BAMF

[ Barry White Dead At 58 ]

And the world has that much less sex because of it. A sad Independence Day indeed.

Some chump in New Hampshire has been arrested for dragging his girlfriend around and punching her in the head after she beat him at an arm-wrestling match and called him a wimp. What I want to know is, where was this guy’s hidden strength during the match?

The Union-Leader newspaper reported on Wednesday that Raymond White and Lisa Smith had been drinking early on Tuesday when she remarked that he didn’t have any muscles and challenged him to an arm-wrestling match.

Smith mocked White after winning the contest, and he responded by grabbing her by the hair, dragging her down a set of stairs and punching her several times in the head, the paper said, citing court documents.

I’d like to know how this guy gets the balls to bash his girlfriend around after she kicked his ass at arm-wrasslin’. That’s like if Screech fucked your woman and she said it was the best she’d ever had. Not much you can do, just pack up your bruised ego and quietly move on.

Well no, I guess you could knock Screech’s teeth into the back of his throat, that’s a way to go. But if Screech kicks your ass, you’re in real fucking trouble. Just off yourself and be done with it, you sad, pathetic little man.

Well, after seeing Terminator 3 I figured I needed to wash my poor corneas with something. After a nice battery-fluid rinse, the pain subsided a bit, so I decided to put up today’s slice of the day. This one is another LP gallery, which he specifically requested. The awesome thing about this gallery? It’s so not-safe-for-work that I great difficulty sifting through the near 150 image gallery for a picture that would be viewable at the office. So here she is, Alessia Merz.

Holy crap, who is this chick? Does she have a fear of shirts or something? Note that I’m not complaining, I just want to know where I can pick up one of those to take home.

Today’s slice isnt exactly my kind of woman, although Im pretty sure if you stripped her naked and set her in front of me I wouldnt have any problems. This slice was specially requested to be SOTD today by none other than slice-benefactor LP. So have a little bit of punk pie with the Distillers’ Brody Armstrong.

Here’s a tip: if she looks like she could kick the crap out of you, she’s probably a tigress in the sack. And that’s never a bad thing. …unless she bites. No teef, bitch!

Tribes 2, all over again. Thanks Lucasarts.

Things I have done while Star Wars Galaxies has been installing on my PC:

• Made three phone calls
• Got a call from a telemarketer from the local newspaper, told him that I get my news direct from the source: L Ron Hubbard. Then I proceeded to ask him numerous questions about his mother and whether or not he’d like to enjoy a better life through Scientology. He hung up, although I did get out of him that he hated his father. Perhaps I should give his number to the Dianetics Center.
• Chatted on AIM
• Watched about two minutes of the G4 Network before losing interest
• Watched another 30-minutes of G4 Network, regardless of interest level
• Peed.
• Read the nutrition facts on the back of a bottle of seasoned salt, or Sal Sazonada as they call it in Mexico or somewhere. Did you know that they color it brown on purpose? I feel somewhat less affectionate towards it now.
• Wasted your time completely with this post

Done now, thank God. I was afraid the sequel was going to come out during the install. *slaps knee* HA! Me so not funny!

Apparently Ah-nuld has not yet ruled out the possibility of being my great state’s celebrity governer. Let the puns continue:

“If the party needs me, I would without any doubt be interested in doing that rather than doing another movie,” the staunch Republican told The Post. “I would give up my movie career for that.”

Arnie’s interest in a political career is being fueled by Californians’ possible recall of the unpopular incumbent Democrat Gov. Gray Davis.

“I’m for the recall because I think the situation in California is disastrous,” he said. “But I am not even thinking about [running] now, because the recall hasn’t happened yet. As it plays out, then I can make that decision.”

I might vote for Arnie, it depends on whether or not he can disassociate himself from his movies when it comes to politics. Because personally, I say fuck that. Disassociation is for people who lack discipline. He should be up there telling people that our defecit is “not a tumah” his entire term. That, and he should introduce the 73 as California’s official “maneuver”.

So I’m sure you’ve all heard about the James-Cameronless Terminator 3 that’s coming out, and you’ve no doubt wondered who that hot blonde little Terminatrix chick is. Wonder no more, because her name is Kristanna Loken, and she’s the slice of the day.

You know in the trailer where she does that straddling maneuver on Arnie and then her body morphs into the opposite position?

Yeah… I uh… fuck, what was I talking about? I’ve got naughty on the brain and its weight is mighty.

Well, my quiet little town isn’t so quiet today. Jeff just wrote in to tell me that a schizophrenic Albertson’s employee walked into his store this morning and killed 3 coworkers and injured numerous customers with a sword.

That’s some messed up shit. That’s just down the road. Just another example why parents should keep an eye on their mentally disturbed nerd offspring.

I hope so, because neither one seems like they’re ever going to finish again, after a guy killed his girlfriend and turned himself into an 32-year-old manchild after a car-fuck that drove them straight into a tractor. Now the poor dumbstruck bastard has to spend the next ten years of his life (according to his estimated mental age, that would be puberty) in prison.

Lesson learned, kiddies. If you’re going to screw in a car, do it sober. It’s hard enough compensating with your knees for the hand that’s smacking her ass and the other that’s pulling her hair while a naked chick obfuscates your view of the road. You’re going to need every synapse firing in such a situation, don’t count on luck to pull you through. Personally I like to think of luck as a bank, when you get a chick who likes to get down in a moving vehicle, I figure you’re already overdrawn. Now is not the time to bounce a check, as they might decide to close your account.