Now Self Sufficient Nerds Will Never EVER Leave The House

This is the longest I've ever had to fake something, except for that time you played 'Stairway' on the clarinet and I faked not wanting to fucking strangle you.Ho-leeeee shit. I don’t know if the story is bullshit or not, but if it isn’t, life is going to be grand. Like the piano, only instead of the ivory keys, you’ve got 14-fucking-minute orgasms.

The worst episode surrounding the drug, however, involved two traffic fatalities on a German autobahn last July when Retalanaline testers Dieter Krupshank and his girlfriend Molly Wentholtz died under mysterious circumstances. Police can only speculate on what happened, but they believe the couple were engaged in sexual activity and that Retalanaline played a part in the mishap. When the bodies were finally exhumed from the couple’s demolished Mercedes Benz, Dieter Krupshank’s pants were around his ankles and Molly’s face still lay in his lap, her mouth still agape on his sexual anatomy. “The drug must have kicked in while they were fooling around,” said Vanweilt. “It’s the only way we can explain Dieter crossing the median in broad daylight and driving the wrong way on a one-way autobahn for 13 minutes, finally colliding head-on with a semi-truck from Dresden. It’s really very tragic, because they almost made it, only one more minute to go and they would have been OK. At least we are left with the minor consolation that Dieter and Molly died a very, very happy young couple.”

Probably bullshit, but if it isn’t, I know what I want for Christmas. I don’t care if it grows hair on my ass and turns my pee into a toxic nerve gas, I’ll by a new extendable razor and a gas mask if it’ll make my “O face” a near-permanent fixture on my normally placid mug.

Published
Categorized as News

By Sharkey

I run bamf.

8 comments

  1. hrm…it sounds all good until you read the second last paragraph which states that there are 3 main groups saying that they invented the drug: \”the Roman Catholic Church, the Greater Bay Area Transvestite Marxist Organ Donors Thrift Shop, and a rock band from New Jersey\”but really… a 14 minute orgasm… i think i’d sleep for a week after that… fuck me…

  2. Smells like Bullshit.14 minutes? Bullshit. I want a sample…just for some verification…yeah, that’s it. Verification.

  3. Nah…Sounds too fake. Plus, it says it was posted \”28 February 2001\” so where’s this drug at now and why haven’t we heard about it yet?

  4. BullshitThat is total bullshit. I know it’s not much but they said that \”It’s the only way we can explain Dieter crossing the median in broad daylight\”. I lived in Germany for 2 years and there is no grass median anywhere. It’s a concrete barrier about 3 feet high. Even if I’m worong though, you arent going to last 13 minutes going the wrong way. Try doding BMW’s that are coming at you at 150mph.

  5. hello?did anyone, even you sharkey, bother reading the entire article?He’d dream up a fable so monumentally preposterous that after the first five words people would sit up straight with their eyes wide open.

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *