BAMF

Oh boy, do I love good news on a Friday. And since I haven’t received word of a Katie Holmes/Keira Knightley half-naked pillowfight happening in my room later tonight, I will simply enjoy news of the impending doom of reality television.

Viewers’ fascination with reality shows may be on the wane, and scripted shows may be about to make a comeback, according to a study by Interpublic Group’s Magna Global USA and reported in MediaPost’s MediaDailyNews Thursday. Steve Sternberg, who oversaw the study, told the publication that with such scripted series as CBS’s CSI: NY, and ABC’s Lost and Desperate Housewives drawing huge ratings to start off the season, “a reversal of last season may occur, with scripted series replacing reality by mid-season, particularly if the several new reality shows about to come our way flop.” The number of primetime hours devoted to reality shows doubled to 20 this season. But ratings for such top shows as The Apprentice, The Bachelor, and Fear Factor have seen substantial drops.

Like, eight different reality shows this season have been shelved due to lack of interest. I know that reality TV will never truly leave us, but we can weed out crap like “The Benefactor” and whatnot, only to leave us with the shows where people cry, or get stabbed, or get stabbed and then cry. And let me tell you friend, “Cheaters” is that fucking show. If it is staged, I don’t want to know. Ever. That series is a work of art and I cannot turn away from it. Especially when the host gets injured.

[ Query Letters I Love ]

Actual, honest to God letters that a Hollywood-type has received. Ideas for flicks that shouldn’t…. well, just shouldn’t. Example:

“One soldier must battle the CIA, the British Secret Service and the Cloning Research Abolition Party for six pigs who could cure a deadly virus. Too bad he’s an Army cook who’d rather serve them with pineapple glaze.”

Wow. The Sasparillo Smith flick sounded like something the Wilson brothers wiped their ass with and threw in the trash.

On this excellent Thursday, for no particular reason, I give you Japanese girls bitch slapping each other.

Good journey, comerade.

It troubles me that people like this actually exist. If you’re going to become a complete and utter shitbag, you may as well go open up a colony for complete and utter shitbags. I bet you could make some friends, you vile example of humanity.

Got this in my inbox from EvilPoda:

Sharkey my friend, I was looking at the SotD Morgan Webb gallery andwas appalled to only see 4 pictures of her, shitty ones at that.

Attached, please find the 4 pictures from her Maxin pictorial and 5from her not-yet released FHM pictorial, she’ll be in the Novemberissue. She just turned 26 on the 5th, let us celebrate by ogling.

You heard the man. Morgan Webb is your slice of the day. Enjoy.

Thanks for the gallery Poda. And if you want some more, go ahead and check out the Morgan Webb gallery at SOTD (which is fast on its way to making a glorious, glorious recovery).

*blinks*

What. The. Fuck.

EDMOND, Oklahoma (Reuters) – An Oklahoma man desperate to save his marriage by appearing like a hero to his wife ended up in police custody on suspicion of staging a crime where he hired burglars and foiled their fake robbery attempt, police said on Friday.

According to police, Spencer, a high school teacher, paid two students $100 each to break into his house and try to make off with a stereo.

The masked students tied his wife with duct tape and her husband was in the house just in time to foil the supposed crime, police said.

Police said Spencer attacked the two in a choreographed fight, even hitting one with a board that he had cut to break in half. The plan was going well until his wife freed herself and called police, something Spencer did not anticipate, police said.

That… that man has some fucking BALLS on him. I mean, if you’ve got the stones to attempt a stunt like this, you can’t be that bad of a fella, right? I mean aside from being totally fucking pathetic, he seems like the kind of lovable loser that I’d like to buy a beer for. Better luck next time, dipshit.

Yeah, I know that I didn’t comment on the death of Christopher Reeve yesterday. This was due to two factors: one was work, and the overabundance of it. I didn’t want to say something about a guy who’s work had such an influence on my life (yeah yeah, I’ve got a thing for Superman) when I was busy being hounded by some idiot clients to finish cleaning up somebody else’s messes. The other was that I wasn’t quite sure what to make of it. I mean, are you happy for the guy, since he doesn’t have to live in that goddamned wheelchair for another 20 years? Happy that he was able to leave such a grandiose mark without fading into obscurity over time? Or do you feel sad that someone so iconic and blatently altruistic had to die, whereas Dean Cain is still alive and walking?

It’s kind of sad to think that we develop so much of our personalitites from television, which probably has a lot to do with why our society is continually becoming more and more fucked up as time goes on. I’m not ashamed to admit it. Whereas my father would have developed some of his moral compass and sense of humor from his father, I owe (part of) those respective things to Christopher Reeve and Gene Hackman. I’d probably bore most of you to tears if it weren’t for “Otisburg.”

I don’t like to get sappy and whatnot here, but Reeve was one of those rare individuals who was burdened with portraying an icon with such impossible expectations, and somehow overcame that, and became an icon of a completely different nature. He was a respectable man, and definitely could have taken his life in a different direction. Cheers to you, Supes.

Bah. More things that make me paradoxically elated and depressed all at the same time.

• [ Halo 2 Gone Gold ] – no delays for this bitch!
• [ GTA: San Andreas: Multiplayer? ] – I think I just peed a little.

No response yet on that Mac letter. I’ll keep you posted though.

Anybody hear this story about Paris Hilton getting booed off a stage while trying to sing onstage at some club? I bet ten bucks that if she’d released a new sex tape online about a week beforehand, not one motherfucker would have booed. Bitch needs a better publicist, in my opinion.

Although a lot of people sent this one in, Nick beat out Myskran by a whopping 30 seconds in hitting that “submit” button. The article itself really doesn’t need much commentary, because when a little girl finds an arsenal like this that she can use to attack her babysitter, it kind of speaks for itself. Dig:

An 11-year-old attacked her baby sitter with a machete during a struggle that included attempts by the girl to grab a baseball bat, a shovel and a BB gun, investigators said.

The scuffle moved to the front yard, where the girl grabbed a shovel and then a baseball bat in an attempt to attack the woman, Hubbard said. The girl next found a BB gun, but the woman got it away from her, he said.

The altercation continued until the girl found the machete lying in the yard and began to chase the woman, who took refuge in the bathroom, Hubbard said.

You know, I always make a stop in Barstow on my way out to Vegas. It’s a tradition. But knowing that the inhabitants of that little podunk town keep machetes and shit lying around on the fucking lawn when children are wandering around, I think I might pass, In-N-Out or not.