Old Skool MoFo: Two sluts, a badassmofo, and Sparky’s house

(This tale is a reader submission, so pay attention. It is filled with downright nasty situations and is most definitely against the law.)

First we must set the stage: Claire is my ex-girlfriend, and Sally is her best friend. When Claire lied to me, initiating our breakup, I made it my mission to fuck over her and all she held dear. So begins the greatest scheme since Michael Jackson tried to pass himself as a man.

The saga begins as I drive my friend’s borrowed car, drunk and horny as fuck on a Friday night. Now any person with common sense knows that it is damn stupid to be out while you’re drunk and horny. The only thing worse than experiencing beer goggles is hearing the story the day after a drunken romp that you sucked on the toes of a girl that Sparky called “Horse” in grammar school. Anyway, every true mofo keeps a backup slut for just such an occasion, and that night, mine just happened to be this new San Marino slam box, Sally (to call this female a whore is to insult the hard working prostitutes of America).

Here are her stats:

– 15 different dicks consumed by the age of 16
– a request for a cumsicle
– and, because of heavy cocaine usage, a miscarriage to boot.

A class act all the way.

That night I got my poke on with her parents two doors down, and went home. She must have mistaken the dick for friendship, because in the ensuing weeks she began to confide in me, revealing more and more as time passed. Foolish, foolish crackwhore. She essentially set herself up, telling me, “If my parents ever found out what I do, they’d take away my horse and my car and send me away to boarding school, and you know how much my horse means to me.”

*Click* goes the tape recorder, and within a week, I had stories that would make Jenna Jameson blush. I had found a new source of wealth.

In order to prevent her parents, brother, boyfriend, and most importantly Claire from receiving a copy of the tape, Sally merely had to keep me happy with various gifts and keep my and Sparky’s music collection healthy. And the bitch still gave up the nani when I needed it.

To this day, Sally has been an obedient slave, and my CD case has maintainted an entertaining variety. It’s become all too easy, and I’ve grown bored of my game. So with this story, I cut her loose and destroy her friendship with Claire, as they are badassmofo.com readers. Sally and Claire, it’s been real.

Peace Out,
Crazy E