BAMF

Just because she’s hot, fucked up in the head, and has a new movie out that I probably won’t see, Angelina Jolie is the slice of the day. And watch out if you’re at work, because that gallery could get you in a little bit of trouble.

So I guess Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow is currently tops at the box office, but it still did somewhat poorly over the opening weekend. I can’t say that I’m surprised. I don’t want to see it, I already own Crimson Skies for the Xbox, so what more do I need?

I guess an R-rating and a lesbian scene between Angelina and Gwyneth, but that would be too obvious. ….and hot.

You know, it really shouldn’t take four of those Goddamned things to get me to sleep. I feel like I should be in Resident Evil: Apocalypse. I’m sluggish, infected with a virus that makes me secrete drippy crap out of my nose and mouth, and I thirst for the flesh of the living. I don’t have Milla Jovovich (wierd stack-of-pennies nipples and all) wandering around naked, but then again, I also don’t have the cute-and-cuddly bastardized version of Nemesis coming after me either, so it’s a give and take.

Speaking of secreting fluids, btw… God, that’s a terrible way to start a paragraph. Or any conversation, for that matter. Anyway, I’m at the bank yesterday getting ready to cash a few checks, and the new girl behind the counter is totally hot. She looks up at me, realizes that I’m waiting, says “Oh! Hold on just a second!” and starts to rapidly finish putting paper in her printer. Unfortunately for me, the haggish old manager lady got to me first. During the transaction, the cutie kept looking over at me and flashing a nice smile. We flirted back and forth a bit, she apologized for making me wait (which I didn’t mind, I was staring at her body) and I teased her about her capacity for customer service. More smiles, more eye contact, I’m already feeling better. It had been a bitch of a day, so a little casual flirting is always a good pick-me-up.

So the transaction is done, the manager hag says goodbye, and the new girl looks up, smiles wide and says “Bye! Good to see you!” and I return the sentiment. I’m walking along feeling alright, and I suddenly remember that I was going to the store to pick up some sinus medication for these fucking allergies. That’s when I stop myself, think hard for a moment, and reach up to my right nostril.

Yep. Nice trail oozing out. Can’t be certain if that’s what caused all the smiling and niceness, but I wouldn’t doubt it as a possibility. What’s sad is that I never share any stories with you guys about successful romps with women, just the more humbling times. Probably because you guys thrive on the pain and misery of others. I guess that’s why we get along so well, my internet lovers. We share a passion.

Heard a rumor the other day that Nintendo’s announced control scheme for Metroid Prime on the DS system (you know, with the idiotic point-and-shoot system with the pen?) was being re-tooled so that it would be an option, rather than a requirement. Thank God, it seems that it’s not just a rumor. In fact, the newer, non retarded version will come bundled (just as a demo) with the handheld when it is released on November 21st (thanks Nytrax) for $149.99. I’d wager that it’s because of all the bad press that the game has received, Nintendo just wants a chance to say “See, we can listen!” Sure you can. Now get rid of that second screen bullshit and faithfully restore Goldeneye and Perfect Dark, pricks.

As for further details on the software launch lineup, Fils-Aime revealed this morning that Nintendo will show off the launch lineup to “key media and analysts” at the Gamers’ Summit in Seattle in the first week of October. Nintendo was tight-lipped on the subject this morning, stating only that a total of 120 games, from both Nintendo and third parties, are currently in development. Also, as stated in the press release last night, PictoChat, the DS’ own drawing-and-text-based chat utility, will be embedded in the DS hardware so all DS users will be able to chat wirelessly with each other–right out of the box.

Nintendo will reveal software pricing at a later date, but did state for now that the business model for DS software is “more attractive” to third parties than the GBA, which suggests a lower price point. Also suggesting a lower price point for DS media is the fact that a demo cartridge is packed in with the hardware. DS media was again confirmed to be 1GB in size.

Wow, 1 Gig, thats not so bad. I figured it’d be way less than the PSP’s 1.8 (when dual-layer is used, I would imagine) but with a Gig of space, you could come up with some pretty slick shit. Or some really terrible shit, I guess we’ll have to wait and see what Nintendo feels like squeezing out of its anus.

Oh, and the new PSTwo from Sony is kind of stupid. While I didn’t buy one, the PSOne was at least a novel concept. And it had the innovation of the LCD screen. This is just a little, hard-drive crippled PS2. Have all the game companies gone retarded, or is it my tastes?

Alright, alright. Britney Spears has gone and gotten herself hitched yet again. God only knows how long this one will last, but I would imagine that Vegas has at least a few places to put a wager on it. And to honor Unidor’s choice to allow this tragedy, I submit to you a new Britney Spears gallery, with some recent photos.

Now, on the brighter side, it seems that Cameron Diaz (yeah, no pics because she’s lawsuit happy) has decided to split up with her longtime boyfriend (and Britney’s ex) Justin Timberlake. So you know, you win some, you lose some.

Any day with Unidor is a good day.

Just to stave off the submissions of Macaulay Culkin getting arrested for marijuana charges, I’ve decided that I will wrap up the whole thing with just an image. That way we can move on and have a nice, productive Monday.

Thanks to chabaz for being first to submit it to me.

[ EatingVideos.com ] – the new fetish, which probably isn’t new at all. But it is gross. No nudity, so it’s safe for work. But not particularly safe for your poor eyes.

I cannot stop watching this fucking video. It is mesmerizing.

**EDIT** I fixed the link to go to a non popup/virus-scanner-alerting page, thanks to SID. Also, if you’re looking for the mp3 version, you can thank Lectos for finding it. The band who does the song (which is a fucking tribute to Silence of the Lambs, for the classic-film-impaired) is called Greenskeepers, and I’ve yet to bother checking out their music. Maybe Jester will, since he’s been doing such a kick ass job in Music (not to mention all the awesome reviews) and not getting enough appreciation for it. Go look in there, now. His diatribes about Macy Gray and pimping out of MC Chris make it worth your time.

[ Square Announces “Final Fantasy VII: Dirge of Cerberus” ] – Apparently it’s a PS2 spinoff of Final Fantasy VII. It will take place one year after FFVII: Advent Children, and hopefully it won’t suck. But I’m a cynical motherfucker, and I’m filled with spite at the moment, so I’m not even giving Square an inch today. I haven’t purchased the last two major Square releases, which never happens. I’ve spent my hard-earned bread on every (major) US-released FF title since the first one, not to mention the miscellaneous tactics and import titles. They better not fuck up XII, or this sequel to VII, or I’ll rip each employee’s intestines out with my bare hands, and do a little jig as they vomit up the last remaining organs and crumple into lifeless heaps on the pavement.

Needless to say, I need a drink.

[Johnny Ramone dies at age 55]
Not another Ramone! So sad. Not to mention the fact that he endured FIVE YEARS of prostate cancer before he bought the farm. FIVE YEARS OUCH! You know that CJ, Marky and Tommy are looking over their shoulders these days. Poor sods.

I am sort of happy that Joey and Dee Dee will be joined upstairs by Johnny though. They will totally bring Rock ‘n’ Roll Radio to the man upstairs.

Peace on your Endless Vacation Johnny!