Gobble gobble, motherfuckers.
I’m letting the turkey, gravy, and various other things made of animals and/or sugar join forces within my mighty stomach, so I figured I’d check up on my mail. I had the following holiday wishes from Matt:
Sharkey-
I’m thankful for Katie Holmes. I’m thankfully for Keira Knightley. I’m thankful for Kate Beckinsale. I’m thankful for Scarlett Johannson. I’m thankful for Monica Bellucci.
And I’d be thankful for Sharkey if you make one (or all) of them slice(s) of the day.
Your wish is granted, starting in reverse order, since those “K” girls have been highlighted far more recently than the super-delicious Monica Bellucci, so I’ve taken the liberty of doubling her gallery. Enjoy.
Now to cozy up next to the fire with a slice of pie, an actual slice of pie, and perhaps Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. I’ll see you motherfuckers in the morning as I’m trampling you during the Black Friday sale at Frys. No, I’m not looking for anything in particular, I just can’t pass up an opportunity to trample people, especially when they’re still overstuffed with giblets and gravy.
Best in ages
by Jester on November 24, 2004 @ 7:50 pm
My list of the top albums of 2004 will be forthcoming in the next few weeks, but I am trying to get as many people to buy the Crimea‘s newest release, Lottery Winners On Acid. The album is a five-song EP, and while it runs about 11 bucks at the local Best Buy, it will be money well spent.
The EP is this glorious mix of the Flaming Lips and the Kinks, and will make you smile like a retard when you hear the title track. Go, buy the damn thing right now. Or, go take a listen to a few tracks over at Double Dragon Music and hear what I’m talking about. As a matter of fact, I’m gonna go listen to that fucker again. Once a day for two weeks, kids. It’s that good.
At Least They Aren’t Related
by Sharkey on @ 11:34 am
Solo just sent me a link to a story about Britney Spears’ former husband, Jason Alexander, making out with a trannie in Miami. …I didn’t mean to rhyme that time. …god dammit.
“In Miami, Ana is well-known as a she-male — a guy who looks like a girl but still has his male equipment,” explains the source. “But most guys from out of town don’t have a clue that Ana’s a transsexual.”
Just how far did their make-out session go? Ana was reluctant to kiss and tell: “I met the guy in the club, we had a few drinks, we danced, we kissed and that is as far as I’m going with this story,” she/he purred to Star.
Ana’s Web site says she charges up to $2,000 for a night as a she-male escort, and boasts, “I’m better than anyone else when it comes to small waist… and that busty bleached blonde look with real 10-inch package.”
Hahahaha! Awesome. Goes from banging one of the more lusted after bitches on the planet, and getting the complete shaft metaphorically, to…. yeah, alright. Bad pun, won’t go there. Although you can imagine the conversation between the two:
Jason: “Yeah, I’m still kind of messed up. My ex wife is off banging this new guy right now.”
Ana: “Well look on the bright side, now you’re even!”
Jason: “That’s true, becau… wait… huh?”
*rimshot*
Slice Of The Day: Mandy Moore
by Sharkey on November 23, 2004 @ 12:33 pm
Looks like Mandy Moore has taken a note from other Hollywood starlets and joined the nipple slip club. Nothing super exciting, but you kids really seem to dig this shit, so…..
Now that we’ve got this out of the way, somebody needs to get on this whole Paris Hilton having pictures in Hustler thing, and quick. I want pictures, I want them here, and I want them now. I would also like a turkey sammitch, to prepare me for Thursday’s festivities.
Dear 80’s: I Love You. Go To The Prom With Me.
by Sharkey on @ 12:21 pm
[ Grill Skillz ] – from back in the day, when motherfuckers was passionate about they burgah-flippin’ skillz. Also take note of the Mr. T videos there, because the entire site is pretty much hand-carved out of solid gold.
And You’re An Idiot!
by Sharkey on @ 12:07 pm
Will someone please explain to me how it is possible for a person to lose $17,000 dollars at a Burger King? That’s like losing your anal virginity in a Turkish prison: there are some things you just have to cling to for dear life. And those things are precious enough to keep out of harm’s way.
I call bullshit. I don’t care how delicious your fucking Whopper® is, or how crispy and fresh the fries are, you just can’t lose sight of a sack filled with nearly $20 grand in a fast food joint. Like your wang in a room filled with sharp objects, you’re constantly aware of its presence.
There Is No Luthor Soze
by Sharkey on November 22, 2004 @ 4:58 pm
Apparently its been confirmed: Kevin Spacey will play Lex Luthor.
Dude, where the fuck is Mox? He got hit on by Lex fucking Luthor!
Slice Of The Day: Kate Bosworth
by Sharkey on @ 12:17 am
Kate Bosworth has been in a LOT of shitty movies in her time. She’s doing an indie flick directed by (and starring) Kevin Spacey called Beyond The Sea. Good for her.
Personally, I prefer it when actresses like Kate here continue to do crap films, because that just leads to them taking off their clothes on film. But then again, I like it when they do indie shit because that’s usually when they do the disrobing. …you know… for “artistic” purposes. I’m so very torn in this situation, I don’t know what to do. My brain (wang) is being pulled in so many different directions, I’m conflicted on levels that I didn’t even know existed, and I…
Ooh, sandwich.
Slice Of The Day: Jessica Biel
by Sharkey on November 20, 2004 @ 5:14 pm
Jessica Biel is going to be the main hottie in the new flick Blade: Trinity. Hopefully it’s not a complete pile of ass, but then again, I’m a pessimist. Therefore, I know its going to be a complete pile of ass. Meh.
So… I’m posting this a little late, but that’s what the nifty date changer thingy is for. So just pretend like this post has been here since Saturday, and go enjoy the titties.
Milking fame for all it’s worth
by Jester on November 19, 2004 @ 3:45 pm
While on my home from work this afternoon, I heard two bands within ten minutes of each other that got me to thinking. I am talking of the New Amsterdams and A Perfect Circle. The two bands, despite the fact that they were being played on the same station, couldn’t have been more dissimilar… or could they?
The reason I ask this question is because while the New Amsterdams are a piano pop band, and A Perfect Circle is a gloomy kinda-metal band, they are both side projects. The New Amsterdams are the side project of Matt Pryor from the Get Up Kids and A Perfect Circle is Maynard from Tool‘s. But the fact that they’re both side projects is not the point I’m going for.
See, both side projects are from the frontmen to other bands. This leads to a dilemma- recognizability. The lead singer of a band has a distinctive voice. You hear his or her voice, and you’re immediately going to think that it’s a performance by their “main” band. It takes a special sort of side project to really make the side project seem worthwhile. If the side band’s musical stylings are remarkably similar to the main band’s, there’s going to be the inevitable critical backlash that the side project (Y) sounds sounds like leftovers from the main band (X).
Such is the X vs. Y dilemma that occurs with Pryor and Maynard. To the average music fan (and even to me, who listens to dozens of new cds each month), the differences between Pryor’s X and Y and Maynard’s X and Y are not readily apparent. To me, both bands from both performers sound pretty much the same. It takes some thorough listening to detect what end up being pretty subtle (and minor) differences.
In the case of the New Amsterdams vs. the Get Up Kids, the differences were much more readily apparent on the first New Amsterdams’ record, Never You Mind. That release was primarily Pryor and a guitar, in a very Dashboard Confessional sort of way. After that, the records became nearly indistinguishable from Get Up Kids albums, and the Get Up Kids’ On A Wire was so acoustic, it may as well have been a New Amsterdams record.
With A Perfect Circle and Tool, it’s pretty much clear-cut, at least to me. A Perfect Circle sounds like Tool, but with the chugging guitars replaced by more melodic guitar lines. It essentially sounds like all the slow parts to Tool’s songs. And I’d like to think that the guys in Tool would never have allowed the recently released cover songs atrocity Emotive, in which Maynard and company suck all the life and joy out of songs by artists such as John Lennon, Black Flag, and others. That is neither here nor there, however.
The thing is, side projects can work. Phil Anselmo from Pantera formed Superjoint Ritual, which was also a metal band. However, Superjoint has made a couple albums that sounded nothing like the sludgy, Lynyrd Skynyrd by way of Black Sabbath sound of Pantera. As a matter of fact, Superjoint sounds like the fastest, loudest, evilest speed metal I’ve heard in years. There’s no confusing one for the other. Sadly, that’s one of the few exceptions.