Cameron Diaz‘s “people” wrote me a letter asking me to kindly remove “fake nude” photos of her. I didn’t think we had any nudies up there to begin with, but sure enough there’s her on the beach and her at that now-famous photo shoot from her early days.
So does anyone have any new pics of her? I think it’s time she was slice of the day again.
Nerd Boner: ACTIVATE
by Sharkey on August 17, 2003 @ 7:14 pm
[ $200 LCD Projector ] – Fuck me sideways, that is grand. I wonder what the quality is when compared to today’s standard LCD projectors.
As if we needed more proof…
by Tzeen on @ 5:50 pm
…That MULLETS CAN KILL YOU.
LANGLEY, Washington (AP) — An amusement park operator was killed Saturday when his hair got caught on a roller coaster car, pulling him up as high as 40 feet before he fell, back-first, onto a fence.
Doug McKay, 40, was spraying lubricant on the tracks of the Super Loop 2, a ride at the Island County Fair on Whidbey Island, when his long hair got caught on a car full of fairgoers, sheriff’s spokeswoman Jan Smith said.
Nowhere in the article does the word “mullet” appear. On the other hand, how many amusement park operators have you met who *don’t* live the “business in front, party in the rear” lifestyle when it comes to their greasy unwashed locks? It might also be reasonable to guess that he was trying to use the grease from his hair to lubricate the ride…but let’s not push it ok? We will assume that this man had a mullet before he was scalped by a carnival ride.
This is about the point where I have decided that this post should not become a post about mullets. Instead I’ve decided to honor Mr Doug McKay, 40, by writing his eulogy right here on badassmofo.com (where we care about the little people.)
Doug, or “flyboy” as he liked to be called was a simple man. He always dreamed of someday becoming a pilot. His dreams were never fulfilled because the air force told him that his eyes are just too close together…a trait he shared with one of the men believed to be his uncle and/or father. Doug was steady in his resolve, however, and he did the next best thing to piloting. He became an amusement park ride operator. Many times he was offered promotions to the position of ring-toss guy or even weight and birthday guesser, but he always turned them down. I suppose he was addicted to the simple thrills associated with operating and maintaining the carnival’s flagship attractions…the rides. Doug’s tireless work brought happiness to many youngsters, even the ones who were an inch or so too short to ride the Hurricane or the Gravitron. Given his tireless work, Doug was still never too busy to show a young lady that trick he did where he put his entire fist in his mouth while he lit a cigarette that he had crammed up his nose.
He always said that no man could ever hope to tame the Super Loop 2 and it looks like he was wrong…Doug did tame the Super Loop 2…he just had a little trouble with the fence on the way down. Keep reaching for the stars ol’ buddy but have old Saint Pete cut that hair of yours when you get to heaven!
In other news, the Island County Fair employees declined to cut their mullets as a show of support for Doug’s family because they’re currently unaware of the existance of any other hairstyles.
Star Tours
by Orion on @ 12:29 pm
Alright, I went to Disneyland yesterday. I got sunburned on the back of my calves, which pretty much sucks, but all in all it was a great time. However, something didn’t sit well with me. Star Tours. That’s right, Star Tours. When you go through the line to get onto the ride, it says shit like, “Come see the loveable Ewoks on the forest moon of Endor.” So you get on the ride, and then you’re supposed to be going to Endor. Then, later in the ride, you fly up against the Death Star. Big deal, right? Alright, the Death Star is completed, and it blows up, which implies that it’s at the end of Episode IV. That, or it’s a third Death Star long after Episode VI, but I find that a defeated Empire would be able to crank out a third one after the Rebels win. Alright, we’re making the assumption here that it’s the end of Episode IV. Star Wars Galaxies is supposed to be set after Episode IV and before Episode V. I’m getting to my point now, I swear I am. When you go to Endor in SWG, the Ewoks are KOS to everyone. My comment in the Star Tours line was that those little bastards are so loveable and cute until they attack you and kick your ass back into last week. LOVEABLE MY ASS! Alright, so why am I supposed to take a “tour” to one of the most dangerous planets around? Alright, you get the point. I’m done.
Movie Review: Grind
by Orion on @ 12:21 pm
Grind. I saw this Friday night with Purvue and we were 2 of 4 in the whole theater on opening night. We sat down and the trailer that has all the cell phone and baby noises and people talking comes on. The end of that one goes, “Please, don’t spoil the movie by adding your own soundtrack.” It’s like a ritual when my friends and I go to the movies. Everyone turns and stares at me when this one comes on. I say, “What? Why are you all looking at me?” However, Purvue pointed something out. “It’s not spoiling the movie if you’re making it better.” Ooooh, good point. I figured that this movie was gonna suck so badly, and that fact coupled with the lack of theater-goers in the auditorium, meant that the gloves could come off and I could just say whatever the fuck I wanted to (and as loud as I wanted to).
That being said, I had some good lines to augment the movie, but really the movie was funny as fuck without my commentary. Seriously. Yes, I’m saying what most of you will consider to be the worst movie of the summer was good, but it was. I was pretty boggled by it, too. Bobcat Goldthwait has a cameo in it, and it’s almost like that eery feeling of foreshadowing when he comes on the screen you know something fucked up and funny is gonna happen. I won’t ruin it, but his great line had us laughint like hyenas well into the next scene or two. It wasn’t a one-joke movie, either. Granted, it was pretty brain-dead and stupid, but it was funny enough that I feel it was worth my time to watch. Of course, the part I’ve been building up to… there is a PIE reference in the film. I think that Ralph Sall is also an amazing Music Supervisor. Maybe it’s just that he had an idea for a skateboarding video and simply reversed it by turning it into a movie, but he’s great nonetheless.
The good: Comedy, some hot slices, and a Pie reference.
The Bad: It’s pretty mindless. Plot is thinner than Calista Flockhart on a diet.
The Ugly: Bobcat Goldthwaits ass hanging out of a skimpy pair of shorts. It was funny, but it still wasn’t the kind of ass I’d prefer hanging out of short shorts.
PISSED OFF!
by Wrongforum on August 16, 2003 @ 7:43 pm
Holy shit I am soooo angry! I’ve got to rant!
Betty and Veronica. Always fighting over Archie. Can’t they see that Reggie is so much much better??? Archie has freckles and red hair and Reggie is so cool with his wit and charm and charisma. Betty and Veronica need to forget about Archie hook up their cabooses up with the Reggie train. Word up!
Will and Grace. Why won’t Will just get straight and tap that shit? I mean, I know the incredible irony of their chemistry being subverted by their sexual preferences is what makes the show tick, but something’s got to give! Word up!
Postmodern hipsters. Holy fucknuckles, would you people stop with the trucker hats and 70’s moustaches. I mean, I’m glad that postmodernism has finally trickled down to you bottom feeding future reality TV contestants. Really, I am. Word up!
Dogs. Gentle Jesus make it stop with the dogs. Cats are so much better, and it is so obvious why they are: because they’re not dogs. Word up!
Well enough ranting for now! I’ve got to go back to my pizza delivery job and do my homework for Remedial Math, and I have to make posters for my campaign for freshman class president! I’m soooo busy! Wish me luck!!! WORD UP!!!!
I missed it again?
by Wrongforum on @ 7:11 pm
And to think, I thought February was Black History Month. Little did I know that the-little-month-that could got to share that distinction with Anal Sex Month. Remember, kids, “Recreation, Not Procreation!”
Sir, There’s A Has-Been On Line 3
by Sharkey on August 15, 2003 @ 12:53 pm
How would you like to get a call from the guy who played Epstein on Welcome Back Kotter?!? …not so much, eh? Well that’s alright, he’s too busy doing Epstein things today to call you, apparently. But you can still get phone calls from all kinds of people that you’re all too young to remember over at Hollywoodiscalling.com.
Now For The First Time Ever You Can Have A Real Celebrity Call You Or A Friend For Just $19.95. They Can Also Deliver A Brief Customized Message Written By You For $29.95. Whether It’s For A Special Occasion Or Just For The Fun It, There’s No Better Way To Impress A Client, A Sweetheart Or A Friend Than To Have A Celebrity Call. So Place Your Order Today.
You know, I’ve never thought about it before, but having someone like Fred “Rerun” Berry call a client would be pretty fucking impressive. Imagine if I had Todd Bridges call up to shake them down for non-payment.
Client: “Hello?”
Todd: “Yo, this be *insert client’s name*”
Client: “Um…yes it is.”
Todd: “Well now it’s on. This is Todd Bridges. Remember Diff’rent Strokes, motherfucker?”
Client: “Sure… aren’t you in jail?”
Todd: “I’ll ask the questions bitch, we only got 15 seconds left. Now why ain’t yo’ ass been payin’ Sharkey his mothafuckin’ money? You know he done the work, why you tryin’ to play him like that? “
Client: “B-b-but I was gonna….”
Todd: “You wasn’t gonna do shit. But what you ARE gonna do is march your fat ass down to the bank and cut my homie a check before I come down there and have you sayin’ “Whatchoo talkin’ bout Todd” as my fists hit yo’ nuts, know what I’m sayin’ muthafucka?”
Client: “Yes sir. I’m sorry sir.”
Todd: “You damn right you sorry. Now, you know of any good criminal attorneys or some Hollywood…”
*background* “Your one phone call is up, Bridges, get back into the line!”
Todd: “Got’DAMMIT.
*CLICK*
Before you get all high-and-mighty about my bashing of two-bit celebrities, consider this fact: Both Gary Coleman and Todd Bridges have been mentioned on this site within a two week period, and I have made not one Dana Plato dead joke. For that kind of steadfast restraint, I should get a fucking medal. Or a burrito. No beans.
welcome to hell, motherfuckers.
by _Id_ on @ 10:21 am
i really have nothing of value to say here, except that i have figured out how to post in this particular section of the website, imo.
and now, some proverbs from your zen-master, id:
whoever doesn’t see Freddy vs. Jason tonight, and enjoy it, will probably turn into some sort of flaming idiot. side note: you are already gay if you like Freddy more than Jason, imo.
what the fuck is wrong with the news, man. this california recall is starting to piss me off, and i am nowhere close to the state. could somebody please assassinate the governer, or something. at least they are now shifting their coverage from TERMINATOR GOVERNOR I’LL BE BACK to this whole blackout thing that happened in the northeast. fuck the news. people suck.
well, at least foxnews still has the tired “WAR ON TERROR” logo plastered all over their news programs. that is a classic banner that should never go away, imo.
oh yeah, i am suppose to be at work, or something. mindless bitching will pause for a while until i return and have nothing better to do, imo.
It’s getting dark in here, so take off all your clothes
by Norstrin on August 14, 2003 @ 8:45 pm
I guess we finally get to find out how many New Yorkers it takes to screw in a lightbulb.*
But seriously, news anchors alleviating fears of terrorism every time something abnormal happens is getting a little over the top. It’s honestly getting to the point I expect Rob Dibble to chime in on Baseball Tonight to assure everyone that Curt Schilling ‘adjusting himself’ was just a natural thing that every ballplayer, even Dibs himself, does and is not a result of an al-Qaeda plot to put itching powder in his jock.
I can just see it now, we invade the Dominican Republic for sabotaging our national pastime.
*note to Leno: if you steal that one you little fuck, I’ll cut your heart out with a dull, rusty spoon like a Puerto Rican whore. Why a spoon? Because it’s dull you twit, it’ll hurt more. And rusty so that if you truly are a heartless bastard, the tetanus will get you.