…as are we all.
Lots of people aren’t able to cope with France’s *heatwave*. Scroll down to the 3rd last paragraph to find out it’s 98 degrees.
It gets hotter than 98F in the bay area on a regular basis..
At first I pondered if they were discussing Celcius temperatures. Delicious thoughts of a few million French fries baking in 200 degree weather made me giggle with schoolgirlish glee, but of course, that was short lived. No no, my friends, the Frenchies are dropping off like flies because of a measly 98 degrees fahrenheit. Turn the fucking A/C in the car on in California and it’s refreshing to get 98 degrees fahrenheit. And the humidity over there isn’t so bad right now, so what the fuck is with all the waterworks? Obviously the French are made of a far lesser material than everyone else. I wish I’d known that while I was over there, I would’ve grabbed a heat lamp and a mister and taken over the country.
By the way, the mortality issues of this story are a lot funnier if you replace “dying of heat exhaustion” with “surrendering to the Sun”.
That fucker ET did it!
by Outshined_One on @ 2:41 pm
UFOS to blame for power failures.
How much do ufologists get paid? Do they receive federal funding? If so, can America PLEASE HAVE ITS FUCKING MONEY BACK?!
Seriously, get this bastard a tin foil hat and ship him out to a trailer in the middle of New Mexico where he won’t make any television appearances within the near future.
Or maybe let him start a suicide cult. That’d be a quick and easy way of getting rid of some of the lunatics in this country. It’s time to thin out their numbers, damnit! This guy would draw followers like moths to a flame…like lemmings to a cliff…like Evercrackheads to Internet Cafes and Krispy Kreme donuts.
OK, so I bragged up and down last year around October when I added the Danger Sidekick to my family of technological deliciousness. While a lot of owners had problems ranging from broken keys to the mobile handhelds attempting to eat little Billy, I was nearly problem free. With the exception of the occasional exorbitant bill, I was completely happy with the little bastard. Then it finally happened two months ago. My sidekick broke. Now this was fine, since the little wheel had sunken in and that was grounds for a free replacement from T-Mobile. But ever since I got this new unit, shit has been getting stranger and stranger. Take last week, for instance. I was sitting at home, waiting for some important calls. Ever vigilant, I was attempting to free the universe from the evil clutches of a Sith Lord (so that they could fall into my evil clutches the next day) in Star Wars: KOTOR, while the phone sat ringless and lonely. I made a few calls throughout the day inbetween working and lightsabering, so I know that I had a good strong signal. However, when I finally left to hit the gym, my phone went absolutely fucking nuts. If any of you have a Sidekick, you know that it goes “NEW MESSAGE!” at you when a voicemail comes in. Well imagine if the fucker said it about 8 times in a row. Every single day since, it seems that the stupid thing allows only a few calls to come through, while shoving the rest to voicemail and only delivering the message to me at around 5 o’clock. It’s like I have the world’s laziest secretary for a phone, and it doesn’t even wear tight skirts or give me head. So anyways, aside from it acting possessed by pulling up random webpages, losing bits of the screen, and telling me that my breath is rank, things are still somewhat palatable. Yes, the reception gets worse by the day and I can’t even make a single phone call without yelling “WHAT?!? WHO IS THIS?!?” repeatedly, but I’m kind of forgiving. And lazy. But then comes the real kick in the fucking pants. My bill comes from T-Mobile for the month of July. Mind you, my service plan is for a cool 39.95 per month. Anyone care to make a wager as to the service charges this month? $236.11 Thats right. Nearly $200 bucks more than my monthly payment. These fucks are trying to tell me that my OVERAGE for peak minutes comes to about 11 hours. I can’t speak on the goddamned thing for five minutes before tossing it away in disgust at the reception, let alone amassing 11 hours in thirty fucking days. So now I’ve got a shitty phone with kickass internet access, and a bill that rivals my car payment. Any thoughts on what I should do, aside from skewering the first T-Mobile representative I come across with a animal-feces-covered-pike? I could easily dump the phone, but fucking Hell, would I miss the email and web access. Get another phone? Get a better rate plan? Tear out my local dealer’s eyes and donkey punch his wife? *sigh* Decisions, decisions. Wasn’t there a story just like this a few weeks ago? When is a woman going to have one in a Port-O-Let, because that’s just about the only thing more vile than being birthed onto the floor of the fucking subway. 42-year-old Braintree woman gave birth to a baby boy while standing on an inbound Red Line train yesterday morning, refusing help from stunned passengers who heard her moan and seconds later looked down to find her baby on the floor. After leaving the train and heading for the stairs up to the station’s main lobby, witnesses said, the placenta fell to the platform. Judge turned around, grabbed the afterbirth, put it in her shoulder bag, and headed upstairs. ”She just literally picked it up with her hand and put it in some kind of bag she was carrying, and this was in mid-stride … It was the craziest thing I’ve ever seen,” said Robert Busby, of Weymouth. Get a few drums of Malthion X handy, we’re going to crop dust all of the Motel 6’s in the country, Tom Bodett be damned. Now all I would need is some sheets to match and I’d uh… I’d… never have sex again. ….but I’d be jerking off in the nerdiest bed this side of math camp! I hate stupid people. That goes without saying. Driving is the worst. It’s like TIMMAY said, I’m not a Chick Magnet, I’m a Retard Magnet. Some asshat AIM’s me asking about my SWG credits. I really wish I’d saved the conversation. Seriously. He asks if I’ll send him half the credits, then he pays me, then I send him the rest. I ask him if he goes to buy a dozen donuts (Homer: mmmmm … Donuts….) does the baker let him eat six, then pay, then he gets the other six? He says that other sellers have let him do that. I tell them to buy from them, then, I’m not as dumb as he apparently is for thinking I’d fall for some shitty stupidass scam. I get behind the wheel and I swear people make it their mission to bring out Road Rage in me. Cut in front of me doing 10 miles under the speed limit? I remember the days when I would drive a lot more aggressively and run people off of the freeway…. So I’m out with Jasek and some people that I sort of know. I’m moderately trying to impress one of the girls along with us. Jasek says, “Orion ran someone off the freeway once.” “No I didn’t.” “D00d, it was a blue pickup truck on highway 52.” “You were there? Fuck, I thought I was alone…. er… I never did that!” Oh well. So some n00b in SWG is completely boggled at how he could /tell one of my characters and I respond with the other. Wow, isn’t that confusing? Well, not really. How about you just go on your way and leave me alone before your stupidity pisses me off? I think I should get hot on my book. I’ve got this great big signing tour lined up but the book isn’t even done yet. Of course, I take time out of gaming to rant like this, but I don’t take time out to actually write. I think that that’s a problem. Oh yeah, I hate cats, too. It’s like that saying. Most men will say they like cats. However, when women aren’t looking, real men kick cats. This reminds me of what it was during UO times… same first line, second one becomes, however, when women aren’t looking, real men shoot arrows into cats. Gosh I miss that game sometimes. Not enough to pay for it again, mind you, but, you know…. [ CNN – Monkey shortage hampers research, scientists say ] … If any of you squeal, you’ll quickly become acquainted with a rabid marmoset who has a degree in barbed-wire colonoscopies. Well, I warned you sons of bitches. Three demands for slices today. Now you gotta take your medicine. A spoonfull of Nikki Ziering ought to learn ya. Take it like a man. I hope you’ve learned your lesson, dick. Now I’m going to enjoy myself at a party. Apparently you’ve got nothing better to do than sit at home with your dick in your hand staring at badassmofo.com. Pretty lame, Milhouse. I’ll start this off like this: Son of a bitch. Sometimes, parody comes damn close to reality: STOCKHOLM — Idiots in the office are just as hazardous to your health as cigarettes, caffeine or greasy food, an eye-opening new study reveals. In fact, those dopes can kill you! Stress is one of the top causes of heart attacks — and working with stupid people on a daily basis is one of the deadliest forms of stress, according to researchers at Sweden’s Lindbergh University Medical Center. The author of the study, Dr. Dagmar Andersson, says her team studied 500 heart attack patients, and were puzzled to find 62 percent had relatively few of the physical risk factors commonly blamed for heart attacks. “Then we questioned them about lifestyle habits, and almost all of these low-risk patients told us they worked with people so stupid they can barely find their way from the parking lot to their office. And their heart attack came less than 12 hours after having a major confrontation with one of these oafs. “One woman had to be rushed to the hospital after her assistant shredded important company tax documents instead of copying them. A man told us he collapsed right at his desk because the woman at the next cubicle kept asking him for correction fluid — for her computer monitor. “You can cut back on smoking or improve your diet,” Dr. Andersson says, “but most people have very poor coping skills when it comes to stupidity — they feel there’s nothing they can do about it, so they just internalize their frustration until they finally explode.” Stupid co-workers can also double or triple someone’s work load, she explains. “Many of our subjects feel sorry for the drooling idiots they work with, so they try to cover for them by fixing their mistakes. One poor woman spent a week rebuilding client records because a clerk put them all in the ‘recycle bin’ of her computer and then emptied it — she thought it meant the records would be recycled and used again.” Aw, come on, what about the dumbasses who try killing others and themselves through sheer stupidity? So what if the articles are old, I’ve been in New Zealand for the past month. The top stories there are about rabid sheep and Netball. Cut me some slack.My Bumbling Sidekick
by Sharkey on @ 10:28 am
Better Save That Placenta For Dinner
by Sharkey on August 13, 2003 @ 8:50 pm
Please Repackage My Youth And Sell It Back To Me!
by Sharkey on August 11, 2003 @ 11:58 pm
Hatred, among other things
by Orion on @ 10:22 pm
The Heat Is On
by Sharkey on August 10, 2003 @ 1:28 pm
Slice Of The Day: Nikki Ziering
by Sharkey on August 8, 2003 @ 7:58 pm
The Gods are against me
by moogleofdoom on August 7, 2003 @ 9:17 pm
I was going to get drunk tonight with a good friend of mine (female) who I may have a “thing” with. My mom and one of my two sisters are vacationing out of town and my other sister was going to be at work/with her boyfriend all night. My dad was going to be playing volleyball/at the bar with the volleyball crowd and not getting home until 12ish. My friend was planning on just crashing here and going home in the morning after my dad left for work. Alcohol source was the boyfriend and that was going to work just perfect, no problems there. I went up to school to try to get classes (that didn’t work, another boring rant in itself) and when I came home it was raining. I look at my dad and mention to him that playing volleyball in the rain is going to suck. He replies “Yeah, it would, but volleyball’s over. Our last week was last week.”
fuck
I call my friend and tell her that plans have fell through and we’ll have to do it another time. On the upside I did get to hang out with some friends and watch “The Boondock Saints” so that was a plus.Parody = Truth
by Outshined_One on @ 7:44 pm