BAMF

[ Micky Yanai – Inventor of the “Helicopter Fuck” ] – watch the video, I’m sure a lot of seasoned Kazaa veterans have come across it before. And just in case you were wondering, this is 100% not safe for work.

While we were in Hawaii, we saw some amazing sites. Met some great people. Stayed in an incredible house. But I have to say that the trips to some of the places we visited made them all the better. Dirt roads, rocky terrain, dangerous climbs, all of them made the destination seem all the sweeter. From the green sand beach that we had to hike a million years and maneuver down fun cliffs to see, to the all night hike-fest over the lava rock just to get within eyesight of the volcano, it all seemed like something to respect and admire.

That lame sentiment out of the way, I was quite surprised that after a few hour drive to get to this black sand beach, which also had a lovely 45 minute drive just to get across 6 miles of rocky roads, we found this piece of beauty laid in massive white rocks across the dune opposing the beach.

I didn’t know whether to be proud, or afraid. We are everywhere, and we are nowhere. Watch your ass, world.

[ Uh… Good Thing He Was Blind ] – Teacher (female) is going to jail for “raping” an 11-year-old blind boy.

Considering the super-hot piece of ass the last kid got, this poor guy kinda crapped out, with the exception of being blind. Which I guess is kind of a sick blessing, the blindness. Or maybe I’m the sick one, calling it a blessing. Hmmm… guess I’ll have to meditate on that one.

Shit, I’ve only got nine minutes before the store stops selling meditation juice. Which I need. …for the meditation.

[ Rushdie Says ‘We Need Teh Pron’ ] – The man is also banging a chick 26 years his junior, so he knows what he’s talkin’ about.

[ Monday Morning Lactation Report ] – oddly enough, I’ve seen two mothers nursing in front of me in as many weeks. Never really bothered me, as it benefits the child and occasionally myself, but I can see how a lot of people might be grossed out. Read on:

SILVER SPRING, Md. — About 30 mothers gathered at a Starbucks Coffee shop to nurse their babies to lobby the coffee store chain to adopt a national policy permitting public breast-feeding.

I’d pop more in there, but I can’t copy/paste the text on the sidekick, so that’s all you get. Do the work yourselves, you illiterate bastards. The gist is that women don’t want to cover their babies’ heads when they nurse in public, nor do they want to feed them in the bathroom. I’ve never said no to seeing a breast, but I can definitely attest to the fact that there are some that we shouldn’t lay our mortal eyes on.

I can say this though: I’ve yet to meet a woman who wants to see moms have the right to nurse in public. Take that, women’s rights movement!

[ Rick James Dies In His Sleep ] – That sucks. I wonder if it’ll have any effect on the proposed movie. And no, I don’t want to hear any Chappelle’s Show quotes. Even Chappelle is tired of that shit. He’s probably not tired of the $50 million contract it netted him, though.

I apologize for the title of this post, but I heard that song the other day, and now you must suffer as well.

Hey, speaking of suffering, did you hear that the man-woman Chyna has now joined the ranks of the rich and famous with explicit sex tapes of themselves floating around. …yeah. Exciting.

True, this is the Enquirer (not to be confused with the Inquirer) but I usually tend to trust when third rate hollywood skanks supposedly have fucky sucky footage of themselves. Oops, I just happened to join a fledgeling trend and “accidentally” boosted my career by being a whore, which is oddly enough, my profession. Too bad it had to be a woman who could flex during sex and squish your junk with her labia like she was mashing a banana.