So on our way to the Dave Chapelle show, the following conversation transpired between myself, and my racism-terminology impaired girlfriend:
Me: “I guess Dave’s got this Morris So-and-So opening for him tonight.”
GF: “Who is he?”
Me: “I dunno. I’ve heard of him, but I have no idea where. He’s probably just a nobody.
GF: “Oh, OK. Like those Porch Monkeys we saw in Vegas?”*lady walking in front of us chokes and turns, shocked*
GF: “…oh wait, it was the Porch Ghouls. …hey what’s so funny?”
Understandable mistake. We have four black people in Irvine, and one of them is Tracer Bullet.
Finally, People Catch Up To My Theories On Monkey Usage
by Sharkey on June 2, 2004 @ 5:38 pm
Stolen straight from gunner in the forums, and delivered straight to you:
No, I don’t care if it’s old.
Slice Of The Day: Hilary Duff
by Sharkey on June 1, 2004 @ 11:20 pm
You know what I’m going to do? I’m going to make Hilary Duff the slice of the day. And there is nothing… nothing… that you can do about it.
You like that powerless feeling, don’t you… wait! I can see you in there! Pull your pants back on, you fucking pervert! And if you’re going to do that, you should probably put some sort of protective covering over your keyboard, the keys are going to jam up.
Dave Chapelle was fucking awesome, btw. We saw him at the UCSD campus, so the seating was general admission. That means no assigned seats. Thanks to Ticketmaster’s ridiculously bad directions, we wound up getting there about 40 minutes late. And thanks to their overbooking of the event, about 100 people had given in and were already standing up. We had to steal a couple of seats from these college kids who were dumb enough to leave two wide open, and they were pretty pissed, but wimpy enough to shut up when we nabbed ’em. Thanks for being so soft, you La Jolla bastards.
Ooh, baby, you want me?
by Jester on @ 4:41 pm
So, having gone to the Suicide Girls show last night here in Lawrence, and having had a chance to think over what went on, here’s the down-low on the whole thing…
The show was rather amusing. It was more burlesque than nudie show. Very much done for laughs and naughtiness, rather than sexy or dirty. It was pretty much amateurish, and featured a few more strip club moves than actual dancing. There was a girl named Eve who did a dance with a hula-hoop that has set my expectations for limberness to new levels, tho’.
The whole idea of the girls redefining notions of beauty and it being an empowering thing is a complete load of hooey. Seriously, while the girls have tattoos and piercings and whatnot, if you were to remove said piercings and tattoos, the girls would ALL be considered attractive by the average American Joe.
Yes, the tattoos and piercings and oddly colored hair are what define said Suicide Girls. However, none of them are in an any way unattractive. They’re all pretty slim and/or fit, have perky breasts, and pretty faces.
The crowd at the show last night had a good selection of women, many of whom had come together, but the ratio was still nearly 3:1 in favor of the men. And I find it ironic that because the show is done “all in fun”, the crowd was more of a hipster shindig. These are guys who wouldn’t be caught dead in a strip club, as opposed the the smaller contingent of greasers, rockers, and punks. The greasers, rockers and punks not only would be caught dead in a strip club, there’s probably a few who are making it their life’s work.
It all boils down to this- if there are pretty girls stripping down to thongs and tape over their nipples and moving their bodies in ways that makes things jiggle nicely, there are going to men there, leering. Toss in some pseudo-lesbian elements, and the men will leer and cheer.
Seriously… it’s not like I went to support women empowering themselves or redefining what standards of beauty are or because it was kitschy. I went because it was cute girls with piercings and tattoos getting nearly naked and doing naughty things to good music.
Not a bad deal for ten bucks. The burlesque bits could have been played up a bit more, however, other than that- I have no complaints. I mean, it’s not very professionally done, but if you’re in the mood for something different, it’s worth a look-see.
Slice Of The Day: Monica Keena
by Sharkey on August 20, 2003 @ 5:34 pm
Since she survived all the way through Freddy Vs. Jason (yet somehow gets aced on Dawson’s fucking Creek), I decided to make Monica Keena your slice of the day. And now, for your enjoyment, ass!
*sigh*
And now that I’ve enjoyed life for a few more seconds, it’s time to resume my hatred.
* Receives 1000 more pieces of SPAM *
Ahhh….
Can’t Sleep, SPAM will eat me
by Sharkey on @ 7:53 am
*Receiving message 12 of 1688*
Before I started receiving, I set up a mail filter to get rid of anything that looked like the result of that new virus attack. So far, five messages out of 200 or so have actually popped into my inbox. Thus far, they’re all other ISPs autoresponding to let me know that my email: “Details” (or other variations) contained a virus, and that it has been deleted.
Re: That Movie, Thank you!, Details, GODDAMMIT.
by Sharkey on August 19, 2003 @ 6:20 pm
Does anybody know what the fuck is with all the spam? I’ve received about 600 pieces to just one account today. I know numerous people who are screaming because their mail servers are so overloaded that they can’t send or receive their lists of cute emails about kittens and happy things. Life is pain and I’m your harbinger of thorny-poking madness! God do I hate you all!
…sorry. I could really use a hug. Or some fucking chicken wings, that would be much better.
I’ll be bahk!
by Norstrin on August 18, 2003 @ 8:28 pm
So we’ve got a sequel to Copycat. About time, goddammit.
CAMPBELLS CREEK, W.Va., Aug. 18 Investigators have identified 100 suspects in three killings that have raised fears that a serial killer is stalking residents of this West Virginia mountain valley, the sheriff said Monday.
AT A NEWS conference in Charleston, where one of the three killings occurred, Kanawha County Sheriff Dave Tucker said that a task force assembled to investigate the slayings had arrived at the list by using known information to make a reasonable decision.
He said that the suspects were being interviewed by authorities but added that none has been taken into custody.
I bet he’s in contact with John Allen Muhammad just to make sure the technique is right.
So let’s cast the made-for-TV sequel!
Harry Connick, Jr
Out. Clearly. And not just The Closet tm.
Since we’ve got 100 (usual) suspects, that must mean Kevin Spacey is in as the mastermind-Lecter-Cullum-Soze-John Allen Muhammad.
Sigourney Weaver
She won’t sign on to reprise her role: she just has to emulate her bosom body, Jodie Foster (best known as “Tiny Titties” Nell).
Since one (Julianne) Moore replaced Foster, that makes the other (Demi) Moore the replacement for Sigourney. She has bigger boobs, and looks better in a thong anyway.
Holly Hunter
In. End of story.
The Sniper dun dun dun
This leaves us with our sniper. Clearly (there’s that word again!) it has to be someone stupid enough to get caught. It can’t be someone dark and tortured like Matthew Modine (e.g. In The Shadows). That means we’re stuck with a Baldwin.
We’ll have to amputate Paulie Shore from his cock, but Stephen Baldwin (with that added Suspects flavor) is just the man for the job. Assuming our project can be fit into his very busy straight to video schedule.
So there you have it. A made-for-TV sequel in just a few career re-treading steps.
Tempation Is Fun
by Sharkey on @ 5:53 pm
So, there’s a pretty convincing batch of Matrix Revolutions spoilers, for those of you who give a shit. I, for one, like being surprised at movies. However, I also don’t care enough about the Matrix flicks to withhold my inhibitions and wait patiently. I did that for Star Wars Episode 1 and look what it got me: a multi-million dollar kick in the balls (and the memories) by George Lucas. And the Matrix has Keanu Reeves in it. I’m wearing a cup to the theaters this winter.
Fair, balanced, and not in the least sensationalist!
by Norstrin on @ 2:03 pm
I guess I spoke too soon:
FOX: Thar might be terrorists in them thar hills!
Although government and energy-industry officials have continued to state that Thursday’s massive power blackout was not an act of terrorism, they are unable to rule out the possibility that a computer hacker plunged 50 million people into darkness, a source told Fox News Monday.
There were also reports that Al Qaeda had claimed responsibility for the outage, although U.S. officials said Monday that those claims should be taken with “a giant grain of salt.”
So in less than a week we’ve gone from ‘teh terrrrrists haff not vun’ to ‘maybe they did.’
Next thing you know, Peter Gammons will be talking about trade rumors of al-Qaeda swapping Osama and a bag of peanuts for Ari Fleischer and the pole up his ass.