

There once was teen whore from Japan, in eight months she fuck 800 man. But the whore underage, now her pimp in a cage and her junk’s just as coarse as the sand.

Jeez, I’m fairly crass once exhaustion hits. [ Linky ]

A second-hand dealer has been arrested for pimping a 17-year-old girl to a whopping 800 clients in eight months, police said Friday.

The man, Takayuki Miura, and a teen-age boy who worked under him, were arrested on charges of breaking the Child Welfare Law.

From November last year until July this year, 44-year-old Miura set a minimum quota of six men a day for the 17-year-old runaway girl. He pocketed some 12 million yen during the period but only paid 500 yen per day to the girl to cover her lunch expenses, police said.

KlfJoat probably made up a good third of her business, since I heard he raised his age minimum. *BA-DUM-CHING!*

With that cheap shot delivered, it’s time for bed. Tip your waitress.

Seriously Britain, you just keep digging yourself in deeper and deeper, don’t you?

A squirrel is spreading terror in a Cheshire town where it keeps attacking people.

Children have been attacked, grown men chased and residents of Knutsford, central England, are fearful of letting their kids out to play, the Times newspaper said.

Local resident Blanche Kellye said the problem was not funny. “Everyone round here is living in fear…it’s a vicious little thing. I’ll never trust squirrels again.”

*shakes head in shame*

Next thing you know they’ll be afraid of France. Fucking pansies.

The sun’s rising, and so it is time for me to hang up my webmasterin’ guns and take a siesta. But thanks to my newfound dietary regiment of caffeine pills and Bic White-Out, I’ll only need 1.25 hours of sleep before I’m up and ready to work on my next piece of savory web deliciousness. Or, I’ll wake up ready to murder and stumble into a bowl of Fruity Pebbles while collapsing in front of the television for a few hours, but hey, that’s the life of an independent contractor for you. Constantly on the go. …Shoot me now.

Or, save a bullet for someone more deserving, like say, a guy who would believe that a street magician turned him invisible and started robbing banks… then got his ass kicked. It’s really just too good to be bullshit my friends. See for yourself:

Customers at a Tehran bank quickly overpowered the deluded robber after he started snatching banknotes from their hands.

Appearing in court, the repentant thief said he paid five million rials ($625) to a man who gave him some spells and told him to tie them to his arm to become invisible.

“I made a mistake. I understand now what a big trick was played on me,” the would-be bank robber was reported as telling the judge. His name was not given.

I’d like to tell a few select Dell spokesjackasses that they’re intangible like Kitty Pryde, and can easily wander through traffic without fear of suffering horribly dismembering consequences.

Something seems a little suspicious about this “street sorcerer” fellow though. I wonder who else he’s pulled this bullshit scheme on…

Nah. It wasn’t a street magician that conned Winona. It was good ol’ fashioned blow. Just like momma used to make.