BAMF

[ Skunks invade neighborhood, residents cry like little bitches ] – The whole third gradish “IT’S NOT FUNNY, STOP LAUGHING!” sort of attitude is what makes this thing worthwhile.

Yeah, another one. This time from Baaron, who sent me a link about a British kid who raped and murdered his grandmother. Is it bad that we’re starting to get desensetized to shit like this?

A teenager today admitted raping and killing his 92-year-old great grandmother.

Jamie Limbrick, 18, had previously denied the murder and rape of Marjorie Davis between September 1 and 4, 2003.

Today at Bristol Crown Court he changed the rape plea to guilty and pleaded guilty to manslaughter on the grounds of diminished responsibility. The pleas were accepted by the Crown.

What the Hell is this “diminished responsibility” bullshit? Did she have some sort of rape-induced heart attack? Did he accidentally burn the place down with a post-coital cigarette? Did… oh man. The horrific ways he could possibly cause an “accidental” death resulting from raping his grandmother has officially disgusted me.

Desensetized nothin’, I’m going to go vomit. Fuck the crown.

Look. I don’t mind doing favors for some of my friends. I don’t mind doing favors for certain clients. And I don’t mind doing favors for hot women, but those are usually of a non-technical nature. But I fucking hate it when someone else’s client gets passed off onto me because that certain “someone else” has moved off the face of the planet, and I’m stuck cleaning up their idiotic messes.

Take today, for example, when I got called at lunch because one of these clients was having a shit fit. Now, the guys around here usually don’t know what’s my fault, and what isn’t. They just know that if it involves the words “programming” or “database”, it probably gets forwarded to me. Now this particular client was having what seemed like a very simple mySql problem. My first instinct was that either the database was down, or someone had fucked with the root password. I ask the head genius over there if he’s touched anything, and I mean anything in the last few days. He says no, so I spend about ten minutes bartering for access to the server, going in and resetting the root password. This solves the problem instantly. So I ask the guy “Hey, who reset the root password for mySql?” and he just stammers for a minute, and blames it on the bitch that sits next to him. Mind you, this is a woman so dumb that inbred dogs look down on her, so I know he’s lying to me. I instruct him on the finer points of password changing, and that the next time he wastes my time I’ll be sending a fucking bill.

Now I’m dealing with some shitkicker high school, that doesn’t want to allow me FTP access to their server, but they desperately need an information request form programmed in ASP. Unfortunately the IT guy is a complete idiot, and can’t tell me any specific server settings, can’t give me access to the server, and needs me to fucking EMAIL him the updated files to test on the server. Unfortunately, with ASP and no FTP access, it’s kind of like operating on someone’s liver while blindfolded. There’s a million fucking things that could go wrong, and it takes a half hour before anything fucking happens. Needless to say, after trying mail scripts that are hand tailored to Win NT 4, Windows 2K, and Windows 2003, I am telling this fucker that I’m charging him $150 per email until this thing is finished. So its either a hefty bill, or he gives me access to his precious, precious server.

God dammit, I’m a cranky son of a bitch today.

This doesn’t make very much sense. Unless the fuckwit had an unimaginable case of the munchies, I can’t see how a pot smoker could ever lop off two women’s heads. Viciously ravaging a bag of Chee-Tos? Yes. Angrily biting the head off a marshmallow Peep? Sure. Taking an axe to a couple of women and running off into the forest? …I figured he’d be more inclined to take a nap or something.

Hey, just in time for the crappy Star Wars DVDs, you can go ahead and solidify yourself as a complete and utter dork.

Then you can go ahead and castrate yourself with a blowtorch, because you won’t be needing those genitals any time soon.

Staying at the office until 12:30 in the morning sucks, but it can be worth it if you’re going to take off the next morning. What really sucks is when you don’t get to take off the next morning because the fucking client forgot to mention a very critical, albeit only five minute, change to the system.

However, all of the aforementioned suck pales in comparison to my situation. And that is coming into the office to make that minor change, only to lose all internet connectivity and suddenly becoming unable to finish said five minute job in a fucking hour. And since the deadline is today, and this thing must be tested, I must sit my ass here and wait. That, or I could try to ssh into the server and make the changes with my sidekick, which would take an eternity. Or, I guess I could go next door and drink myself retarded, which doesn’t look like a bad option at this point.

Well, I guess if I’m gonna give you half of a delicious twosome, I had better come through with the remaining 50%. So today’s slice is again from Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, except this time it’s Gwyneth Paltrow, which is a bitch of a name to spell when you’re drunk. On with the boobies.

Apparently Gwyneth was paid “indie” wages for Sky Captain. I hope she was given some sort of alternative compensation, because that’s ridiculous for a flick with a $70 million budget. You put her tits in a movie and its going to net at least another few million, so there’s gotta be some bullshit involved with that story.

And since I’m too buzzed to bother with anything else, you can kiss my ass goodnight.

It was such a pleasant Thursday, right up until Evil Homer sent me a link about some kids sexually assaulting a 76-year-old disabled woman. Now it’s just a disturbing Thursday. A gross Thursday. *shudders*

The woman, who lived alone, told police she was taking a sponge bath in the kitchen Friday when the 11-year-old walked in, demanded money and then ordered her to take off her clothes and go into the bedroom, according to court papers.

The boy’s brother, a 13-year-old who was among the three other boys also charged, said he heard the woman say: “I’m just an old, half-crippled lady, I’m not going.”

The woman said the 11-year-old put on a condom and tried to rape her, followed by a second boy.

God damn, that is some messed up shit. I mean, when you’re an 80-year-old woman, you’re probably thinking that things like rape are off the menu in your life. Your worries now consist of living, meds, and when Columbo is on. You certainly don’t imagine that a fucking 11-year-old is going to break in and push you around, let alone try to rape you. That’s not something the elderly should have to worry about, even in a horrific society. Their primary woes should be falling down and missing shuffleboard.

And these kids. Sweet Jesus in a birchbark canoe, these kids. I can understand desperation (try jerking off, kiddo), and I can understand the drive towards mischief. But for cryin’ out loud, you’re only 11! If you think you’ve got blue balls now junior, just wait until you’re a little older, or worse, married. God only knows what the little bastard would be capable of by then.

I sincerely hope that this is just some senility-induced delusion on the part of the old woman. I normally hope that all rape is false, because its revolting, but in this case we’ve gone far beyond the point of revulsion. I mean when I was 11, and we went to Tower Records and saw the “Over 50” skin mags, I was disgusted. And this old woman was nearly 80, I don’t think they make magazines like that, nor would I want to know if they did.

I’m sorry to ramble, but this story has more digusting factors than I’ve seen in months. You’ve got rape, underaged kids, and an extremely old wrinkly woman… all you need now is a Japanese spin on it and I might actually vomit. Which, oddly enough, is a Japanese spin in and of itself.