Wondering where the Hell I’ve been? Sure you were, jackass, you’re just too smug to admit it. Anyway, wonder no longer. Aside from my glorious job doing whatever the fuck it is that I do, I’ve been doing my civic duty. That’s right, the mother of all day wasting civil kicks in the ass, Jury Duty. Apparently my civic duty entails sitting around with the smellier members of society watching either the news, or the whordes of my peers snoring through the 9-hour day.
Thank God I had enough stuff to entertain me. A bottle of glue and a writing instrument, and you’ve got automatic articles of comedy from me. That, or inane drivel, I haven’t actually read it yet. For all I know it could be a systematic rundown of why it’s a good idea to wear shoes and socks to jury duty, unlike the charming elephant of a woman sitting next to me. But then, what do I know, I was stupid enough not to get out of it, so I haven’t got any room to talk.
Ah, I can’t lie to ya. I’ve got miles of yakkin’ room when it comes to Fatty McNoShoes. Jesus, you’d think all that time at the county courthouse would’ve made me a tad jaded. Well, it didn’t. …Fucker.
