BAMF

Today when the dryer turned off, I opened it and the shirt right on the top was perfectly folded the way I usually do it. Is this kind of like when you find Jesus in your waffle at IHOP? Do you tell anyone about it, or keep the magic to yourself? Well, too late for that. I’m a giver. I share.

As an American, where a good portion of the population think that guy with ‘Martin’ in his name is president, another portion think it’s that daft Al Gore, and the remaining portion can’t decide between Bush, Eminem, and the purple teletubby, it was quite strange to see a country actually agreeing not only on who is president, but seeming to actually like him.

After three months in office, leftist President Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva enjoys widespread popularity, according to a opinion poll released Wednesday.

The survey by the respected polling company Ibope found that 75 percent of respondents approve of Silva’s government, while 13 percent disapprove. [Story]

Especially given the Brazilian forecast:

• 1.5 percent economic growth last year (This doesn’t mean anything to me, but they talked like it was bad so I’ll include it)
• 61% think inflation will rise
• 56% feel unemployment will grow

Yet the presidents sits tight with an 80% confidence rating. Milling over this seeming incongruity, I put my finely honed investigative tools to work (I installed the Google toolbar, without the feedback of course–stealth-mode yo) to get some answers.

The economy basically sucks, 56% think more people are going to be out of jobs, how is there any room for approval in these circumstances? The answer was easier and better than I expected: BOOBIES

Exuberant breasts exposed by beauty queens at Rio de Janeiro’s Carnival or those stretching scanty bikini tops on Brazil’s beaches often have little to do with nature’s generosity.

Apart from endowing with silicone eight out of every 10 Brazilian (news – web sites) women who choose breast enlargement surgery, Silimed, as the Brazilian manufacturer is called, exports 65 percent of its output and is the world’s No. 3 supplier of breast implants.

This summer, Silimed will open a new plant capable of producing 500,000 silicone packs annually, more than three times the size of its current capacity of 150,000 pieces, as it prepares an assault on the U.S. market — the world’s biggest. [Story]

This is truly a great time to be alive, my friends, a day in which we may see the beauties of breast inflation available to the needy masses. Although there was one possibly disturbing revelation:

“They say now that a Brazilian woman goes to the dentist as often as she goes to the plastic surgeon,” she said. Silimed sells to Pitanguy and one of its models even bears his name.

I pray to the good lord that this just means they have naturally strong teeth and fluoridated water.

I vote fluoridation.

Remember that Microsoft employee who got arrested for stealing $9 million in software from MS and posting about all the cool shit he “magically” acquired (cars, etc) on his website? No? Let me refresh your memory:

Maybe now you’re catching on. Anyway, no need to keep current on the guy’s story anymore. He’s dead. Drank Antifreeze. …yeah, I uh… that certainly does suck. Boy, it’s not quite as fun to pick on a dead guy when he’s not Sonny Bono. I guess I’ll just have to dig deep and do the best that I can. (Thanks to Scott for the link)

Daniel Feussner died Feb. 7 from ingesting ethylene glycol, the main ingredient in antifreeze, according to the Medical Examiner’s Office. How it happened is unknown; there were no witnesses to his death.

Feussner was arrested at Microsoft’s Redmond campus in December on a federal complaint listing 15 counts of wire, mail and computer fraud. The morning of his arrest, neighbors watched FBI agents haul boxes of personal items and computer equipment from his home and seize his car collection.

None of that is really funny. It was kind of stupid before he drank the antifreeze, now it’s just plain sad. Although there is this little tidbit:

Federal prosecutors dropped the case against him after his death.

You know, that’s downright nice of you fellas. I take back all the bad things I ever said about the feds, you guys are OK in my book. I’d imagine all the other white collar criminals are thankful that they won’t have to do their morning jailtime exercises with a cadaver.

Really, it was.

Nick Snider, a retired United Postal Service executive, has founded the National Museum of Patriotism, which is being constructed in Atlanta, Ga. — and is funding the project partly with his own money.

Snider, 60, said the idea for the museum was conceived in 1996. At first he was simply looking for a place to show his 14,000-piece collection of “sweetheart jewelry” from World War II. However, he has since expanded his idea to create an entire museum of patriotic items. Many Americans would be pleased to have a museum dedicated to exhibiting pride in the United States.

“I would probably go out of my way to go to that [museum],” said ex-Marine Patrick Donnelly from Papillion, Neb. [story]

I think that the confident, patriotic statement from the ex-marine pretty much sums up my general feelings toward something of this obvious magnitude, except where he left out the “would not” part, and the “why the fuck would anyone want to see a 14,000 piece collection of anything that didn’t have pokemon on it?”.

But, not being one to blindly condemn others for what I see as a futile waste of resources, I decided to take a trip to, um, *checks article*, Atlanta, to view first-hand some of the priceless artifacts scheduled for display in the museum.

First up:THE MASK

Well, Mr. Snider obviously doesn’t believe in saving the best for last, he opened our tour by springing on me this authentic AMERICAN FLAG adorned mask. I really believe it needs no further introduction:

if you thought that was great, wait until you see the needlework:

I about pissed myself in excitement, a HAND CRAFTED plush AMERICAN FLAG dog bone.

Unfortunately, it took the remainder of my two week stay to view the remaining red white and blue pillows, curtains, and door mats that we have been drooling on and wiping our feet with all these years, but if I ever make it back, I was promised a private tour of the new bumper sticker wing!

“He sent a fairly large selection of his sweetheart jewelry collection, bracelets lockets, rings, earrings and broaches,” said River Heritage’s curator Nick Hatch. “We also have some in-service flags that flew in the windows if someone had a son serving in the military.”

“I think it’s a wonderful idea,” he said, “I think it’s something long past due.”

Long past due indeed.

Consumed by Zelda. Send help.

Oh, and don’t see Dreamcatcher. It’s worse than going rubber-less in a Tiajuana whorehouse.

I really love it when an article supplies its own humor, it certainly lessens the daunting task of photoshopping machine guns onto robots and coming up with clever alt tags (I never come up with clever alt tags).

For example, look at this. As for the unfunny part of the article, it seems like the college MoFos from across the pond better take note and start watching what they download at school. Yea, that’s right, just go ahead and open Kazaa and unqueue WOW!!!-watch-this-bukkake-donkey-horse-sister-and-then punches her in the face.mpg. Anyway I’ve seen it, it’s not that good.

But, enough about that, look at this:

One student at a California college tripped an “electronic alarm” at Warner Bros when he downloaded a Clint Eastwood film. The company threatened to prosecute the college and the student had to write a letter of apology to Warner Bros as punishment.

hahaha, OMFG i cant breathe, busted for downloading a Clint Eastwood movie. HAHAHAHA, holy shit, if that were me, I wouldn’t apologize for shit, I’d make them take me to court.

Judge: “So it says here that you illegally obtained a Clint Eastwood movie.”
Me: “Look your honor, have you seen the shit that old man is putting out lately? Trust me, if that horrid waste of film ever came within a mile of my queue, my Internet persona would die of shame. There is no possible way this wasn’t an accident.”
Judge: “I see your point, did you see that horrible piece of shit Blood Work, man it was awful…”
Me: “Uh, no.”
Judge: “Uh, me neither. You are free to go.”

Of course I would then proceed to kill myself for being mentioned in the same context as the movie ‘Blood Work’ and mister I-direct-and-produce-so-I-can-cast-myself-with-hot-hot-young-sexxors. Here is the breakdown:

You steal a Clint Eastwood movie – You send Warner Bros a letter of apology
You buy a Clint Eastwood movie – Warner Bros sends you a letter of apology

Either way, and rightfully so, all I see are a lot of apologies.

And, in the “completely un-fucking related to anything to a point it almost counteracts anything intelligent previously mentioned” department, I present this:

By targeting universities, the music industry is bearing down on the source of some of its greatest talent. Coldplay, Britains top-selling rock group, met at University College London, an undergraduate route to fame followed by many artists.

Hmm, I missed the part where the band met through Kazaa chat. I hate to be the one to point out that illegal file sharing won’t solve world hunger, but it seems like blocking downloads would only lead to people *gasp* leaving their dorms more often and possibly meeting other real people.

And one more thing:

The industry believes that universities, which offer students unlimited access to computers, are producing a generation of fans who believe that music is a commodity available free of charge.

We all know its wrong, we just don’t care.

No time. Boobies. Salma Hayek. Enjoy.

Gotta run. Comedy later.

Hmm, does this mean they are no longer tied with the 206 for the ugliest rally car in the WRC?

Well, at least Markko’s car will look good when the entire Citroen team (with the help of Magic Marcus) hand his ass to him in Australia.

Doesn’t matter either way, I’ll be rooting for Auriol and Gardemeister.

Fujitsu, a company which acquired its name from a now defunct ninja star manufacturing facility, has finally realized how boring it is to make computer parts, and has branched into the exciting world of making computer parts fit onto robots.

Fujitsu has launched a humanoid robot – based on a real-time version of the Linux operating system. The HOAP-2 is driven by an Intel Pentium III running at 700MHz. It is half a metre high and weights 7kg, and is scheduled to ship to Japanese consumers in July (Fujitsu will begin taking orders next month).

According to the article in the register, Fujitsu has no firm plans on how this real time robot will be used.

We’re not entirely sure what buyers will do with the thing, which lacks the aesthetic appeal of Sony’s robot, also unveiled this week, the DR-4X. HOAP-2 looks like a cruder version of Honda’s Asimo droid.

Now this statement has me concerned on two fronts, one in which I am wondering what exactly do Japanese consumers want to do with a robot that requires aesthetic appeal, and two, how is it possible to be unsure what consumers should do with a REAL WALKING TALKING ROBOT.

This would be a start:

I figure that group of skills alone is enough to get him accepted at most colleges (except maybe the kill part, but wtf good is a robot if it can’t execute the simple task of offing something? thats right, ITS NOT GOOD AT ALL).

See, as I have mentioned before, and certainly will do again, scientists have a bad habit of overestimating themselves and the remainder of humanity when defining the word ‘useful’. It would be sort of useful if they made a robot that could drink tea, rescue kittens from a tree, and recite the complete works of Shakespeare, but try to convince me of that when I can’t find my remote.

I rest my case.

hay everybody whats up?

Well, at this point you are probably wondering one of two things: what sort of nerve I have to just waltz back in here and start posting again like I didn’t walk out on you like your second alcoholic step-father, and, why haven’t I posted any slices.

Well, I don’t have any slices. But I do have this:

We even?