Well, That’s It For The Internet. What’s Next?

9 Comments on Well, That’s It For The Internet. What’s Next?

by on December 1, 2004 @ 5:17 pm

Oh sweet merciful crap.

A four-letter term that came to symbolize the difference between old and new media during this year’s presidential campaign tops U.S. dictionary publisher Merriam-Webster’s list of the 10 words of the year.

Merriam-Webster Inc. said on Tuesday that blog, defined as “a Web site that contains an online personal journal with reflections, comments and often hyperlinks,” was one of the most looked-up words on its Internet sites this year.

*makes hand jerkoff motion*

It’s a sad fucking day in American culture when the number one word for the goddamned year is “blog.” Only in a society this fucking retarded do we all sit around and give validity to people who have nothing better to do than sit around all day writing about shit that nobody cares about.

*looks around*

Shut up.

Slice Of The Day: Leah Remini

1 Comment on Slice Of The Day: Leah Remini

by on @ 2:42 pm

I noticed the other day that sweet little Leah Remini is getting older, and that saddens me. Seems like just yesterday she was the new undiscovered object of lust to hit the scene. Frankly I think there are only two reasons for “King Of Queens” to keep on rolling, and they’re both strapped to Leah’s chest. Observe:

Leah Remini, a few years and a couple of babies ago

I still remember her as the bitchy chick from “Saved By The Bell”, like about a million other dudes who hate admitting that they loved that show.

**UPDATE** I set the future time for this post to be 2005. Whoops. Now you can enjoy two slices in a day, how fun for you.

Slice Of The Day: Jillian Barberie

9 Comments on Slice Of The Day: Jillian Barberie

by on @ 11:21 am

Even as she inches towards 40, the delicious Jillian Barberie seems to get hotter and hotter all the time. Maybe it’s because she’s single now. Maybe it’s because she’s feeling that biological clock ticking, and looking to use that figure-skating-molded body any way she can. Maybe I should shut up and let you take a look at the new pics that EvilPoda sent me. The world is filled with mysteries.

Jillian Barberie. With a body like that, I can almost forgive her Canadian heritage.

…

Good work Canada. Now, do me a favor. All of the douchebags who want to emigrate from the US, and join you in the great white North, will be given safe harbor. Consider them my gift to you. All of your super hot bitches, like Jillian here, are to be exported as part of our “pie-exchange program”, and I will be expecting payments in long-legged beauties each month.

Someone has to unify America again, and dammit, it’s going to be tits. …I mean me. Yeah. Me and tits. What a team.

Things I’d Like To Run My Tongue Across

2 Comments on Things I’d Like To Run My Tongue Across

by on @ 10:40 am

Mail caaaaalllllll!

From: reynard
Subject: Natalie’s “cleaverage”

Something you might like:

https://www.imdb.com/gallery/virtual/brunettes/11

Hoo damn! An early Christmas present! …or an early Hanukkah present, to be precise. Here’s a little bit of Natalie news straight from IMDB, that you might find interesting:

FROM: IMDB
Actress Natalie Portman is comfortable with the inevitable prospect of seeing her naked body splashed across the internet, after her new movie Closer hits cinemas. The sexy screen star plays a stripper in the raunchy film – in which she appears alongside Julia Roberts – and she’s prepared for the fact stills grabbed from her nude scenes will soon dominate celebrity websites. She says, “Yeah, it’ll be nude celebrities dotcom. But that’s fine. I’m not scared. I’m brave. I feel like I’ve got to a point in my life where everything I do is active rather than reactive.” However, Portman laughs off theories she agreed to the steamy role in an intentional effort to abolish her former child star reputation. She adds, “I’m not doing things to prove anything. That makes me comfortable with whatever people walk away with. I can still carry on my own life without being hurt.”

Whatever you say, babycakes. As long as those nudie scenes wind up on the web, I won’t have to kill your overbearing director by stuffing his mouth with concrete and dumping him into the Hudson.

By the by, if you’re looking for more Natalie Portman, all you had to do was ask.

There’s only one Godfather, and his name’s James Brown

5 Comments on There’s only one Godfather, and his name’s James Brown

by on November 29, 2004 @ 12:12 pm

Last night, due to the Simpsons being pre-empted by a showing of Ice Age, I chose to watch myself some VH1. Despite the fact that I was really enjoying the re-run of the top 100 one-hit-one-wonders when along came an ad for their Big In ’04 special.

Now, this particular ad forcused on nominee Green Day. I have no problem with Green Day. I bought Dookie way back when and played it until the cassette wore out. My quibbles are not with them. My quibbles lay within VH1’s copy writing department. In the little ad, Green Day are referred to as “the godfathers of punk-pop.” Um, pardon?

Sure, Green Day broke the gates down for bands like Blink-182, Good Charlotte, and countless others. They were the first punk-pop, pop-punk, whatever, to break into the mainstream. I’m not gonna dispute that fact. Godfathers, though? C’mon, please… if we’re gonna talk “godfathers”, we have two contenders for the title.

Number one would be the Buzzcocks. Arguably, they were the first ones to make really poppy, catchy songs with a punk feel. Listen to “Orgasm Addict” or “I Don’t Mind” to get an idea of what I’m talking about. Our second contender, and a more likely candidate, would be the Descendents. I’ve talked about these prototypical SoCal punkers before. Their style of pop-punk is what every act from Green Day to Simple Plan to New Found Glory to those guys playing in the basement next door owe their sound to. Seriously… “Suburban Home” and “I Don’t Wanna Grow Up” sound just as fresh today as they did when they came out.

If any bands are going to be declared godfathers of the pop-punk movement in music, it should be either of these folks. Not a band that has liberally borrowed from both.

Congratulations Frank, One Vagina For The Rest Of Your Life.

6 Comments on Congratulations Frank, One Vagina For The Rest Of Your Life.

by on @ 11:53 am

So this was the “wedding weekend” for a couple of good friends of mine. The wedding itself was the best I’ve ever been to, and normally I fucking hate weddings with the fire of a thousand suns. And pretend that those suns reek of a few million tire fires and burning paper mills on their surfaces, that’s the level of hatred we’re talking about. But this was a good cerimony (short & sweet) and the reception (open bar) was pretty kick-ass.

The wedding (and bachelor party) was pretty much the reason for my absence this weekend. If it wasn’t wedding-related, it was recovery due to wedding related boozin’. And although I’m sure you missed me, take comfort in knowing that the following quote came courtesy of the bachelor party:

Context: Killbot, the resident Jewish guy, is talking to Floyd about Mel Gibson’s “The Passion.”

Killbot: “I didn’t really enjoy it, but I kind of have a respect for what Mel Gibson did with the movie. I mean yeah, I may not believe that it happened, but I respect it. I know there are other movies I feel that way about, but I can’t think of any off the top of my head.”

Sharkey: “Oh yeah. I get what you’re saying. I mean, I don’t believe that the holocaust happened, but I respect what Speilberg did with Schindler’s List.”

…

I know what you’re going to say, so just stop. I’m saved by the grace of Jesus, so no, I am not going to Hell. …but I deserve it.

Fuck You And Your Stupid Ass Dog

2 Comments on Fuck You And Your Stupid Ass Dog

by on @ 11:42 am

Would somebody please ask Scott Kurtz of PVP to stop using his stupid fucking Basset Hound as the basis for his comic strips? They are not funny, and frankly make me want to stab his fat ass with sporks, so that the plastic teeth break off inside his supple, fleshy exterior.

He did this one shitty strip about the dog called “Pet Jackass” that really made me want to douse my eyes with barbeque sauce. The only thing I can figure is that his wife comes up with these shitty ideas, and then he puts her retarded bullshit into the strips in the hopes of getting some more tail out of the bargain. I hope for his sake, he’s getting to blow a load in her face because I can’t stand another fucking one of these inanities. I like the guy’s work and all, but fucking stop with the dog crap. Why does he want me to hate this dog? I love dogs, I love them far more than I love fat cartoonists who cave into their fat wives. So please, for the love of God Scott. Knock it off.