BAMF

Just so you know, the Scarlett Johansson gallery is now filled up nicely, thanks to Matt, Esa, and Will. Thanks guys.

OK, this story is both sad, and funny at the same time. Sad because children got pretty badly hurt, funny because the mother is the biggest fucking idiot I have heard of in… well a week at least. This is the internet after all, that’s a fairly distinguished title.

A mother, her one-year-old son and four-year-old daughter were critically injured after a mobile home in Barry County exploded.

Officials say the trailer park manager had a stove installed in the home, but it wasn’t hooked up properly and was leaking gas. The manager told 24 Hour News 8 that he wanted the woman to stay out until it was fixed. The manager went to go shut the propane tank off, and that’s when the woman lit a cigarette and the trailer exploded.

There must be some imbreeding involved here, because nobody is that fucking dense. Like I said, its a sad story, but what the Hell was the mother thinking? Probably trying to figure out who the father of her most recent offspring was.

My bet is a cousin.

Sweet Christmas morning! It’s official, I will not be buying the Star Wars Trilogy on DVD later this month, because Lucas has finally taken a big enough shit on it to repulse even me. Now, I personally believed that the whole “Hayden-Christensen-in-Jedi” thing was just a rumor, thanks to a clever Photoshop job done over the summer. But no, sadly, this is now confirmed by a lot of folks who actually have advanced (not shitty ebay’ed rips) copies of the boxed set.

George Lucas has inserted Hayden Christensen into the revised DVD edition of Star Wars: Episode VI: Return of the Jedi — a film originally released only two years after the Canadian actor was born in Vancouver. The original Star Wars trilogy is set for release Sept. 21 in the DVD debut of these eagerly awaited titles.

A sneak peek yesterday at the controversial scenes confirmed rumours that have circulated on Internet chat sites for several weeks this summer.

Christensen — who was an unknown actor from the Toronto suburb of Richmond Hill when Lucas cast him as youthful Anakin Skywalker in Episode II — now appears as the blue-tinged ghost of Anakin in three brief scenes totalling just 10 seconds during the celebrations at the end of the movie.

Mmmm-boy, that’s some good defecating there, Lucas. I can’t wait for the Special-Special-Super-Edition that he’ll release in 2014, where Greedo and Han will have an old-school duel with pistols at ten paces, Lando is revealed to be Mace Windu’s son, and both the Emporer and Boba Fett will have their arms lopped off prior to their respective deaths.

Oh, and he’ll finally put in his original idea of sexual tension between Chewie and Leia. Or Chewie and C3PO, depending on how much crack he snorts off a 9-year-old boy’s ass that week. I’m wagering on “lots”, but that’s only because he has to take a break to bathe his genitals in our money.

[ Diamond Divas Motorcycle Club ] – Wow. I love the brilliance of having the President (the biggest one) grow to double her size when you mouse over her picture. Also, I think that any parent who names their child “Quality” is begging for that child to be of great quantity. This site has living proof.

I was watching Lost In Translation this weekend and remembered just how much I want to “do the romance” (as Borat would say) in Scarlett Johansson. Then I realized that the gallery for lil’ miss Scarlett needs some fresh deliciousness, so I leave it to you, my faithful friends, to help me deliver. Send any hot pics of this minx to sharkey(at)badassmofo.com, and I’ll get them online before the end of the day.

Yeah, I know we’ve been woefully lacking for slices recently, but I’m working to fix that. Hopefully Solo and I get this new project under way soon, so we can get back to business as usual.

Holy shit, remember what I said about the possibility of the new GTA being too ladened with new shit? Make that a double.

· The crop dusterSince San Andreas is so large, planes play a much larger role in the game – once you tire of travelling between cities by road, flying becomes the preferable and much speedier option. There’s a whole range of new airborne vehicles for CJ to fly, including a new dodo and a crop duster biplane (in which you can do barrel rolls, hammerheads and loops).

· Working bulldozerThe dozer has massive amounts of torque to drive it forward and can plough through almost anything. The plough itself can be raised up and down (with the right analogue stick) to flip cars, terrorise pedestrians and cause general chaos and destruction.

· Alternative weapons in San AndreasWhile we’re promised a new range of handheld weapons in San Andreas, perhaps of more use is the fact that you’ll now be able to lock on to opponents while wielding a weapon, enabling players to circle enemies. You can also block by hitting Square while each weapons features a variety of different attacks.

In addition to all of that, you’ve got the new Desert Eagle (which apparently CJ needs to learn how to hold effectively), the ability to put out fires with a fire extinguisher, shovels, 18-wheelers, moon phases and a host of other new bullshit. That’s shaping up to be one of the most complex games ever fucking made, and it’s coming out in just over a month. What sucks is that they’ve built it up so much and thrown so much extra shit into the mix, that if they fuck it up, it’ll be a royal fuck up. True, they’ll still sell a few million copies of it, but who knows how much people would trust them after screwing up such a simple no-brainer sequel.

I sincerely hope that these guys pull it off, because topping GTA: VC would make for one of the greatest games of all time. As long as the eating/exercising system doesn’t get in the way, and I can still take the brass knuckles to a virtual hooker, they’ll do so.

Before I get to the rest of the holiday weekend wrapup, I just have to state that for six or seven days, I had the goddamned theme to “Sealab 2021” stuck in my head. Now that I have found the damned thing in mp3 format, I can go sane once again.

Slightly more sane, I guess.